Never Never Land by Redvelvetribbon (FR 21 Gibbs/Tony/Tim)
Chapter 18
Tim curled up in the corner so he was wedged between the side of the house and the balcony railings and wept. It felt safer somehow as if the walls would stop him from falling apart.
Eventually his tears ended and he trembled with his arms wrapped around his knees. Blinking his aching eyes he watched the moon through the lightening sky and felt the chill of the approaching morning. He felt calmer though he wasn’t at peace. When he caught himself nodding off to sleep, pulling his head up with a jerk he decided it was time to return to bed.
Standing up his body protested the sudden movement and Tim stood for a moment wincing as circulation was allowed back into parts of his body. Slipping back through the closed curtains he tip toed back to bed, returned Gibbs’s shirt to the floor and took off his boxers. Slowly and carefully he tried to get back into the bed without too much movement.
Laying straight on the far edge of the bed, awkwardly clutching the covers hoping neither bed companion had noticed his departure Tim felt lonely, separated from Gibbs and Tony’s gentle dreams.
Then a strong hand snaked across him and pulled him onto Gibbs’s silver haired chest.
Gibbs’s body felt warm against his cold skin and he shivered when Gibbs’ nuzzled at his ear with a soft sleepy murmur and put his arms around him, holding him close.
“Timmy”
Tim buried his head in Gibbs’ shoulder, not wanting to start crying again. Gibbs’s rarely called him Timmy. At work it was always McGee, with the occasional Tim when he had been shot at. When they played their bedroom games it was Pet and lately as they wandered through this middle ground trying to re establish themselves it had been generally Tim.
There was something about Gibbs calling him Timmy though that made him feel safe. Adored. He knew he should be annoyed at being infantilised like that. He was a grown man, a federal agent but right now he was scared and frightened of himself and some of the thoughts he had been having and he wanted nothing more than to be held safe and sound in ‘Daddy’s’ arms.
Tim clung to Gibbs fiercely as if he would stop him drowning and feeling his need for comfort Gibbs pulled him further on top of him before rolling over so Tim was now in the centre of the bed.
Tony feeling the movement and the shift in the bed instinctively moved towards the naked male body next to him.
“Cold” Tony muttered disapprovingly before he cuddled closer, spooning his body against Tim’s back as he lay sprawled like a large blanket against Gibbs chest.
Feeling the sleepy warmth of both men surrounding him Tim began to relax, his eyes drooping tiredly.
“Sleep” Came the sleepy murmured instruction from Gibbs followed by the touch of a kiss dropped onto his hair. Knowing he would be obeyed Gibbs turned his head on the pillow and allowed himself to return to sleep, his boy exhausted from crying now safe in his arms.
Tim slept.
********************************************************************************
Tim woke to the feel of Tony’s hard on against his ass and a quiet mewling sound in his ear. He froze for a second until he realised that what he was feeling was one of Tony’s wet dreams being rubbed up against him. He considered moving but found he didn’t really mind being Tony’s rub toy and besides judging from the noises Tony was making it seemed a shame to risk waking him and spoil the dream he was having.
“Oh yeah Tim. Fuck me” Tony murmured as his body starting twitching in earnest against him and Tim smirked. Apparently even in his sleep Tony thought Tim was a good fuck.
Tony clenched his fingers against Tim’s chest and Tim pushed out his ass a little bit to provide some more friction as Tony rubbed his cock against his cheeks and Tony moaned quietly, starting to hump Tim in earnest.
“What the hell is Tony doing?” Gibbs cracked open a bright blue eye at the movement coming from the other side of the bed.
“He’s humping me. In his sleep.”
Gibbs shook his head and closed his eyes, wanting a bit more sleep after spending long hours on protective watch.
“Horny bastard. Just make sure he gets the wet spot”
“Oh Pet, oh, I want that big fat cock of yours.....so deep in my ass. Oh yeah...oh harder”
Tony was murmuring and Tim could feel Tony's pre cum slicking up his buttocks as he thrust between them. It wasn’t terrifying, in fact it was almost funny. He wasn’t even doing anything except lay across Gibbs chest. It wasn’t turning him on really either. He felt too tired and too....he wasn’t really sure what he felt. Uncertain. Raw. He thought Gibbs had the right idea though and he lay his head back down on Gibbs’s chest listening to the comforting steady heartbeat and closed his tired and itchy eyes.
