Confession is good for the soul.
Laine hadn’t been to this spot in the five years since they held her brother’s funeral. She’d never visited his grave. Until today. Today she carried an armful of Gerber Daisies with her. A blanket of colorful blooms to place at the foot of a granite headstone, a peace offering perhaps. An apology for not coming sooner; for not wanting to be there still.
But there are some things, some conversations that little sisters just have to have with their big brothers. Important words that need to be said no matter how hard or uncomfortable they make a person feel. Laine was feeling a lot of things as she sat on the green grass, smoothed a hand over blossoms and looked up at the big blue sky.
She couldn’t look at the ground. Didn’t want to see the lines where the sod had been disturbed and recently re-laid. No, she didn’t want to think about the fact that her brother’s body had been exhumed for forensic evidence to be gathered. A murder trial wasn’t exactly what she’d come here to discuss. She wanted to tell Wesley about the good things in her life. The happiness. The love.
For a long while she sat without saying anything but she
thought. She thought about all the time, the events and people that got her to this point. This place. So much had happened in the past five years and so much more had managed to happen in the span of the last six months.
“I’m getting’ married, Wes.”
She snorted, swallowed and glanced down at last. “I bet you’re thinkin’ ‘Hardhead, you did that already. I was there to give you away’ ain’t ya? Well, maybe I should back up a bit and tell you what you’ve been missin’ though I think maybe you already know. If you’re where I think you are, you know all this but I’m goin’ to tell you anyway.
“You see, Wes, when you died everythin’ changed. Me and Jackson, we realized that we weren’t really a couple. We weren’t quite whole without you in our lives. All we did was fight and argue. And I can’t lay it all on you, even if I’d like to. No, I was me. I was the hardhead who insisted on puttin’ your will and the ranch first. I can’t say I blame Jack for tellin’ me to go to Hell when he did. We split up and I moved into your house at Flint Creek. I wouldn’t sell it like Jack had wanted.
“He still took care of the animals. The horses. My horses too. We still got up to things together, hell after twenty years of lovin’ on someone you don’t just stop over night, do you? But we ain’t never seen eye to eye on some things. Your horse was one of ‘em. Jagger. You know, everyone wanted him destroyed after you died. Thought he was what done you in. I couldn’t do it and I wouldn’t let anyone else either.”
She stopped, thought about how she wanted to phrase things, the complicated mess that brought her so much pain and in the end, so much love. Picking up one of the flowers, she cupped it in her palm and began to pluck off the petals one by one.
“I tried to retrain him myself. He wouldn’t have none of it. No saddle, no halter, no tack. He sure as hell wasn’t goin’ to let me mount him and to be honest I was too scared to, I thought he’d throw me like we assumed he threw you. He just might have too, from what Anrai’s told me, but I’ll get to that later. Point is, your wild stallion-minded geldin’ wouldn’t be gentled by me. I still kept him on, cared for him and let him be. Everyone called me crazy for it.
“Even Jack. Especially Jack. But he did tell me to call this fella, Anraí MacEibhir. A horse whisperer. Now ain’t that some shit, a bone fide horse whisperer? Oh, and he was an irritatin’ sonovabitch. Self-assured and cocky is what I think I told Margene. Handsome too. That’s important. Beautiful, maybe. And worse still, Wes? He had every right to be so confident in his abilities.
“I ain’t never seen a man ride a horse, any horse, as naturally and as gorgeously as he did Jagger. Course, it took him some doin’ to get to that point but when I saw him astride that cussed critter the first time, I bawled like a baby. He made Jagger behave and he gave me back part of you. And I fell in love with him for it.”
Even months later, Laine had tears in her eyes thinking about that evening in the barn. Anraí, seated on Jagger’s back, hands resting on his thighs as he murmured quiet commands and praise to the beast-and he had obeyed. Talk about magic.
“He’s somethin’ wonderful, Wes. Truly amazin’ in ways I can’t even really explain. And he’s good to me. For me. He knows me, looks out for me and tries his damnedest to take care of me. And I know this is goin’ to sound right stupid, but he saved me. From myself…and God damn you, Wesley Jansen…he saved me from you too.
“You see, I know, Wes. I know. I know you were plannin’ on sellin’ Flint Creek. Some rich asshole wanted to drill up this pretty land for oil and you, you sneaky sonovabitch, you were goin’ to sell out and give up everythin’ we’d worked for, everythin’ you dreamed about your whole life.
“And I know what happened that day. I know what Colt did. Anraí helped me make sense of everythin’ I found boxed up in your office and Coltrane confessed to the rest. Bastard’s goin’ to rot in jail and I can’t even say I’m sorry for it. I’m mad as hell at you, sugar, but I miss you and I love you and I wish you were still here with me.
“You ain’t and I have to accept that. And I have to let go. Live my own life now. I’m makin’ some pretty big changes at Flint Creek. My ranch now, you understand. We’re sellin’ off the cattle. Goin’ raise another barn, stables really, and an indoor arena so that we can work with the horses year round up here. You see, Anraí don’t just whisper to the beauties, he’s a very good breeder and trainer. He knows his Thoroughbreds. It’s in his blood, so to speak.”
She dropped the handful of petals on the ground, then the stem.
“I don’t want to stand in your shadow anymore, big brother. I done did that for forty-one years and I can’t stand it any more. I’m goin’ to be by Anraí’s side, we’re goin’ to breed horses and we’re goin’ to raise a family.
“And I’m not goin’ to be just Wes Jansen’s little sister any more.”