Dancing With the Demons, Episode 3 (Part 2)
Title: Dancing With the Demons, Episode 3 (Part 2)
Author: redsrule1
Fandoms: Buffy, Angel, Dancing With the Stars
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I didn't make up the characters, the music, the shows, or the dances. I just live them sometimes.
Pairings: Gen
Characters: Just about everyone
Author's Notes: Thanks to yourlibrarian for the beta.
Summary: Nine couples, ONE winner, and you choose who becomes the champion!
LORNE
And we're back, to DANCING WITH THE DEMONS! Before the break, Lilah and Angel danced a hot, hot Mambo for us. Now it's time to see how hot the judges' scores are.
ANNOUNCER
The judges have their scores. Drogyn the Battlebrand?
DROGYN
Eight.
ANNOUNCER
Wesley Wyndam-Price?
WESLEY
Eight.
ANNOUNCER
Daniel Osbourne?
OZ
Eight.
[Cut to backstage, where LILAH and ANGEL stand with ILLYRIA. GUNN and CORDELIA sit on the couch in the background.]
ILLYRIA
The judges have given you a twenty-four. This puts you in last place.
ANGEL
Hey, only one other couple has danced so far.
ILLYRIA
And they scored better than you by one point. This puts you in last place.
ANGEL
But not for long.
ILLYRIA
That remains to be seen.
LILAH
Well, there's no way the other five couples are all gonna score better than twenty-four.
ILLYRIA
You are probably correct. But as we have dismissed the only one among us with The Sight, there is no way to know that for certain.
CORDELIA
I have The Sight.
ILLYRIA
[Eyes CORDELIA suspiciously.] Do you? You have not mentioned this previously.
CORDELIA
Saw no reason to.
ILLYRIA
If you have The Sight, then you can tell us if these two will remain in last place.
[Cut to LORNE]
LORNE
Well done! Next up, they finished sixth with their Cha Cha, and fourth with their Rumba. Can they continue their climb with the tango? Here's Gunn and Cordelia!
[Cut to montage.]
--------------------------------------------
ANNOUNCER
Round Two saw an improvement over their first round scores.
--------------------------------------------
[Episode clip.]
[GUNN and CORDELIA stand at the Judges' Table with LORNE.]
WESLEY
Your hard work is evident and tonight you've shown me that you could last if you keep it up.
--------------------------------------------
ANNOUNCER
Can they maintain their rise with their Tango?
--------------------------------------------
GUNN
[Interview.]
Now this is what I'm talkin' about! The other dances were cool, but now I finally get to do one of the tuxedo dances! I was gonna be mad if we got eliminated before I got a chance to wear a tux. And I want a number. I wanna wear a number on my back like they do on TV.
--------------------------------------------
[Rehearsal clip.]
[GUNN and CORDELIA standing in a dance studio.]
CORDELIA
Absolutely not!
GUNN
Why not? It would be cool!
CORDELIA
It would be ridiculous!
GUNN
It would be sweet!
CORDELIA
It would be hideous. And besides, you're not even gonna be wearing a tux!
GUNN
WHAT?
--------------------------------------------
CORDELIA
[Interview.]
Gunn's pretty excited about doing the Tango. And it's about time I don't have to worry about his hips. Why should I have to worry about him all the time anyway? Why should I be penalized because he can't do something? It's not fair. They should have solo categories like they do in figure skating. They should also let me have more input on my costumes. Did you see that supposed "Latin" dress they had me in last week? Who ever heard of a long-skirted Latin dress?
--------------------------------------------
[Backstage clip.]
[CORDELIA enters the wardrobe room for the show. An 50-something woman, a 20-something woman, and a man who's probably closer to 40 but looks as if he'd still rather be closer to 20, all look up from the clothes they are working on.]
CORDELIA
[Flashing her Oscar smile.] Hi, girls! Oh, and Craig! It's me!
OLDER WOMAN
[To YOUNGER WOMAN] Oh God, it's her.
YOUNGER WOMAN
[Forcing a smile.] What can we do for you today, Cor--
CORDELIA
[Hunching uninvited over the YOUNGER WOMAN's shoulder.] Whaddaya got for me this week, Christy? [Picks up dress.] This looks pretty. I like that high slit.
CHRISTY
I'm not working on you this week. This is for Buffy. Dottie's got you.
[DOTTIE scowls at CHRISTY, who gives her an apologetic smile and shoulder shrug.]
CORDELIA
[Her bright, toothy smile fades into a half-sneer as she unceremoniously drops the dress back onto the sewing table.] Really? Are you sure you want to show that much leg? I mean, seriously. Sticks. Am I right, Craig?
CRAIG
I didn't design it.
CORDELIA
Oh, I could tell you didn't! Your designs are always so good! I could tell you didn't design my Latin dress last week, either. Between you and me, I mean, come on, a full-length Latin dress? You're supposed to show it off in Latin, and baby, I got it to show off! You know what I mean, don't you, Craig? But they covered it up. And they gave Faith, of all people, the sheer dress. Who wants to see that skank in a sheer dress? What were they thinking? Do you wanna see Faith in a sheer dress, Craig?
CRAIG
Not particularly.
CORDELIA
See, ladies? Take it from a man. Buffy? Faith? A real man doesn't want to see them in revealing outfits. He wants to see a real woman like me in a skimpy outfit, don't you, Craig? So who's got me this week?