“Oh God Tim...”
Tony thrust hard and suddenly woke with a jolt practically mid orgasm as he slid his cock between Tim’s now slick buttocks, his hips pumping. He came with a groan and panted disorientated, blinking clinging to Tim’s back.
“Uhhhh Tim?”
Tim sighed and kept his eyes closed, trying to stifle a yawn.
“It’s fine Tony. You had a wet dream. Don’t worry about it. I would appreciate it if you cleaned me up a bit though”
Tony nodded unusually embarrassed. “Ok yeah fine. I was dreaming about these...um hot co eds”
Gibbs snorted “No you weren’t. You were dreaming about having Tim’s cock up your ass”
Tony blushed “How did you know that?”
Tim turned and smiled at Tony over his shoulder “You were talking in your sleep too. Don’t worry about it. I consider it a compliment.”
Tony grinned back a little uncertainly “Right. Ok I’ll go get a washcloth then”
Tim turned his head back, snuggling into Gibbs “You do that”
Tim felt himself being carefully wiped down with a damp cloth and then Tony crept back into bed. Tim waited a moment for Tony to curl around him and when that didn’t happen he peered over his shoulder at Tony carefully laying rigidly apart from him. Rolling his eyes he reached back and pulled Tony across until he was once again spooned up against him.
“That’s better. My back was getting cold” Tim closed his eyes again before Tony whispered in his ear
“You don’t mind? I mean I thought it might have, you know...freaked you out or something. I didn’t mean to ...well you know.....I was dreaming....maybe because I could smell you and feel you in my arms I just started..imagining....”
“Tony! Seriously it’s fine. I knew who you were and what you were doing. It’s ok. Go back to sleep”
Tony nodded and Tim could feel it against his shoulder. Silence reigned for a few blissful moments and Tim had nearly drifted back off to sleep when he felt a hand creeping down his stomach and fondling his limp dick.
Tim sighed in frustration.
“Tony? Seriously can you knock it off?”
The hand quickly disappeared and Tony’s apologetic voice appeared back in his ear.
“Sorry. I just thought ....maybe you know, you might want a hand job. But ......obviously you don’t.”
“No I don’t. I’m tired Tony. Really tired. And to be honest I’m going to be pretty damn close to getting pissed off if you don’t let me get some sleep!”
Tim felt a flash of anger come from out of nowhere and he tried desperately to smother it, burying his head back into Gibbs’s shoulder and closing his eyes.
“Tony. Go to sleep” Gibbs’s voice was quiet but firm as he gently stroked Tim’s back, soothing him back to sleep. Tim felt his eyes droop even as he wanted to apologise to Tony for snapping at him.
He just felt so tired of it all.
******************************************************************************
When he finally woke Tony and Gibbs were gone from the bed and Tim rubbed his eyes. The bright sun was sneaking into the room through every crack in the curtains telling him it was late in the morning. God he felt like crap. It was like he had a hangover, which given the beer and the heat from the Jacuzzi last night he probably had. His mouth was dry and he was unbelievably thirsty not to mention the headache that seemed to be thumping through his head. He wondered if crying himself out last night had actually dehydrated him further or perhaps it had just added to his exhaustion? Wasn’t crying supposed to make you feel better not worse? Well that’s what his therapist kept telling him anyway.
He decided to just stop thinking about it as it made his head hurt. He groaned as he lay back down on the bed, his hand cradling his aching head.
“Hey there sleepy head” Tony cautiously poked his head around the bathroom door with his toothbrush in his mouth.
Tim smiled even as his head pounded “Hey yourself. Tony? I’m sorry I snapped at you last night. I shouldn’t have. You were just trying to make me feel good.”
Tony grinned happily around his toothbrush, pleased to see his McGee back to his old self.
“No worries. Just don’t forget that you turned down a DiNozzo hand job though. Might be a while before I offer you another one”
Tim nodded carefully, holding his head.
