Whats happening?
I think I'm getting depressed. It has me a little worried, scared in fact. I was walking home with Heather and it hit me all of a sudden. I really can't explain what, but something that just made me feel gross. I mean I really should be happy. I just got my grades, they're amazing. I got a 3.55 gpa. I really don't think I deserved that. I missed so much class and hardly studied. Apparently i'm kinda smart, cause there is no way I studied enough to get that result.
John and I are developing a good relationship, I genuinely enjoy his company. We have amazing sex. But besides all this I feel like I'm missing something. I really don't know what though. I'm not excited for christmas at all. I kinda want it to be over already. I have no motivation to figure out what I'm gonna give people. This is so not like me either. I live for holidays. I really hope this feeling is gone in the morning. I really do.
I think the reason that I might be depressed is due to my mom, she's being kinda shitty. For a while there we were having a really good relationship, but now I just dread going back to Troutdale. I utterly HATE it. It destroys my soul.
I need a new circle of friends. I love the ones I've made since I've moved out, but I just don't have the kind of quality I'm use to. I'm so use to going somewhere and knowing at least one person, that never happens anymore. I love heather, she's pure amazingness. But i kinda feel like I hold her back. I'm really tired of that feeling. I seem to be feeling like that more and more often. I think because I'm hanging out with people older than myself that don't have the kind of legal restrictions as I do, tends to really put a hamper on things sometimes. idk.
I think I need to base my happiness on more simple things. I think I've always had really high standards, and its done nothing but screw me in the ass. I should just bend over, life is already fucking me at this point. c'est la vie.
John and I are developing a good relationship, I genuinely enjoy his company. We have amazing sex. But besides all this I feel like I'm missing something. I really don't know what though. I'm not excited for christmas at all. I kinda want it to be over already. I have no motivation to figure out what I'm gonna give people. This is so not like me either. I live for holidays. I really hope this feeling is gone in the morning. I really do.
I think the reason that I might be depressed is due to my mom, she's being kinda shitty. For a while there we were having a really good relationship, but now I just dread going back to Troutdale. I utterly HATE it. It destroys my soul.
I need a new circle of friends. I love the ones I've made since I've moved out, but I just don't have the kind of quality I'm use to. I'm so use to going somewhere and knowing at least one person, that never happens anymore. I love heather, she's pure amazingness. But i kinda feel like I hold her back. I'm really tired of that feeling. I seem to be feeling like that more and more often. I think because I'm hanging out with people older than myself that don't have the kind of legal restrictions as I do, tends to really put a hamper on things sometimes. idk.
I think I need to base my happiness on more simple things. I think I've always had really high standards, and its done nothing but screw me in the ass. I should just bend over, life is already fucking me at this point. c'est la vie.