CRAIG and CHRISTY
[In unison, pointing at DOTTIE.] Dottie!
CORDELIA
Dottie! My favorite! I should have known. How are you, Sweetie? You got a nice sexy dress for me this week, right hon? [Picks up the dress DOTTIE is working on. Pins fall out and a strap comes loose.] Black, huh? I can do black. [Points to above her hip.] Maybe with a slit up to here and I can wear black hose-- or maybe fishnet. [Plops dress back down on DOTTIE's table.] Not like that thing I wore last week, huh?
DOTTIE
I designed th--
CORDELIA
Oh, and one more thing, Dottie. Gunn might be in here asking you to put him in a tux and put a number on his back. But we have kind of a comedy routine this week, so it wouldn't go. I know he can be kind of annoying sometimes, but he can also be persistent, so just ignore him and I'll try to keep him out of your hair so you can get your work done, okay? 'Kay. Thanks! [Blows kiss and leaves the room.]
--------------------------------------------
GUNN
[Interview]
But Tango's harder than I expected. And you're supposed to dance in body contact with your right hip bone in her belly button, and that gets kinda uncomfortable, especially since I dress to the right if you know what I mean. Cordy's great an' all, and well, I could do worse in this afterlife, but I don't wanna be givin' out free samples, y'know? Besides, that position can get dangerous for a guy.
--------------------------------------------
[Rehearsal clip.]
[GUNN and CORDELIA dancing in a studio. They stop abruptly.]
GUNN
[Hunching over.] OW!
CORDELIA
What?
GUNN
Wait a minute! [Turns his back to CORDELIA and the camera.]
CORDELIA
What are you doing?
GUNN
Is the camera on?
CORDELIA
[Looks at the camera.] Yeah.
GUNN
Then I can't tell you.
--------------------------------------------
CORDELIA
[Interview.]
The body contact was a little disruptive. He kept shiftin' around. Like I've never felt one before. I mean, why should he get all uptight about a little thing like that?
--------------------------------------------
[Montage ends.]
ANNOUNCER
Dancing the Tango: Charles Gunn and Cordelia Chase!
[GUNN stands in the middle of the dance floor wearing a tuxedo with tail coat, and with the number "10" on his back.]
["The Addams Family" theme song begins to play.]
[GUNN clasps his right hand to his chest and extends his left arm out to the side, and starts to step in the direction of his outstretched arm, pretending to dance. A three-foot high mound of hair waddles onto the stage, wearing sunglasses and a derby hat. GUNN dances to the foot of the stairs and reaches his hands out toward the creature, inviting Itt to join him in a dance. At this point, CORDELIA springs up from a crouch, throwing off the "Cousin Itt" costume and leaping off of the stage into GUNN's arms in one motion. CORDELIA is dressed in a black dress which is long in the back but short in the front, and wears black fishnet stockings. They take dance hold and break into some standard Tango moves.]
[Cut to backstage, where SEBASSIS and WILLOW sit on the couch.]
WILLOW
I knew it was just a matter of time before she started to dress like a professional.
SEBASSIS
[A tiny pleased smile crosses his mouth.] You truly have adopted a winning attitude, my dear.
[Cut to dance floor. GUNN leads CORDELIA into a checking motion then gives her a twist as he steps sharply forward with his right foot. This pops her right leg out away from him and she kicks it high, then circles it in a rondé. The front of her dress tumbles down to full length, matching the back.]
[Cut to backstage.]
WILLOW
To vote for Cordelia, dial 1-800-I'm a--
[Cut to ballroom.]
[GUNN steps backward into a lunge, keeping his right foot pointed in front of him. CORDELIA slides down his body and outstretched leg, until she lands on the floor in an extended line as the music ends. She quickly and almost imperceptibly moves some fabric to reveal her outstretched leg. The CROWD cheers.]
[GUNN stands and helps CORDELIA to her feet, and they walk up to the Judges' Table and LORNE.]
LORNE
That was quite a finish there. Don't forget your Tribble, though.
[CORDELIA's smile to LORNE falters for a moment. GUNN laughs and runs to pick up CORDELIA's "Cousin Itt" costume, then returns.]
LORNE cont.
So let's see what the judges thought. Drogyn, you go first.
DROGYN
It was an enjoyable routine, well danced. [CROWD cheers.] I wasn't sure what was going on with the dress there, but it didn't really detract from the overall effect.
CORDELIA
Well I told Dottie I wanted a short dress, so I pinned it up before we went on, but I guess it didn't hold. You might wanna check for pins on the floor.
LORNE
We'll do that. Drogyn, that's it? No glissandos in the thirty-fourth measure?
DROGYN
That's because you finally did not ask me what I thought. I think many things. I don't always say them all unless--
LORNE
Yeah, okay, I get the picture. I think I'll be more careful about my word choice, what do you think?
DROGYN
[Sighs and glares at LORNE.] I think that it has taken you an inordinate amount of time to reach that conclusion. I would have thought that you'd have realized that after the first mistake you made, and I actually cannot believe that you just--
LORNE
Okay, okay! Case in point. How about you, Mr. Congeniality?
WESLEY
I think you should have figured that out sooner, as well.
OZ
Yeah, I was wonderin'.
LORNE
About the dance, smartass.
WESLEY
[Smiling, pleased with his own joke.] It was a better dance than your Latin dances. [CROWD applauds.] I think you enjoy that macho Tango image.