“Yeah I’ll remember”
Tony literally bounced back onto the bed and Tim noticed he was wearing blinding white tennis shorts and shirt. He looked unbelievably good in them, with the small shorts showing off his tanned muscular thighs and trim waist. Tim felt another flash of annoyance that Tony always looked so good no matter what he wore while he would undoubtedly look more like an escaped mental patient with his pale skin and scared wrists.
“So I was thinking it would be fun to go play some tennis. You know me and you could give Gibbs the run around for a while?”
Tim honestly couldn’t think of anything worse than running around in the bright sun at the moment but one look at Tony’s happy eager face and he couldn’t turn him down.
Before he knew it he had downed two large glasses of water and a couple of aspirin, had a quick shower and changed into the tennis whites that Tony had sourced from one of the various guest rooms. After a quick breakfast Tony had shoved a tennis racket into his less than eager hands and Tim found himself standing on the fenced court near the house with a fuzzy green tennis ball coming directly at his head.
“Hey! Give me a second will you?” Tim glared at Tony who waved happily at him from the other side of the court. Tim swung at the ball hard and sent to flying back towards Tony, the racket giving a satisfying ‘thwap’ at the impact.
An instant later the ball was back and Tim found himself gritting his teeth. He just felt so unreasonably angry.
Fucking ball.
Smack
Fucking headache.
Smack
Fucking Tony.
Smack
Fucking Psyche tests.
Smack
Fucking scars.
Smack
Fucking Vance.
Smack
Fucking sun.
Smack
Fucking pointless investigation.
Smack
Fucking Assholes!
He swung hard, his eyes narrowing as he slammed the ball straight back at Tony.
“Hey!” Tony slid to the side, breathless to prevent getting a hard and fast tennis ball straight to his head.
“Just serve would you!” Tim snarled twirling the racket in his hands, suddenly itching to hit the ball again, harder.
And harder.
Tony frowned and pulled a fresh a ball out of his pocket and throwing it up served it straight to Tim who swung at it growling.
Gibbs watched from the sidelines and folded up his newspaper at the tone of Tim’s voice. Something was going on here. Tim was never angry. He was one of the most patient people he had ever met. Even when he got frustrated he never got angry.
The ball ricochet back and forth endlessly and soon Tim found himself running and swinging desperately trying to get the ball back down the court every single time.
He couldn’t miss.
He mustn’t miss.
He HAD to hit it.
Harder and harder he hit it, his arm jolting with the impact each time as he connected. He was sweating and his heart was pumping under the warm sun and he was furious at Tony’s gleefully antics at the far end of the court.
Another ball skilfully spun off the court into an unexpected new direction and Tim finally missed a shot.
“FUCK!” He screamed and threw his racket hard down onto the court where it bounced back up. Tim kicked at it furious, sending it skittering off towards the chain link fence.
Tony stopped, his bright smile disappearing as he watched Tim pick up the racket and start smashing it into one of the metal poles supporting the fence, cursing and swearing a surprising blue streak.
“Uh Gibbs? Probie’s flipping out”
Tony’s voice was uncertain and hesitant as he watched Tim screaming, tears streaming down his face in a mindless rage as he concentrated his anger on the hapless tennis racket.
Gibbs was by Tim’s side in an instant.
“Tim? What is it? What’s wrong?”
Tim was screaming, choking on his tears as he swung the now crumpled racket again and again, slamming it against the metal.
“The fuckers left me!!! Did you know that? They just left me down there to rot like garbage. They beat me and fucked me and they laughed. Oh God at first I just wanted to go home. I begged, I pleaded I didn’t care anymore and they just LAUGHED. And then I got mad. I got so ANGRY. It was all I could think about. Every minute of every day all I thought about was how I was going to kill them.”
Tim punctuated his words by violently smashing his racket against the metal with a noisy clang before he suddenly sagged, breathing hard against the fence. He slid slowly down it until he sat against the fence, still angrily beating the racket against the ground.
“I was going to get free somehow and I was going to..”
Bang
He slammed the racket against the ground, tears still streaming down his face.
