bittersweet
I think I only post when no one's around. or when bad things happen rather than the good ones. so I'll start with the positives, I guess. Footloose is awesome & I highly recommend that anyone see it! Caity, Philip, & I had a freaking BLAST! and it made me want to dance like it's no one's business.
benefit concert had really good bands-- always fun.
Nicole's 21st birthday party-- very fun :). not enough drinking for a 21st birthday party, but I think that's fine (after all, it is formal weekend. there's time for that later).
what's the bitter? well, just a minor little thing that's so irritating... grr. I was being nice to Nick and asking him how he was, since he was obviously not happy. when he told me about all the shit he had to do, I offered him a hug-- and he refused, not nicely, saying "no, I've already got one." that's just mean, no way around it. I know I often misinterpret things, but it wasn't even a *laugh* "no, that's okay" which would have been TOTALLY different. it wasn't joking like that... so wow, way to be a douche.
and other little things add up, as always. I'm bummed that my sister couldn't be my date for formal this year (but at least Julia's my replacement twin/date). I've been way too tired lately, and it's lame, but that's just a side note. some of my classes suck right now, annoyingly.
I get so sick of couples, sometimes. why can't I be that lucky? and why, when I do have boyfriends, do they treat me like shit? that's really what bothers me. a new Phi Sig couple. *sigh* they don't bother me... it's just not having that luck that does. I'm so OVER Nick, but that doesn't mean he can't bother me. I want someone to flirt with me, ask me out on dates, dance with me... treat me with respect and nicely... and all of that. (Nick did at first-- don't get me wrong on that)
actually, it's not so much about not having luck with guys. it's about feeling unattractive. it's like I can't decide-- at one moment I'm feeling really good, and at the next my self-esteem just took a vacation. I don't get it. I guess with all of this-- formal, guys, etc.-- it just feels like I have to be pretty, and I don't feel pretty. I have a lot of confidence in my other abilities most of the time, and sometimes I'm feeling really pretty (and most of the time I'm feeling just okay... usually not thinking about it). I definitely want to feel pretty, or at least attractive.
and sometimes I don't feel like people like me, but I'm not entirely sure what that's about. if people didn't like me, then why would I know so many people? right?
I keep on telling myself that.
and this is why I don't get guys... confidence is the key. it's just a downward spiral with that. I'm working on it, and most days all is fine.
on that note... anyone have any interesting single guy friends? oh wait, no one reads this and I'm just writing for myself again. actually, I'm just joking. I don't want to be set up unless you can convince me it's the world's best idea.
on a completely different note, I swear I've been having fun. I just only write when there's a conflict or enough of a good story. or if I feel bad.
benefit concert had really good bands-- always fun.
Nicole's 21st birthday party-- very fun :). not enough drinking for a 21st birthday party, but I think that's fine (after all, it is formal weekend. there's time for that later).
what's the bitter? well, just a minor little thing that's so irritating... grr. I was being nice to Nick and asking him how he was, since he was obviously not happy. when he told me about all the shit he had to do, I offered him a hug-- and he refused, not nicely, saying "no, I've already got one." that's just mean, no way around it. I know I often misinterpret things, but it wasn't even a *laugh* "no, that's okay" which would have been TOTALLY different. it wasn't joking like that... so wow, way to be a douche.
and other little things add up, as always. I'm bummed that my sister couldn't be my date for formal this year (but at least Julia's my replacement twin/date). I've been way too tired lately, and it's lame, but that's just a side note. some of my classes suck right now, annoyingly.
I get so sick of couples, sometimes. why can't I be that lucky? and why, when I do have boyfriends, do they treat me like shit? that's really what bothers me. a new Phi Sig couple. *sigh* they don't bother me... it's just not having that luck that does. I'm so OVER Nick, but that doesn't mean he can't bother me. I want someone to flirt with me, ask me out on dates, dance with me... treat me with respect and nicely... and all of that. (Nick did at first-- don't get me wrong on that)
actually, it's not so much about not having luck with guys. it's about feeling unattractive. it's like I can't decide-- at one moment I'm feeling really good, and at the next my self-esteem just took a vacation. I don't get it. I guess with all of this-- formal, guys, etc.-- it just feels like I have to be pretty, and I don't feel pretty. I have a lot of confidence in my other abilities most of the time, and sometimes I'm feeling really pretty (and most of the time I'm feeling just okay... usually not thinking about it). I definitely want to feel pretty, or at least attractive.
and sometimes I don't feel like people like me, but I'm not entirely sure what that's about. if people didn't like me, then why would I know so many people? right?
I keep on telling myself that.
and this is why I don't get guys... confidence is the key. it's just a downward spiral with that. I'm working on it, and most days all is fine.
on that note... anyone have any interesting single guy friends? oh wait, no one reads this and I'm just writing for myself again. actually, I'm just joking. I don't want to be set up unless you can convince me it's the world's best idea.
on a completely different note, I swear I've been having fun. I just only write when there's a conflict or enough of a good story. or if I feel bad.