GUNN
Got that right.
LORNE
And you, Oz? Surely you have a word or two to contribute.
OZ
Watch out for heel leads. Tango uses the heel as you step forward. You missed a lot of them. [CROWD boos. OZ looks at WESLEY.] You're right, that's no fun.
LORNE
All right. And by the way, Gunn, is there any significance to the number on your back?
GUNN
That's the score we want from the judges!
LORNE
[Motioning for GUNN and CORDELIA to go backstage.] I should have guessed. Well, we'll have to see if the power of suggestion works on these guys. Let's go backstage now, to Illyria.
[Cut to backstage. ILLYRIA stands with GUNN and CORDELIA. SEBASSIS and WILLOW sit on the couch in the background.]
ILLYRIA
There is now a superior intelligence lodged in the Bespectacled One's entrails?
GUNN
What?
CORDELIA
First of all, why are you calling him that, and secondly, what does that have to do with us?
ILLYRIA
I have been advised to choose an adopted name for Judge Wesley as this seems to be the custom. As to your second question, it pertains to you not at all as I have little interest in conversing with you other than--
CORDELIA
You know, I've had just about enough--
GUNN
Down, girl. Don't take it personal. Illyria here doesn't have much interest in conversing with anybody.
ILLYRIA
Charles Gunn is correct. I hold you in no more contempt than any of the other vermin infesting this world. However, you interrupted me, a sin I'd advise you not to commit a second time. You claim to have The Sight. To prove this, you will now tell me what scores you are about to receive.
CORDELIA
It doesn't work that way.
GUNN
She doesn't get visions on demand. They're sorta random.
ILLYRIA
Then since you have failed your test, we shall hear the judges announce the scores themselves.
[Cut to Judges' Table.]
ANNOUNCER
Will the judges please reveal their scores? Drogyn The Battlebrand?
DROGYN
Eight.
ANNOUNCER
Wesley Wyndam-Price?
WESLEY
Eight.
ANNOUNCER
Daniel Osbourne?
OZ
Seven.
[Cut to backstage.]
ILLYRIA
The judges have assigned you a score of twenty-three, which now puts you in last place. Did you forsee your last place finish?
CORDELIA
I foresee my fist and your face.
ILLYRIA
An empty threat does not qualify you as a Seer. I did not suppose that you truly were, otherwise what point would there have been in you entering this competition in the first place?
GUNN
Unless we're the winners.
ILLYRIA
[Cocks her head and frowns.] That is true, Charles Gunn. [Narrows her eyes and looks at CORDELIA.] What have you foreseen?
CORDELIA
Why, what are you afraid I've seen?
ILLYRIA
Nothing. It is time to return the program to the Host.
[Cut to LORNE.]
LORNE
No, don't mind us. We've only got four more couples to get through, we can wait. But our next couple can't. They were in the Bottom Two last time. Will they avoid it this time? It's Sebassis and Willow.
[Cut to montage.]
--------------------------------------------
ANNOUNCER
Last episode, Sebassis and Willow found themselves in the Bottom Two.
--------------------------------------------
[Episode clip.]
[A red spotlight hits SEBASSIS and WILLOW. Her eyes grow wide as she sucks in a deep breath and holds it nervously. SEBASSIS' head is raised and his eyes are narrowed regally.]
LORNE
You are in the Bottom Two.
--------------------------------------------
ANNOUNCER
Will they be able to bounce back?
--------------------------------------------
SEBASSIS
[Interview.]
Being close to elimination seems to have given Miss Rosenberg extra drive and focus.
--------------------------------------------
[Rehearsal clip.]
[SEBASSIS sits at a table in the dance studio, sipping from a glass. The SLAVE is putting a cork back into his arm, and ARTODE stands nearby.]
[WILLOW bursts into the room.]
WILLOW
All right, get up! Let's get goin'! You're not gonna win this thing sittin' around drinkin' slave juice!
[SEBASSIS freezes, startled, his cup raised halfway to his mouth, an eyebrow raised curiously. ARTODE looks menacingly at WILLOW, and the SLAVE's eyes are wide.]
WILLOW
Come on, let's go! We got lots of work to do! [To camera] I can't believe I just said "slave juice" without flinching. Yargh.
--------------------------------------------
WILLOW
[Interview.]
I've faced demons, vampires, monsters, and Cordelia. But when that red light hit me, that was the scariest thing ever. It was a wake-up call.
--------------------------------------------
[Rehearsal clip.]
[SEBASSIS and WILLOW practicing, ARTODE and the SLAVE play cards at one of the tables.]
WILLOW
[Stopping the dance.] No, no, no!
SEBASSIS
I'm sorry, wasn't it supposed to be the left foot?
WILLOW
Yes, but your other left foot! Let's do it again! We've only got three more days to get it right! [Sees ARTODE and the SLAVE.] And what are you two doing lazing around? You! Get over there and give him more juice! And you! Get over there! That camera's not gonna block itself! Go!
--------------------------------------------
SEBASSIS
[Interview.]
She seemed to be taking things rather personally, as if she feels that a poor critique of her dancing is equivalent to a poor critique of her personality. I think it has forced her to tap into something deep inside her that she otherwise would not bring out.
--------------------------------------------
[Rehearsal clip.]
[SEBASSIS and WILLOW talking in a dance studio.]