“I was going to grab his head and I was going to slam it against the brick wall. Again and again and again and again until his white brains oozed out all over the wall and his face was just mush. And then I was going to get the next one and I was going to take a rock and....”
Bang
Tim slammed the racket against the ground, revelling in the reverberation he felt in his hands, seeing the image in his mind’s eye of the man’s head as he slammed the rock into his face.
“I was going to beat him to death with it. Over and over and over. I was going to slam it into his face until his scalp cracked”
Bang
Tim laughed manically and Tony took a step back alarmed at this strange violent creature who had taken his friend. The laugh quickly turned into a desperate strangled cry as Tim continued, tears streaming down his face.
“I was going to choke them with my chains. I was going to wait until they came down on their own and I was going to twist them around their necks and feel them choke to death. I was going to watch as drummed their legs against the ground. Watch as their eyes rolled back and their fingertips went blue. “
Tim was lost inside his own nightmare visions from down in that dark hole and then he looked up at Gibbs, pinning him with his wild tear filled eyes, begging him to understand.
“I thought of a thousand ways I was going to kill them. All those crime scenes, all those bodies that was what I was going to do to them. All of them. It became a certainty. I was going to find a way to do it. To punish them for what they had done to me.
And they could see it. They could see it in my eyes. How much I hated them every single moment of every day. And they knew that even if they let me go I wouldn’t run away. I would stay and turn on them and take as many of them with me as I could because that was how much I HATED them. They became afraid. They were the fucking cowards.”
Tim banged his head back against the chain metal fence causing it to rattle.
“Can you believe that? I was chained hand and feet to the fucking wall and they were afraid of me. They stopped dragging me out of the pit in case I somehow got free.
Do you know what those assholes did next? They stopped feeding me. They stopped bringing me food and water and they made me weak enough so I couldn’t fight back. They starved me! My own body betrayed me. I couldn’t even keep track of what was happening. I was losing my mind down there in the filth and the dark and they were still afraid of me.
They left me. For maybe two days I didn’t hear a single thing from upstairs until you found me. Days without food or water. They left me there to rot!”
Tim’ face crumpled again
“Oh God! I kept thinking that’s how you would find me. Starved and chained to the wall dead like some sort of hideous creature. I figured if you hadn’t found me by then that it would be too late and I would be dead by the time you got there. I gave up hope. Gibbs I’m sorry but I gave up hope of you ever finding me alive!”
Gibbs had closed his eyes against the onslaught of information and he opened them to find Tim staggering to his feet and running out of the enclosed court before throwing up into some bushes, retching up his meagre breakfast. Gasping, shaking and leaning on his knees Tim swayed overwhelmed with what he had revealed. Moving quickly to his side Gibbs hesitantly put a hand on Tim’s shoulder hoping to offer comfort but uncertain how it might be received.
Tim almost collapsed to the ground and grabbed Gibbs’s legs, clinging tightly to them like a drowning man.
“What’s wrong with me Gibbs? I can’t seem to stop crying and there are all these things I keep remembering. Before I couldn’t feel anything. I didn’t want to feel anything. I was so frightened of everything and everyone I became numb just to get through the day. Now I’m feeling everything, all at once. It's like I have opened a door and I can’t close it and I don’t know what’s going to come out.”
Gibbs sank slowly to the ground and pulled Tim into his arms, rocking him as if he was a child.
“It’s ok. You need to let it out. It’s going to be ok. It will get better...I promise. Shuhhhh It’s going to be ok.”
Tony watched as Gibbs rocked Tim slowly in his arms.
He didn’t know what to do.
Timothy McGee was broken and he was frightened by it.
Tim was broken in ways Tony wasn’t sure he could handle. There was a deep rage there that he had never even thought Tim capable of. What if he made it worse? What if his stupid insecurities triggered something off for Tim? What if he undid all the work Gibbs was doing to build up Tim’s delicate trust?
For fucks sake, Tim had woken up with his wet dream being rubbed up against him! Tim was dealing with being raped and tortured and instead of helping him Tim had to deal with him being an immature horny teenager!
As Tony stood alone and watched Gibbs’s rock Tim in his arms, he wondered if he was the one who didn’t have the strength to keep their relationship together.
