recently....

[rei_the_chan]

well.. today.. and since the last time I"ve posted.. I"ve been lonely, depressed.. being haunted by old memories.. and just.. shitty. I'm a Junior in high school of course... I'm on the bowling team at my school and even on varcity. Christmas is almost here.. my grades are awsome for once.. I'm actually trying to get over someone... I like 4 guys and I flirt constantly with them everyday..and why am I depressed I ask myself... ._. its because I can't forget that day.. the day my heart got crushed.. I ask myself.. why can't I get over it... and I finally know why.. its because I really loved him... even though he said it... and he only meant it as a friend.. ( even though he said right after he broke the news to me that he had a g/f and didn't want to be with someone like me ) I really loved him.. I let him closer to me then anyone else.. I saw myself with him... I've known him for over 7 years... and what do I get? I get used and dumped. He just, went on like I was NOTHING! of course, you get the girl to suck your dick and you just dump them.. wow.. how does that make me feel... I only did because.. well... I wanted him so badly.. I would of done anything... my heart is broken into little pieces.... no one can pick them up.. I can't believe I actuall believed him... why did I let my guard down... sadly for now on.. I won't believe it.. I'll just... make sure they propose... and stuff.. * sigh * he said he could see us married.. I thought he was the one.. how can you do that someone you've known for 7 fucking years?! its a huge stab in the back! the knife went through my heart you jerk! Ryan... why did you hurt me? I never lied to you.. ( after the incident I did )* sigh * I apologized for what I did.. why can't you say sorry to me for what you did?

>< their.. now I'm done venting.. ( not really.. but its good enough )