(no subject)

[rejectedscrewup]

Emilia is 6 months now and still very heathly. she is now 17 lb and 26 inches long she has her fist 2 teeth on the bottom. she also has hair now. she don't do the "i miss daddy" cry anymore but she will say "dada" sometimes. and Jason doesn't care, he is still trying to blame him leaving and skiping town and lieing to me and sleeping with someone who was my friend on me. i finaly told him off the other night and told him that it wasn't all my doing and that she isn't going to have both mommy and daddy is becasue he made the choose to lie and cheat and move to another state. i love him to much but i hate him with all of my heart. i miss him but i don't want him anywhere near me. i gave him everything, love, saport, a place to live, a cell phone, a wonderful little girl that he wanted more then anything in the world and it wasn't good enought i never took anything i alway gave until i wasn't me anymore. i wasn't happy with myself and with whatever i did. i cared more about what i could do to make him happy then what it would take to make me happy. how can you love someone so much and hate them more then anything in the whole world? i've learned the differnts between being in love with someone and having love for someone. i know he will always being the father of my child even if he is there for her or not and i know i will never and could never be with him, he make the choose to do what he did and someday sooner or later realize that a mistate he made and realize that i was the best thing that could ever of happended to him and that i was even too good for him, that he had everything right here with me and that he can never have it back. that he is missing out on all of the firsts with our little girl, that he will never get to see. i'm all that emilia has and the thing that hurts that most is that emilia wont know her father becasue he couldn't grow up and take care of what needed to be done. in some ways i feel very bad for jason, he doesn't get to wake up to emilia wounderful, day making smile every morning, and her giggles over the smallest thing and the cutest sounds that she makes, and how she can't get the hang of cralling yet. i'm the only thing emilia has.i've got so much going on all at once and i know that in the end i will be stronger then i have ever been and that i know i will be able to be there for emilia and i get to see everything i've got to go now i'll try writing some more later its just alot has gone on and some good and some bad and some really bad just i'll get throw i know i will i have to for emilia
i know there is alot of misspelled words but i don't care right now i'll spell check it later

I must stay strong,
For I have the only one that matters.