Tim curled up in the corner so he was wedged between the side of the house and the balcony railings and wept. It felt safer somehow as if the walls would stop him from falling apart.
Eventually his tears ended and he trembled with his arms wrapped around his knees. Blinking his aching eyes he watched the moon through the lightening sky and felt the chill of the approaching morning. He felt calmer though he wasn’t at peace. When he caught himself nodding off to sleep, pulling his head up with a jerk he decided it was time to return to bed.
Standing up his body protested the sudden movement and Tim stood for a moment wincing as circulation was allowed back into parts of his body. Slipping back through the closed curtains he tip toed back to bed, returned Gibbs’s shirt to the floor and took off his boxers. Slowly and carefully he tried to get back into the bed without too much movement.
Laying straight on the far edge of the bed, awkwardly clutching the covers hoping neither bed companion had noticed his departure Tim felt lonely, separated from Gibbs and Tony’s gentle dreams.
Then a strong hand snaked across him and pulled him onto Gibbs’s silver haired chest.
Gibbs’s body felt warm against his cold skin and he shivered when Gibbs’ nuzzled at his ear with a soft sleepy murmur and put his arms around him, holding him close.
“Timmy”
Tim buried his head in Gibbs’ shoulder, not wanting to start crying again. Gibbs’s rarely called him Timmy. At work it was always McGee, with the occasional Tim when he had been shot at. When they played their bedroom games it was Pet and lately as they wandered through this middle ground trying to re establish themselves it had been generally Tim.
There was something about Gibbs calling him Timmy though that made him feel safe. Adored. He knew he should be annoyed at being infantilised like that. He was a grown man, a federal agent but right now he was scared and frightened of himself and some of the thoughts he had been having and he wanted nothing more than to be held safe and sound in ‘Daddy’s’ arms.
Tim clung to Gibbs fiercely as if he would stop him drowning and feeling his need for comfort Gibbs pulled him further on top of him before rolling over so Tim was now in the centre of the bed.
Tony feeling the movement and the shift in the bed instinctively moved towards the naked male body next to him.
“Cold” Tony muttered disapprovingly before he cuddled closer, spooning his body against Tim’s back as he lay sprawled like a large blanket against Gibbs chest.
Feeling the sleepy warmth of both men surrounding him Tim began to relax, his eyes drooping tiredly.
“Sleep” Came the sleepy murmured instruction from Gibbs followed by the touch of a kiss dropped onto his hair. Knowing he would be obeyed Gibbs turned his head on the pillow and allowed himself to return to sleep, his boy exhausted from crying now safe in his arms.
Tim slept.
********************************************************************************
Tim woke to the feel of Tony’s hard on against his ass and a quiet mewling sound in his ear. He froze for a second until he realised that what he was feeling was one of Tony’s wet dreams being rubbed up against him. He considered moving but found he didn’t really mind being Tony’s rub toy and besides judging from the noises Tony was making it seemed a shame to risk waking him and spoil the dream he was having.
“Oh yeah Tim. Fuck me” Tony murmured as his body starting twitching in earnest against him and Tim smirked. Apparently even in his sleep Tony thought Tim was a good fuck.
Tony clenched his fingers against Tim’s chest and Tim pushed out his ass a little bit to provide some more friction as Tony rubbed his cock against his cheeks and Tony moaned quietly, starting to hump Tim in earnest.
“What the hell is Tony doing?” Gibbs cracked open a bright blue eye at the movement coming from the other side of the bed.
“He’s humping me. In his sleep.”
Gibbs shook his head and closed his eyes, wanting a bit more sleep after spending long hours on protective watch.
“Horny bastard. Just make sure he gets the wet spot”
“Oh Pet, oh, I want that big fat cock of yours.....so deep in my ass. Oh yeah...oh harder”
Tony was murmuring and Tim could feel Tony's pre cum slicking up his buttocks as he thrust between them. It wasn’t terrifying, in fact it was almost funny. He wasn’t even doing anything except lay across Gibbs chest. It wasn’t turning him on really either. He felt too tired and too....he wasn’t really sure what he felt. Uncertain. Raw. He thought Gibbs had the right idea though and he lay his head back down on Gibbs’s chest listening to the comforting steady heartbeat and closed his tired and itchy eyes.