SEBASSIS
You don't have to do that, you know.
WILLOW
I'm through foolin' around. No more Mr. Nice Witch. -- or Warlock. --or Ms. Nice Witch. No more! Do you want to win or not?
SEBASSIS
Very well.
--------------------------------------------
WILLOW
[Interview.]
We worked extra-hard this week on that Tango. And Sebassis did a good job, except --well, you know how Tango is real sharp and you have those quick head snaps an' all? Horns make that really scary.
--------------------------------------------
[Rehearsal clip.]
[SEBASSIS and WILLOW dancing. ARTODE and the SLAVE stand at the ready by the side of the floor. SEBASSIS and WILLOW stop dancing right in front of them.]
WILLOW
Okay, here would be where you snap your head back and forth.
SEBASSIS
Like so? [Emphatically turns his head first right, then left. His horn strikes the side of WILLOW's head.]
WILLOW
Aaaah! [Ducks.]
[ARTODE and the SLAVE step forward to assist.]
SEBASSIS
[Turning his head quickly back to look at WILLOW, and striking the SLAVE with his horn as he does so.] What happened?
SLAVE
Oww!
[WILLOW starts to stand upright but ducks again as SEBASSIS turns his head to look at the SLAVE.]
SEBASSIS
What?
[SEBASSIS notices that WILLOW is crouched on the floor, and bends over to help her up. ARTODE does the same.]
WILLOW
No, just stand up and stop shaking your head!
[Confused, SEBASSIS tries to stand up quickly, attempting to regain some dignity.]
SEBASSIS
I'm sorry, but I thought you asked me to--
ARTODE
Unnnnh.
SEBASSIS
Artode, what are you doing? Let me stand!
[ARTODE stands erect, an action which yanks SEBASSIS' head up as well. SEBASSIS' left horn is lodged in ARTODE's right shoulder.]
WILLOW
Oh my God!
SEBASSIS
What's going on? Why can't I move my head? Wait-- now why is my head moving from side to side?
WILLOW
Artode, I think you'd better sit down-- [SEBASSIS' head is jerked backward.] NOT YET! Wait a minute -- Slave, go-- do you even have a real name?
SLAVE
My master calls me "Slave" so that is my name.
SEBASSIS
[Impatiently] What is going on?
WILLOW
Oh, right! Go to the kitchenette, there's some bandages in the cabinet over the sink. [SEBASSIS tries to step forward, is unable to.] NOT YOU! [To SLAVE] Go!
[The SLAVE runs to the kitchenette, as WILLOW grabs SEBASSIS' horn in one hand and places the other hand on ARTODE's chest, then pulls and pushes until the horn is freed. WILLOW presses one hand over the wound and leads ARTODE to sit down in a chair. The SLAVE returns with a bandage and WILLOW begins to dress the wound.]
SEBASSIS
Oh, I see. Perhaps I did not fully consider the consequences of having my horns sharpened yesterday.
--------------------------------------------
WILLOW
[Interview.]
I'm kinda hoping we'll get to do Paso Doble, 'cause that's about bullfighting and, you know, horns. [Puts her fists on either side of her head and points her index fingers, simulating horns.]
--------------------------------------------
ARTODE
[Interview.]
[Right arm in a sling, he reads from a paper he holds in his left hand.] "I, Artode, recognize the risks inherent in any dance competition and do not hold the participants or crew of the show, its producers, the network, or its affiliates responsible for my injury. I also hereby release the Watchers' Council and Wolfram & Hart from any and all claims, now and in perpetuity."
--------------------------------------------
WILLOW
[Interview.]
We'll be around for the Paso Doble. [Points to her "Resolved Face".] I am not gonna be the next one to go home!
--------------------------------------------
[Montage ends.]
ANNOUNCER
Dancing the Tango, The Archduke Sebassis and Willow Rosenberg!
[WILLOW stands in the middle of the dance floor wearing a white blouse and a brown jumper]
["Temptation" begins to play.]
[SEBASSIS enters at the top of the stage, wearing a tuxedo with tail coat. WILLOW turns her head to look at him, then turns it away again. SEBASSIS decends the steps down to the dance floor, and beckons to WILLOW with his fingers. WILLOW shakes her head, putting her hands up to shield him from her gaze.]
[SEBASSIS continues to beckon to her as he comes closer, until he finally grabs her by the shoulders and sways her side to side as he gazes into her eyes, enthralling her. He releases her and sways side to side much like Fred Astaire, and WILLOW matches his movements. Suddenly he reaches out and pulls her to him, takes her into dance hold and dances her into some Tango moves.]
[SEBASSIS rolls WILLOW out to the side, then back in, then out again. Each time, WILLOW shields her face from him with her free hand. He rolls her back in once more and this time grabs her outfit and pulls. The clothes tear away to reveal a long sleeved black leotard. WILLOW simultaneously grabs her hair, pulls it over her face, than off of her head, revealing her actual hair, dyed black, underneath, and leaving black veins drawn on her face.]
[They take dance hold again and dance more risque moves, with lots of sharp snaps and turns. As the music nears its climax, they begin to spin in place, still in dance hold, faster and faster until the music hits its final chord, when SEBASSIS drops to one knee and WILLOW freezes, facing the judges, both hands in front of her and fingers spread wide, as if casting a spell. The CROWD delays for a second, then cheers.]
