(no subject)
I am currently happy with my life at the moment. I have my days when i miss certian things but overall I'm happy living with my boyfriend. It feels like we have many more things to fix n terms of living matters n order to be as efficient as possible, but I guess time will tell us how to fix that. The only thing that sadens me sometimes is the fact that i see my grandmother less often. We are all spared in this world for a short time and it feels like every day that i do see her, its like shes getting older and older (well thats obvious). But im scared that one day I wont be able to see her again. It is a reality of life, but I just dont want it comming any time soon. I dont think i am ready for that kind of loss. And even though due to her age it is defintely not anywhere near her time, she is messed up in many areas medically.
But on another note, another thing that has been bothering me (but certainly not as important) is the fact how people change. I have been saying it since high school when i went through this horrible depression phase because of it. I understand people change and whatnot cuz of life's experiences, but why stop calling or start ignoring any kind of communication?...especially when you know a person for a long time. Sometiems i realize we do not keep in touch because of hectic lifestyles but I think that if its not through the phone or myspace or somethig i try every once in a blue moon to catch up. What bothers me here is when you try to communicate but it is never possible. Then one figures "oh, they are busy". Then you wait. But then you realize that they will not respond and that they actually have time for other people who they do not have half of a bond with. What?... because they are in teh same situation as you and i am not you cannot relate to me anymore? I would understand if I simply didnt care about the person but I do and i thnk i show my concern. But when it is never acknowledged in the form of a call or w/e, I can get the hint. From now on I will not be chasing after people. They are not better than me and i am not better than them. This is not a defense mechanism for having my feelings hurt. It is a philosophy i believe and I just hope that they realize who has really been there for them. Hopefully they dont come running later because most probably i wont be there to recieve them.
But on another note, another thing that has been bothering me (but certainly not as important) is the fact how people change. I have been saying it since high school when i went through this horrible depression phase because of it. I understand people change and whatnot cuz of life's experiences, but why stop calling or start ignoring any kind of communication?...especially when you know a person for a long time. Sometiems i realize we do not keep in touch because of hectic lifestyles but I think that if its not through the phone or myspace or somethig i try every once in a blue moon to catch up. What bothers me here is when you try to communicate but it is never possible. Then one figures "oh, they are busy". Then you wait. But then you realize that they will not respond and that they actually have time for other people who they do not have half of a bond with. What?... because they are in teh same situation as you and i am not you cannot relate to me anymore? I would understand if I simply didnt care about the person but I do and i thnk i show my concern. But when it is never acknowledged in the form of a call or w/e, I can get the hint. From now on I will not be chasing after people. They are not better than me and i am not better than them. This is not a defense mechanism for having my feelings hurt. It is a philosophy i believe and I just hope that they realize who has really been there for them. Hopefully they dont come running later because most probably i wont be there to recieve them.