Long time, no see...
Dear Livejournal--
I have been away for a long time...
81 weeks to be exact, and a lot has changed within my life.
When I originally started this journal I was merely a freshman in high school. Day after day I would sit at the computer and pour out any thoughts that came into my head, whether they be about boys, girls, food, music, school, aging, etc.
Now I come to you with pretty much the same topics in mind, but the difference is my maturity. I have aged since I started you Livejournal. I come to you now not as a freshman in high school, but a freshman in college. I come to you now not as the innocent little girl you once knew, but more of a woman now. I came to you before without having any experience in the area of boys, and now having had 3 relationships in my life.
But the thing that hasn't changed trusty, old Livejournal, is the fact that problems within my life haven't really changed. I still worry about my friends, boys, school, and whether or not we have anything good to eat in the house.
Right now I am worried about my friends.
And myself.
Lately I have been watching one friend after another take a downward spiral into a place that I cannot warn them about or even help them get out of...
I have one friend who is pregnant at a very young age. I have another friend who works so hard to pay her bills that she is barely passing her first semester of college. I have another friend that though I'm not really close to anymore I still worry whether or not her life is going in a place that is going to benefit her, or hinder her greatly.
But most of all there is me. I feel like as I watch these people make decisions that may or may not be good, I wonder when those giant decisions are going to come find me.
Yesterday I officially switched my major from nursing to chemistry with a pre-med concentration. Crazy, yes? I have wanted to be a doctor since I remember. I love the medical field. Science fascinates me and the fact of being able to save someone's life, or even bring a new life into this world, brings me so much joy. But was this a reational decision? Right now, at this very moment, I'm wondering whether or not this was a lapse in judgement. Am I cut out for a degree that is not only competitive, but also takes 8 years to obtain? Am I cut out to work 100 hour weeks? I still want a husband, a house, a family. Will all these things fit into a career as a doctor. I hate not being able to tell what will happen in the future... Will I fail out of school? Will I succeed, but with no husband and family? Will everything fall into place the way I picture my life in 15 years?
Everything at this point relies on faith. Whether you believe in religion or not, faith is something that takes place day after day in everyone's life. A person has to have faith in something, whether it be a God, friends, family, or mere objects, people must have faith in something. So call yourself an atheist or agnostic or whatever you may want to define yourself as; the truth is that people will always have faith in something.
Until next time--
I have been away for a long time...
81 weeks to be exact, and a lot has changed within my life.
When I originally started this journal I was merely a freshman in high school. Day after day I would sit at the computer and pour out any thoughts that came into my head, whether they be about boys, girls, food, music, school, aging, etc.
Now I come to you with pretty much the same topics in mind, but the difference is my maturity. I have aged since I started you Livejournal. I come to you now not as a freshman in high school, but a freshman in college. I come to you now not as the innocent little girl you once knew, but more of a woman now. I came to you before without having any experience in the area of boys, and now having had 3 relationships in my life.
But the thing that hasn't changed trusty, old Livejournal, is the fact that problems within my life haven't really changed. I still worry about my friends, boys, school, and whether or not we have anything good to eat in the house.
Right now I am worried about my friends.
And myself.
Lately I have been watching one friend after another take a downward spiral into a place that I cannot warn them about or even help them get out of...
I have one friend who is pregnant at a very young age. I have another friend who works so hard to pay her bills that she is barely passing her first semester of college. I have another friend that though I'm not really close to anymore I still worry whether or not her life is going in a place that is going to benefit her, or hinder her greatly.
But most of all there is me. I feel like as I watch these people make decisions that may or may not be good, I wonder when those giant decisions are going to come find me.
Yesterday I officially switched my major from nursing to chemistry with a pre-med concentration. Crazy, yes? I have wanted to be a doctor since I remember. I love the medical field. Science fascinates me and the fact of being able to save someone's life, or even bring a new life into this world, brings me so much joy. But was this a reational decision? Right now, at this very moment, I'm wondering whether or not this was a lapse in judgement. Am I cut out for a degree that is not only competitive, but also takes 8 years to obtain? Am I cut out to work 100 hour weeks? I still want a husband, a house, a family. Will all these things fit into a career as a doctor. I hate not being able to tell what will happen in the future... Will I fail out of school? Will I succeed, but with no husband and family? Will everything fall into place the way I picture my life in 15 years?
Everything at this point relies on faith. Whether you believe in religion or not, faith is something that takes place day after day in everyone's life. A person has to have faith in something, whether it be a God, friends, family, or mere objects, people must have faith in something. So call yourself an atheist or agnostic or whatever you may want to define yourself as; the truth is that people will always have faith in something.
Until next time--