[The SLAVE emerges from backstage to retrieve the discarded costuming and disappears again as SEBASSIS escorts WILLOW to the Judges' Table and LORNE.]
LORNE
Oh, my goodness! That was an interesting Tango-- and kinda creepy! You even had the audience speechless for a moment! And here's another guy who's often speechless: Oz?
OZ
I'm rarely speechless. I just use an economy of words.
LORNE
The result is the same. So whaddaya think?
OZ
It kinda troubled me. Seemed a little close to home. But the dancing was pretty good although you were missin' some heel leads, too. [CROWD boos.]
LORNE
Okay. At least you tied the record of three sentences from Oz. Drogyn, please summarize the highlights of your thoughts on this routine.
DROGYN
[Nods.] All in all, an adequate routine and a commendable effort. [CROWD cheers. DROGYN looks at them, momentarily startled.] However, my colleague was correct when he said that heel leads were lacking, and may I also add that there was too much movement in the frame. [CROWD boos. DROGYN scowls at them, then continues, somewhat distractedly.] Your arms need to remain steady.
LORNE
All right, then. And now for Mr. Congeniality.
WESLEY
First of all, I'm wondering how you made the veins appear.
WILLOW
Water-activated makeup. I had a moist cloth inside the wig.
WESLEY
Very clever. Well, I must say, the routine was a bit disturbing, given what I know of your past, but all in all an enjoyable routine. [CROWD cheers.]
LORNE
All right. You two go backstage and talk to Illyria. [SEBASSIS and WILLOW step off camera.] So, Wes, you got anything to say about the heel leads? The unsteady frame?
WESLEY
No. Nothing at all, Lorne. [CROWD applauds.]
LORNE
Uh huh. You're not gonna make it through this whole program.
WESLEY
I'm enjoying my sixty minutes of popularity, Lorne.
LORNE
Enjoy it while it lasts. Illyria?
[Cut to backstage. ILLYRIA stands with SEBASSIS and WILLOW. HARMONY and GILES sit on the couch in the background.]
ILLYRIA
That routine was acceptable to me. Its subject matter pleased me.
SEBASSIS
Coming from you, your grace, that is a compliment.
ILLYRIA
[To WILLOW] What does Mr. Congeniality know about your past that disturbs him?
WILLOW
[Frowns.] "Mr. Congeniality?"
ILLYRIA
Yes. I, too, do not like this "Congeniality" person he is attempting to emulate.
WILLOW
If you're gonna have a pet name for him, you should try something other than that.
ILLYRIA
"Pet" name?
WILLOW
Yeah. Like-- like-- "Honey Bear" or-- or "Sweet Baboo."
[GILES snorts.]
HARMONY
Or like "Blondie Bear!" --But you can't use that one 'cause it's taken.
ILLYRIA
I will take that under advisement. Meanwhile, you will take the judges' scores under advisement.
[Cut to Judges' Table.]
ANNOUNCER
The judges have their scores. Drogyn The Battlebrand?
DROGYN
Seven.
ANNOUNCER
Wesley Wyndam-Price?
WESLEY
Eight.
ANNOUNCER
Daniel Osbourne?
OZ
Seven.
[Cut to backstage.]
ILLYRIA
You have received a score of twenty-two, which now puts you in last place.
WILLOW
Maybe twenty-two is our lucky number. We've gotten it every round.
SEBASSIS
We are truly consistent.
ILLYRIA
But you are not improving.
WILLOW
But we're not getting worse!
ILLYRIA
Constistent mediocrity is hardly a meaningful source of pride. Improve, or be gone.
SEBASSIS
We shall heed your words, eminence.
ILLYRIA
See that you do. You are dismissed. [Looks at the camera.] You are dismissed as well.
[Cut to LORNE]
LORNE
Did I see an actual segue back there from our Co-Host? There's hope yet! Anyway, our next couple went from the bottom two to the top two. It's Harmony and Giles!
[Cut to montage.]
--------------------------------------------
ANNOUNCER
Last week, their Quickstep inspired a good review from even the hardest judge!
--------------------------------------------
[Episode clip.]
[HARMONY and GILES stand with LORNE at the Judges' Table.]
WESLEY
[Wearing HARMONY's red feather boa around his neck.] Your footwork was impeccable, and you kept the smooth parts flowing. Well done!
--------------------------------------------
ANNOUNCER
Was it a flash in the pan or can they build on their success?
--------------------------------------------
HARMONY
[Squeals.] Oh, my God! That was so great getting such a good score last week! I think I've really grown as a dancer! And as a person. And our partnership has grown. I feel like Giles really trusts me now!
--------------------------------------------
[Rehearsal clip.]
[GILES lies asleep on a couch in the kitchenette. HARMONY stands beside the couch, bent over and closely looking at him. She is in vamp face and has blood on her lips and holds a mug.]
HARMONY
Gilesie? Are you asleep? You told me to wake you up at 2:30. Rest period's over.
GILES
[Sleepily] Yes. What? Yes. [Opens his eyes, sees HARMONY.] Auuggh!
[GILES sits bolt upright, cracking his head into HARMONY's as he does so.]
HARMONY
[Staggering backwards, and spilling the contents of her mug.] Ow!
[GILES reaches under the couch for a cross and holds it out.]
HARMONY cont.
What are you doing? Where'd you get that?
