(no subject)
stolen from Sara ;-) I've been working on it in such random pieces that it's taken me forever to finish.
1) List ten things you want to say to people but know you never will.
2) Don't say who they are, use people only once
1) I don't know what to think about you most of the time. Half of the time I'm still pissed off from the crap that you pulled on me, but then I remember what a good friend you were in the past & I'm just sad. I'm happy that things are coming together & we're decently good friends again, but I wish you'd realize how poorly you've treated me. I almost wrote you off entirely. I didn't because you were such a good friend, and I wanted to salvage that. Some of it has been saved, thank goodness. I don't even know what I want to say to you. I just wish it could be one way or the other, and not this in-between bullshit.
2) I also don't know what to think about you. We used to be such good friends-- what freaking happened? You just dropped out of my life completely. I don't think you even care anymore, but that may be a harsher judgment that I shouldn't pass without knowing for sure. Seriously, though... wtf??? I am just not good enough for you?
3) Who am I kidding? You're not just one of my best friends-- you ARE my best friend. You know the song & dance. I guess I'm always afraid of claiming a best friend (to their faces) because it'd be hard if that friendship were ever to deteriorate. I don't think that's the case with our friendship, but it's so ingrained in me that it's hard to tell you how freaking awesome you are ;-). Thanks for keeping me in check.
4) Maaaaan, you are so much fun to hang out with. You've really matured from last year, and I don't mean that to reflect negatively on you retrospectively ;-). You've got a much cooler head about you, and are much more in charge of your life. You're really going somewhere, and I admire that greatly. Sometimes you can react a little strongly to things, but I love you anyway. You are you, and that's tons of fun.
5) I wish that we spent some time hanging out together like we did last year. I felt like we were really close last year, but things have changed... I think it's just that we're both really busy, and that's quite sad to me. I feel like I only call you when I want a ride or something stupid like that, but I think the truth of the matter is just that I hate calling people unless I have some very specific reason to do so. Last year was fun... we did a lot of silly stuff. You were always able to convince me to do almost anything. I wish things could be like that again, but I'm not sure how.
6) You cause me problems. You're one of my favorite people to hang out with, but I put far too much weight on your opinions. You have a lot of power to control my emotions and (sometimes) actions, and it's really incredibly annoying. I don't know why I'm so fascinated with you, but I wish it would stop & go to an ordinary level. I've gotten better in some ways, and I hope you never notice that your words are the ones I'm most likely to hear when everyone's talking. It's different than #3 because this has negative effects on my well-being. I tend to have a friendship jealousy problem (being jealous of people who are closer friends with someone than me), but I've mostly erased it... except with you, and it's annoying. I don't want you out of my life, but I certainly don't want this either. It's probably a good thing that I'll never tell you this.
7) I think you're absolutely off your rocker, but I love you anyway. I never knew how jealous you were of me until today, and I just don't understand it. You're so amazing to me, and I can never hope to live up to that. You're unbelievably creative, which I very seldom am (especially these days), incredibly intelligent, and very talented in too many ways to name. I wish I could show you that we are equals-- you shouldn't be jealous of me... I'm not worth it. I get jealous too. We're not rivals, and we shouldn't feel the need to prove that we're as good as each other because we already are. I think we've both bitten off more than we can chew (errr... not really, but at least more than is easily handled), and I wish for your sanity that you wouldn't try to add to it. I miss you times a million and five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred (minutes).
8) You tend to surprise me. You're always such an amazingly good friend, but you sometimes just do things that I don't expect. I should expect the unexpected, I suppose, but I'm still taken by surprise. Right now I feel slightly strange about recent developments, although I know that it's going to be something great for you. I'm happy for you, but I was certainly taken by surprise! In any case, I know that you'll still be around, but things will inherently have a different tone & flavor. Just don't forget that we're around ;-).
9) You're such a close friend, but sometimes I wish I could go into your head and change just one thing. I don't want to change YOU, but I want you to be happy... and right now, I feel that there's one thing holding you back from something that could be really great. You would probably disagree, but if you could only see things from my perspective, you may be surprised at what the evidence points to. It's not like things would really be all that different, except that one little thing that's keeping you away from this decision. I try to understand, but I honestly can't. It's just not in my nature to understand the problem for you. I won't ever say this to you b/c it just isn't something that is my decision... or something I should ever put input into without you requesting it.
10) I'm so jealous of you all the time. I wish that I wouldn't be because it really can affect our friendship. Thankfully, we still manage to be good friends, but I wish that there wasn't this little stupid part of me that always is comparing myself to you. I wish I could just make that go away because you are such an amazing person, and I don't want to drive away our friendship because I can't get past this little bit of emotional immaturity. I won't ever tell you about it because I know it would worry you, and I don't want that to happen. I'm so glad this doesn't crop up all the time, but there are certain situations in which I can never seem to escape this emotional bomb. It's so stupid, and I'm very sorry about that. What I'd really like is to protect, be close to you so I don't have to worry about you so much... but this jealousy makes that impossible. Well, maybe that's a good side effect, since you probably don't want for me to be all motherly on you.