“Oh God Tim...”
Tony thrust hard and suddenly woke with a jolt practically mid orgasm as he slid his cock between Tim’s now slick buttocks, his hips pumping. He came with a groan and panted disorientated, blinking clinging to Tim’s back.
“Uhhhh Tim?”
Tim sighed and kept his eyes closed, trying to stifle a yawn.
“It’s fine Tony. You had a wet dream. Don’t worry about it. I would appreciate it if you cleaned me up a bit though”
Tony nodded unusually embarrassed. “Ok yeah fine. I was dreaming about these...um hot co eds”
Gibbs snorted “No you weren’t. You were dreaming about having Tim’s cock up your ass”
Tony blushed “How did you know that?”
Tim turned and smiled at Tony over his shoulder “You were talking in your sleep too. Don’t worry about it. I consider it a compliment.”
Tony grinned back a little uncertainly “Right. Ok I’ll go get a washcloth then”
Tim turned his head back, snuggling into Gibbs “You do that”
Tim felt himself being carefully wiped down with a damp cloth and then Tony crept back into bed. Tim waited a moment for Tony to curl around him and when that didn’t happen he peered over his shoulder at Tony carefully laying rigidly apart from him. Rolling his eyes he reached back and pulled Tony across until he was once again spooned up against him.
“That’s better. My back was getting cold” Tim closed his eyes again before Tony whispered in his ear
“You don’t mind? I mean I thought it might have, you know...freaked you out or something. I didn’t mean to ...well you know.....I was dreaming....maybe because I could smell you and feel you in my arms I just started..imagining....”
“Tony! Seriously it’s fine. I knew who you were and what you were doing. It’s ok. Go back to sleep”
Tony nodded and Tim could feel it against his shoulder. Silence reigned for a few blissful moments and Tim had nearly drifted back off to sleep when he felt a hand creeping down his stomach and fondling his limp dick.
Tim sighed in frustration.
“Tony? Seriously can you knock it off?”
The hand quickly disappeared and Tony’s apologetic voice appeared back in his ear.
“Sorry. I just thought ....maybe you know, you might want a hand job. But ......obviously you don’t.”
“No I don’t. I’m tired Tony. Really tired. And to be honest I’m going to be pretty damn close to getting pissed off if you don’t let me get some sleep!”
Tim felt a flash of anger come from out of nowhere and he tried desperately to smother it, burying his head back into Gibbs’s shoulder and closing his eyes.
“Tony. Go to sleep” Gibbs’s voice was quiet but firm as he gently stroked Tim’s back, soothing him back to sleep. Tim felt his eyes droop even as he wanted to apologise to Tony for snapping at him.
He just felt so tired of it all.
******************************************************************************
When he finally woke Tony and Gibbs were gone from the bed and Tim rubbed his eyes. The bright sun was sneaking into the room through every crack in the curtains telling him it was late in the morning. God he felt like crap. It was like he had a hangover, which given the beer and the heat from the Jacuzzi last night he probably had. His mouth was dry and he was unbelievably thirsty not to mention the headache that seemed to be thumping through his head. He wondered if crying himself out last night had actually dehydrated him further or perhaps it had just added to his exhaustion? Wasn’t crying supposed to make you feel better not worse? Well that’s what his therapist kept telling him anyway.
He decided to just stop thinking about it as it made his head hurt. He groaned as he lay back down on the bed, his hand cradling his aching head.
“Hey there sleepy head” Tony cautiously poked his head around the bathroom door with his toothbrush in his mouth.
Tim smiled even as his head pounded “Hey yourself. Tony? I’m sorry I snapped at you last night. I shouldn’t have. You were just trying to make me feel good.”
Tony grinned happily around his toothbrush, pleased to see his McGee back to his old self.
“No worries. Just don’t forget that you turned down a DiNozzo hand job though. Might be a while before I offer you another one”
Tim nodded carefully, holding his head.