GILES
[Feels his neck and looks at his hand, now with blood on it.] Look! Blood!
HARMONY
[Returning to regular face.] Yeah, you made me spill my drink!
--------------------------------------------
GILES
[Interview.]
I was pleased with how we performed in the previous round. It was definitely an improvement over our showing in Round One. But I fear that our improvement wasn't so much a matter of fitting Harmony to the dance as it was a matter of fitting the dance to Harmony. It may have been as much coincidence as skill. I'm afraid the Mambo may not suit her um, personality quite as well as the Quickstep did. I wanted to get across to her the idea that one needs to control one's emotions and channel that energy into excellence in performance. So we volunteered to go on a publicity junket to see a football --er, soccer game. And fortunately, David Beckham now plays for the local club. If anyone can show her skill and finesse in an athletic endeavor, and competitive ballroom dancing is most certainly that, it would be Beckham. A learning opportunity for Harmony, and a treat for me to see as well. She appeared to be interested, and to understand, so I think it was time well spent.
--------------------------------------------
[Rehearsal Clip]
[HARMONY and GILES are at an L.A. Galaxy soccer game, in the stands.]
STADIUM P.A. ANNOUNCER
Please rise as we honor America with our national anthem.
[BOTH stand. HARMONY begins to sing as the "Star Spangled Banner" begins to play. GILES remains silent.]
HARMONY
[Quietly to GILES] Why aren't you singing?
GILES
[Cups his hand to his ear to hear her over the music] I'm British.
HARMONY
[Cupping her hand over her ear to hear him] So?
GILES
So it may surprise you to learn that most of the world doesn't sing this anthem. At least, not yet, anyway. In Britian, for instance, we still sing "God Save The Queen."
HARMONY
"Something by Queen?" Just any song by Queen?
GILES
What? "God Save The Queen." Yes.
--------------------------------------------
HARMONY
[Interview.]
He took me to some boring soccer game one night when he got tired of practicing. I guess he's trying to bond with me, to make our dance partnership stronger, so I went along with it. He kept trying to explain the game to me but I was bored so I just nodded and ignored him and tried to figure out what I was gonna wear tomorrow. But he's English so he likes stuff like soccer, and books, you know, boring stuff. Did you know they don't sing the National Anthem in England? They sing some other song by Queen, instead. I never knew that. It must be weird growing up in some other country and never getting to sing the National Anthem and be patriotic. Anyway, I decided to wear the pink camisole and Giles thought it really helped our practicing so it was a good choice.
--------------------------------------------
[Rehearsal clip.]
[HARMONY and GILES dancing in a dance studio. They stop, obviously tired.]
GILES
Well done, Harmony. But we'd best go through it once more to make sure we've got it.
HARMONY
[Sighs.] Again? Then can we skip working on the hips today?
GILES
I'm afraid not. You were forty-five minutes late today, and that's thrown us off schedule.
HARMONY
Well, it's not my fault! I had decided to wear the pink camisole last night, but then this morning I was kinda in a blue sorta mood, so I thought maybe I should wear the blue one instead but then I thought if I'm already blue, the blue one will just make me bluer so I should wear the pink one to cheer me up and it worked 'cause I got the step right!
GILES
Truly the color of your clothing has a significant impact upon the efficacy of our practices.
HARMONY
Exactly! See, you get it! [Gives GILES a hug.] Most men wouldn't understand unless they're gay. But you're British so it's okay and I know that's why you used that one word I didn't understand. Bohemian Rhapsody forever!
-------------------------------------------
GILES
[Interview.]
Although I've tried to make it clear that there will be nothing between us, I think we can use that flirtatiousness to our advantage for the Mambo.
--------------------------------------------
[Rehearsal clip]
[HARMONY and GILES sit on the couch in the kitchenette. The TV is on in the background, but GILES is not watching it.]
GILES
Ahem.
[HARMONY stares transfixed at the TV.]
GILES
Er, Harmony?
HARMONY
[Still looking at TV.] Uh huh?
GILES
Erm, about that hug yesterday
HARMONY
Omigod! Did I squeeze too hard? I didn't mean to use my vampire super-strength!
GILES
No, it's perfectly all right. It's just that-- I know that the Latin dances can get quite risque, and, well, that sort of thing shouldn't be going on. Perhaps if I were younger--
HARMONY
Oh, I totally understand! I'll make sure that doesn't happen again! But really, I'm not sure you could handle it even if you weren't so old.
GILES
Ahem. Er, yes, quite. Too-- too much for me to handle. Precisely. I-- it's not you, it's me.
--------------------------------------------
GILES
[Interview.]
I just hope they've chosen the proper colour for her dance costume this week.
--------------------------------------------
ANNOUNCER
Dancing the Mambo: Harmony Kendall and Rupert Giles!
[GILES stands alone in the middle of the floor. He wears a grey suit that is a couple of inches too short in the legs and jacket sleeves, a bow tie, white socks, and black dance shoes. His hair is greased back like Pee Wee Herman's, and he wears black, thick-framed glasses. He takes a couple steps in various directions, as if trying to figure out what is going on.]
["Tequila" by The Champs plays.]
[GILES begins to dance awkwardly, bending slightly at the waist and pumping his fists twice in front of him then twice behind him, and continues alternating front to back as he takes one step forward for every two fist pumps.]