1) List ten things you want to say to people but know you never will.
2) Don't say who they are, use people only once
1) I don't know what to think about you most of the time. Half of the time I'm still pissed off from the crap that you pulled on me, but then I remember what a good friend you were in the past & I'm just sad. I'm happy that things are coming together & we're decently good friends again, but I wish you'd realize how poorly you've treated me. I almost wrote you off entirely. I didn't because you were such a good friend, and I wanted to salvage that. Some of it has been saved, thank goodness. I don't even know what I want to say to you. I just wish it could be one way or the other, and not this in-between bullshit.
2) I also don't know what to think about you. We used to be such good friends-- what freaking happened? You just dropped out of my life completely. I don't think you even care anymore, but that may be a harsher judgment that I shouldn't pass without knowing for sure. Seriously, though... wtf??? I am just not good enough for you?
3) Who am I kidding? You're not just one of my best friends-- you ARE my best friend. You know the song & dance. I guess I'm always afraid of claiming a best friend (to their faces) because it'd be hard if that friendship were ever to deteriorate. I don't think that's the case with our friendship, but it's so ingrained in me that it's hard to tell you how freaking awesome you are ;-). Thanks for keeping me in check.
4) Maaaaan, you are so much fun to hang out with. You've really matured from last year, and I don't mean that to reflect negatively on you retrospectively ;-). You've got a much cooler head about you, and are much more in charge of your life. You're really going somewhere, and I admire that greatly. Sometimes you can react a little strongly to things, but I love you anyway. You are you, and that's tons of fun.
5) I wish that we spent some time hanging out together like we did last year. I felt like we were really close last year, but things have changed... I think it's just that we're both really busy, and that's quite sad to me. I feel like I only call you when I want a ride or something stupid like that, but I think the truth of the matter is just that I hate calling people unless I have some very specific reason to do so. Last year was fun... we did a lot of silly stuff. You were always able to convince me to do almost anything. I wish things could be like that again, but I'm not sure how.
6) You cause me problems. You're one of my favorite people to hang out with, but I put far too much weight on your opinions. You have a lot of power to control my emotions and (sometimes) actions, and it's really incredibly annoying. I don't know why I'm so fascinated with you, but I wish it would stop & go to an ordinary level. I've gotten better in some ways, and I hope you never notice that your words are the ones I'm most likely to hear when everyone's talking. It's different than #3 because this has negative effects on my well-being. I tend to have a friendship jealousy problem (being jealous of people who are closer friends with someone than me), but I've mostly erased it... except with you, and it's annoying. I don't want you out of my life, but I certainly don't want this either. It's probably a good thing that I'll never tell you this.
7) I think you're absolutely off your rocker, but I love you anyway. I never knew how jealous you were of me until today, and I just don't understand it. You're so amazing to me, and I can never hope to live up to that. You're unbelievably creative, which I very seldom am (especially these days), incredibly intelligent, and very talented in too many ways to name. I wish I could show you that we are equals-- you shouldn't be jealous of me... I'm not worth it. I get jealous too. We're not rivals, and we shouldn't feel the need to prove that we're as good as each other because we already are. I think we've both bitten off more than we can chew (errr... not really, but at least more than is easily handled), and I wish for your sanity that you wouldn't try to add to it. I miss you times a million and five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred (minutes).
8) You tend to surprise me. You're always such an amazingly good friend, but you sometimes just do things that I don't expect. I should expect the unexpected, I suppose, but I'm still taken by surprise. Right now I feel slightly strange about recent developments, although I know that it's going to be something great for you. I'm happy for you, but I was certainly taken by surprise! In any case, I know that you'll still be around, but things will inherently have a different tone & flavor. Just don't forget that we're around ;-).
9) You're such a close friend, but sometimes I wish I could go into your head and change just one thing. I don't want to change YOU, but I want you to be happy... and right now, I feel that there's one thing holding you back from something that could be really great. You would probably disagree, but if you could only see things from my perspective, you may be surprised at what the evidence points to. It's not like things would really be all that different, except that one little thing that's keeping you away from this decision. I try to understand, but I honestly can't. It's just not in my nature to understand the problem for you. I won't ever say this to you b/c it just isn't something that is my decision... or something I should ever put input into without you requesting it.
10) I'm so jealous of you all the time. I wish that I wouldn't be because it really can affect our friendship. Thankfully, we still manage to be good friends, but I wish that there wasn't this little stupid part of me that always is comparing myself to you. I wish I could just make that go away because you are such an amazing person, and I don't want to drive away our friendship because I can't get past this little bit of emotional immaturity. I won't ever tell you about it because I know it would worry you, and I don't want that to happen. I'm so glad this doesn't crop up all the time, but there are certain situations in which I can never seem to escape this emotional bomb. It's so stupid, and I'm very sorry about that. What I'd really like is to protect, be close to you so I don't have to worry about you so much... but this jealousy makes that impossible. Well, maybe that's a good side effect, since you probably don't want for me to be all motherly on you.