“Yeah I’ll remember”
Tony literally bounced back onto the bed and Tim noticed he was wearing blinding white tennis shorts and shirt. He looked unbelievably good in them, with the small shorts showing off his tanned muscular thighs and trim waist. Tim felt another flash of annoyance that Tony always looked so good no matter what he wore while he would undoubtedly look more like an escaped mental patient with his pale skin and scared wrists.
“So I was thinking it would be fun to go play some tennis. You know me and you could give Gibbs the run around for a while?”
Tim honestly couldn’t think of anything worse than running around in the bright sun at the moment but one look at Tony’s happy eager face and he couldn’t turn him down.
Before he knew it he had downed two large glasses of water and a couple of aspirin, had a quick shower and changed into the tennis whites that Tony had sourced from one of the various guest rooms. After a quick breakfast Tony had shoved a tennis racket into his less than eager hands and Tim found himself standing on the fenced court near the house with a fuzzy green tennis ball coming directly at his head.
“Hey! Give me a second will you?” Tim glared at Tony who waved happily at him from the other side of the court. Tim swung at the ball hard and sent to flying back towards Tony, the racket giving a satisfying ‘thwap’ at the impact.
An instant later the ball was back and Tim found himself gritting his teeth. He just felt so unreasonably angry.
Fucking ball.
Smack
Fucking headache.
Smack
Fucking Tony.
Smack
Fucking Psyche tests.
Smack
Fucking scars.
Smack
Fucking Vance.
Smack
Fucking sun.
Smack
Fucking pointless investigation.
Smack
Fucking Assholes!
He swung hard, his eyes narrowing as he slammed the ball straight back at Tony.
“Hey!” Tony slid to the side, breathless to prevent getting a hard and fast tennis ball straight to his head.
“Just serve would you!” Tim snarled twirling the racket in his hands, suddenly itching to hit the ball again, harder.
And harder.
Tony frowned and pulled a fresh a ball out of his pocket and throwing it up served it straight to Tim who swung at it growling.
Gibbs watched from the sidelines and folded up his newspaper at the tone of Tim’s voice. Something was going on here. Tim was never angry. He was one of the most patient people he had ever met. Even when he got frustrated he never got angry.
The ball ricochet back and forth endlessly and soon Tim found himself running and swinging desperately trying to get the ball back down the court every single time.
He couldn’t miss.
He mustn’t miss.
He HAD to hit it.
Harder and harder he hit it, his arm jolting with the impact each time as he connected. He was sweating and his heart was pumping under the warm sun and he was furious at Tony’s gleefully antics at the far end of the court.
Another ball skilfully spun off the court into an unexpected new direction and Tim finally missed a shot.
“FUCK!” He screamed and threw his racket hard down onto the court where it bounced back up. Tim kicked at it furious, sending it skittering off towards the chain link fence.
Tony stopped, his bright smile disappearing as he watched Tim pick up the racket and start smashing it into one of the metal poles supporting the fence, cursing and swearing a surprising blue streak.
“Uh Gibbs? Probie’s flipping out”
Tony’s voice was uncertain and hesitant as he watched Tim screaming, tears streaming down his face in a mindless rage as he concentrated his anger on the hapless tennis racket.
Gibbs was by Tim’s side in an instant.
“Tim? What is it? What’s wrong?”
Tim was screaming, choking on his tears as he swung the now crumpled racket again and again, slamming it against the metal.
“The fuckers left me!!! Did you know that? They just left me down there to rot like garbage. They beat me and fucked me and they laughed. Oh God at first I just wanted to go home. I begged, I pleaded I didn’t care anymore and they just LAUGHED. And then I got mad. I got so ANGRY. It was all I could think about. Every minute of every day all I thought about was how I was going to kill them.”
Tim punctuated his words by violently smashing his racket against the metal with a noisy clang before he suddenly sagged, breathing hard against the fence. He slid slowly down it until he sat against the fence, still angrily beating the racket against the ground.
“I was going to get free somehow and I was going to..”
Bang
He slammed the racket against the ground, tears still streaming down his face.