[HARMONY walks onto the stage and strikes a sexy pose, one hand on her hip and one on the back of her head. She is wearing a revealing red two-piece outfit, with a piece of sheer red material trailing from one side of her waistband, and red, high-heeled shoes. GILES, still slightly bent at the waist, stops and gawks at her, letting his arms fall limp in front of him. HARMONY flits down from the stage and grabs the sheer material in her hand. Flirting with GILES, she drapes the material over his head. GILES just stands with mouth gaping. After a bit more flirting, HARMONY grabs GILES' shoulders from behind and straightens him up, then walks in front of him and places his right hand on her bare back. GILES turns away and covers his eyes, grinning shyly from ear to ear. HARMONY repeats the action, this time suceeding in getting into dance hold. She wiggles her hips suggestively, and GILES mimics her. His hips continue to wiggle, leading him into dancing some Mambo moves.
[Cut to backstage, where XANDER and ANYA sit on the couch.]
XANDER
[Covering his eyes.] Oh my God, I can't watch that!
ANYA
Watch what?
XANDER
Giles' hips. You shouldn't see a librarian moving like that. It's just... wrong.
ANYA
After seeing Sebassis in that speedo in Round One, I don't think anything else we could possibly see would be more disturbing.
XANDER
No. This is worse. It's like walking in on your parents having-- I can't even say it. Don't wanna picture Giles--
ANYA
"Intercourse?"
XANDER
Gyaaah! Geez! Don't! An' I thought walking in on him singing was bad enough!
[GILES leads HARMONY in a series of turns, then they do a series of hip grinds with each other.]
[Cut to backstage.]
XANDER
[Covers his eyes again.] I knew I shouldn'ta looked. Tell me when it's over.
[Cut to ballroom.]
[HARMONY and GILES dance a couple more Mambo moves, then she gives him a peck on the cheek and starts to strut away. GILES covers the kiss with his hand, with a surprised expression on his face. HARMONY stops at the foot of the stage stairs and turns to face GILES and the audience, striking her opening pose as she does so. GILES runs up to her and jumps into her arms, and she catches him in a cradle hold as the music ends. The CROWD cheers.]
[HARMONY carries GILES to the Judges' Table and LORNE.]
LORNE
I'm sure there's lots of guys in the audience who would like to be you right now, Giles!
[The masculine part of the CROWD cheers, and a wolf whistle sounds. A feminine squeal is heard.]
LORNE cont.
Not sure I wanna know about that one!
GILES
[Looking at the audience.] I do.
OZ
Me too.
WESLEY
And me.
DROGYN
I, too, would be interested to know where that came from.
LORNE
Okay, you guys, stop drooling. Harm, you can probably set him down now, Sweetcakes.
HARMONY
Oh. [Sets GILES down.]
LORNE
Okay Drogyn, just the Cliff's Notes version.
DROGYN
"Cliff's Notes?"
LORNE
The main points.
DROGYN
Oh. It was an entertaining routine. [CROWD cheers. DROGYN smiles.] However, I was distracted by the fact that you were often breaking on the "1" instead of the "2" beat. [CROWD boos. DROGYN frowns.] It was also too bouncy for a Mambo. [CROWD boos. DROGYN stands threateningly. The CROWD falls silent.]
OZ
[To WESLEY] Maybe that's what you should have done, Dude.
WESLEY
Perhaps. Do you think it would have that same effect?
OZ
No.
LORNE
Okay, Drogyn, down boy. Wes, what do you say?
WESLEY
It was a fun routine. [CROWD cheers.] And I enjoyed seeing Rupert play-- er--
GILES
You?
WESLEY
--so true to his own nature.
GILES
[Nodding and smiling.] Well done.
LORNE
Okay, Oz, how about you?
OZ
He's right about the "2" and the bounce. It's just not a Mambo if you're breaking on the "1".
LORNE
[Motions HARMONY and GILES backstage.] Some mixed reviews on the Mambo. How will that afftect their score? And there're two couples still to come when we return to DANCING WITH THE DEMONS
[Short, four-bar theme music plays to the break.]
Redsrule1 will be on spring break next week, but tune in on March 19th to see the conclusion of Episode 3 and vote for your favorites!
Author: redsrule1
Fandoms: Buffy, Angel, Dancing With the Stars
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I didn't make up the characters, the music, the shows, or the dances. I just live them sometimes.
Pairings: Gen
Characters: Just about everyone
Author's Notes: Thanks to yourlibrarian for the beta.
Summary: Nine couples, ONE winner, and you choose who becomes the champion!
LORNE
And we're back, to DANCING WITH THE DEMONS! Before the break, Lilah and Angel danced a hot, hot Mambo for us. Now it's time to see how hot the judges' scores are.
ANNOUNCER
The judges have their scores. Drogyn the Battlebrand?
DROGYN
Eight.
ANNOUNCER
Wesley Wyndam-Price?
WESLEY
Eight.
ANNOUNCER
Daniel Osbourne?
OZ
Eight.
[Cut to backstage, where LILAH and ANGEL stand with ILLYRIA. GUNN and CORDELIA sit on the couch in the background.]
ILLYRIA
The judges have given you a twenty-four. This puts you in last place.
ANGEL
Hey, only one other couple has danced so far.
ILLYRIA
And they scored better than you by one point. This puts you in last place.
ANGEL
But not for long.
ILLYRIA
That remains to be seen.
