(no subject)
This sucks. I'm so confused and sad. I thought that seeing him again would make me happy like the other day.. this time it just made me sad. I want to speed up time. I want him to grow. I want to grow. And I want it to be fast because I want to be able to grow together. Again. I think for a brief moment I got caught up in the independence that the new situation brought, and now it's hit me. I just want to lay with him for a bit. I know that next week when I'm on break I'm going to feel almost as bad as he did last week except no one will be around to distract me. All of the guys and Sam are going home. I'll be all alone, and I know I'm going to miss him terribly. Maybe I'll need that. Maybe I need some time away from the people/things that have been filling the void that he left when he went away.
What's worse is that he's on the same page as me... that should be good right.. technically it is... but now it's not like I can be like "Ok, I'm ready. Let's try again." Now it's more than that. I have to wait until he's ready. Serves me right, honestly though. I knew that this was a risk when I suggested the break. I just hope that I did right and that I get the man that I want out of this and that he gets the girl that he deserves, and by that I mean a better me. I pray that that's what happens. I feel like whenever I put my feelings out there that I'm just jerking him around, but I mean well. I just want him to know that I still care; that I still want him; that I'm pulling for him, for us.
I'm just going to go to bed because I Cannot focus on studying.... just on how much I miss him
As high as the sky and as deep as the ocean...
What's worse is that he's on the same page as me... that should be good right.. technically it is... but now it's not like I can be like "Ok, I'm ready. Let's try again." Now it's more than that. I have to wait until he's ready. Serves me right, honestly though. I knew that this was a risk when I suggested the break. I just hope that I did right and that I get the man that I want out of this and that he gets the girl that he deserves, and by that I mean a better me. I pray that that's what happens. I feel like whenever I put my feelings out there that I'm just jerking him around, but I mean well. I just want him to know that I still care; that I still want him; that I'm pulling for him, for us.
I'm just going to go to bed because I Cannot focus on studying.... just on how much I miss him
As high as the sky and as deep as the ocean...