“I was going to grab his head and I was going to slam it against the brick wall. Again and again and again and again until his white brains oozed out all over the wall and his face was just mush. And then I was going to get the next one and I was going to take a rock and....”
Bang
Tim slammed the racket against the ground, revelling in the reverberation he felt in his hands, seeing the image in his mind’s eye of the man’s head as he slammed the rock into his face.
“I was going to beat him to death with it. Over and over and over. I was going to slam it into his face until his scalp cracked”
Bang
Tim laughed manically and Tony took a step back alarmed at this strange violent creature who had taken his friend. The laugh quickly turned into a desperate strangled cry as Tim continued, tears streaming down his face.
“I was going to choke them with my chains. I was going to wait until they came down on their own and I was going to twist them around their necks and feel them choke to death. I was going to watch as drummed their legs against the ground. Watch as their eyes rolled back and their fingertips went blue. “
Tim was lost inside his own nightmare visions from down in that dark hole and then he looked up at Gibbs, pinning him with his wild tear filled eyes, begging him to understand.
“I thought of a thousand ways I was going to kill them. All those crime scenes, all those bodies that was what I was going to do to them. All of them. It became a certainty. I was going to find a way to do it. To punish them for what they had done to me.
And they could see it. They could see it in my eyes. How much I hated them every single moment of every day. And they knew that even if they let me go I wouldn’t run away. I would stay and turn on them and take as many of them with me as I could because that was how much I HATED them. They became afraid. They were the fucking cowards.”
Tim banged his head back against the chain metal fence causing it to rattle.
“Can you believe that? I was chained hand and feet to the fucking wall and they were afraid of me. They stopped dragging me out of the pit in case I somehow got free.
Do you know what those assholes did next? They stopped feeding me. They stopped bringing me food and water and they made me weak enough so I couldn’t fight back. They starved me! My own body betrayed me. I couldn’t even keep track of what was happening. I was losing my mind down there in the filth and the dark and they were still afraid of me.
They left me. For maybe two days I didn’t hear a single thing from upstairs until you found me. Days without food or water. They left me there to rot!”
Tim’ face crumpled again
“Oh God! I kept thinking that’s how you would find me. Starved and chained to the wall dead like some sort of hideous creature. I figured if you hadn’t found me by then that it would be too late and I would be dead by the time you got there. I gave up hope. Gibbs I’m sorry but I gave up hope of you ever finding me alive!”
Gibbs had closed his eyes against the onslaught of information and he opened them to find Tim staggering to his feet and running out of the enclosed court before throwing up into some bushes, retching up his meagre breakfast. Gasping, shaking and leaning on his knees Tim swayed overwhelmed with what he had revealed. Moving quickly to his side Gibbs hesitantly put a hand on Tim’s shoulder hoping to offer comfort but uncertain how it might be received.
Tim almost collapsed to the ground and grabbed Gibbs’s legs, clinging tightly to them like a drowning man.
“What’s wrong with me Gibbs? I can’t seem to stop crying and there are all these things I keep remembering. Before I couldn’t feel anything. I didn’t want to feel anything. I was so frightened of everything and everyone I became numb just to get through the day. Now I’m feeling everything, all at once. It's like I have opened a door and I can’t close it and I don’t know what’s going to come out.”
Gibbs sank slowly to the ground and pulled Tim into his arms, rocking him as if he was a child.
“It’s ok. You need to let it out. It’s going to be ok. It will get better...I promise. Shuhhhh It’s going to be ok.”
Tony watched as Gibbs rocked Tim slowly in his arms.
He didn’t know what to do.
Timothy McGee was broken and he was frightened by it.
Tim was broken in ways Tony wasn’t sure he could handle. There was a deep rage there that he had never even thought Tim capable of. What if he made it worse? What if his stupid insecurities triggered something off for Tim? What if he undid all the work Gibbs was doing to build up Tim’s delicate trust?
For fucks sake, Tim had woken up with his wet dream being rubbed up against him! Tim was dealing with being raped and tortured and instead of helping him Tim had to deal with him being an immature horny teenager!
As Tony stood alone and watched Gibbs’s rock Tim in his arms, he wondered if he was the one who didn’t have the strength to keep their relationship together.