LILAH
Well, there's no way the other five couples are all gonna score better than twenty-four.
ILLYRIA
You are probably correct. But as we have dismissed the only one among us with The Sight, there is no way to know that for certain.
CORDELIA
I have The Sight.
ILLYRIA
[Eyes CORDELIA suspiciously.] Do you? You have not mentioned this previously.
CORDELIA
Saw no reason to.
ILLYRIA
If you have The Sight, then you can tell us if these two will remain in last place.
[Cut to LORNE]
LORNE
Well done! Next up, they finished sixth with their Cha Cha, and fourth with their Rumba. Can they continue their climb with the tango? Here's Gunn and Cordelia!
[Cut to montage.]
--------------------------------------------
ANNOUNCER
Round Two saw an improvement over their first round scores.
--------------------------------------------
[Episode clip.]
[GUNN and CORDELIA stand at the Judges' Table with LORNE.]
WESLEY
Your hard work is evident and tonight you've shown me that you could last if you keep it up.
--------------------------------------------
ANNOUNCER
Can they maintain their rise with their Tango?
--------------------------------------------
GUNN
[Interview.]
Now this is what I'm talkin' about! The other dances were cool, but now I finally get to do one of the tuxedo dances! I was gonna be mad if we got eliminated before I got a chance to wear a tux. And I want a number. I wanna wear a number on my back like they do on TV.
--------------------------------------------
[Rehearsal clip.]
[GUNN and CORDELIA standing in a dance studio.]
CORDELIA
Absolutely not!
GUNN
Why not? It would be cool!
CORDELIA
It would be ridiculous!
GUNN
It would be sweet!
CORDELIA
It would be hideous. And besides, you're not even gonna be wearing a tux!
GUNN
WHAT?
--------------------------------------------
CORDELIA
[Interview.]
Gunn's pretty excited about doing the Tango. And it's about time I don't have to worry about his hips. Why should I have to worry about him all the time anyway? Why should I be penalized because he can't do something? It's not fair. They should have solo categories like they do in figure skating. They should also let me have more input on my costumes. Did you see that supposed "Latin" dress they had me in last week? Who ever heard of a long-skirted Latin dress?
--------------------------------------------
[Backstage clip.]
[CORDELIA enters the wardrobe room for the show. An 50-something woman, a 20-something woman, and a man who's probably closer to 40 but looks as if he'd still rather be closer to 20, all look up from the clothes they are working on.]
CORDELIA
[Flashing her Oscar smile.] Hi, girls! Oh, and Craig! It's me!
OLDER WOMAN
[To YOUNGER WOMAN] Oh God, it's her.
YOUNGER WOMAN
[Forcing a smile.] What can we do for you today, Cor--
CORDELIA
[Hunching uninvited over the YOUNGER WOMAN's shoulder.] Whaddaya got for me this week, Christy? [Picks up dress.] This looks pretty. I like that high slit.
CHRISTY
I'm not working on you this week. This is for Buffy. Dottie's got you.
[DOTTIE scowls at CHRISTY, who gives her an apologetic smile and shoulder shrug.]
CORDELIA
[Her bright, toothy smile fades into a half-sneer as she unceremoniously drops the dress back onto the sewing table.] Really? Are you sure you want to show that much leg? I mean, seriously. Sticks. Am I right, Craig?
CRAIG
I didn't design it.
CORDELIA
Oh, I could tell you didn't! Your designs are always so good! I could tell you didn't design my Latin dress last week, either. Between you and me, I mean, come on, a full-length Latin dress? You're supposed to show it off in Latin, and baby, I got it to show off! You know what I mean, don't you, Craig? But they covered it up. And they gave Faith, of all people, the sheer dress. Who wants to see that skank in a sheer dress? What were they thinking? Do you wanna see Faith in a sheer dress, Craig?
CRAIG
Not particularly.
CORDELIA
See, ladies? Take it from a man. Buffy? Faith? A real man doesn't want to see them in revealing outfits. He wants to see a real woman like me in a skimpy outfit, don't you, Craig? So who's got me this week?
CRAIG and CHRISTY
[In unison, pointing at DOTTIE.] Dottie!
CORDELIA
Dottie! My favorite! I should have known. How are you, Sweetie? You got a nice sexy dress for me this week, right hon? [Picks up the dress DOTTIE is working on. Pins fall out and a strap comes loose.] Black, huh? I can do black. [Points to above her hip.] Maybe with a slit up to here and I can wear black hose-- or maybe fishnet. [Plops dress back down on DOTTIE's table.] Not like that thing I wore last week, huh?
DOTTIE
I designed th--
CORDELIA
Oh, and one more thing, Dottie. Gunn might be in here asking you to put him in a tux and put a number on his back. But we have kind of a comedy routine this week, so it wouldn't go. I know he can be kind of annoying sometimes, but he can also be persistent, so just ignore him and I'll try to keep him out of your hair so you can get your work done, okay? 'Kay. Thanks! [Blows kiss and leaves the room.]
--------------------------------------------
GUNN
[Interview]
But Tango's harder than I expected. And you're supposed to dance in body contact with your right hip bone in her belly button, and that gets kinda uncomfortable, especially since I dress to the right if you know what I mean. Cordy's great an' all, and well, I could do worse in this afterlife, but I don't wanna be givin' out free samples, y'know? Besides, that position can get dangerous for a guy.
--------------------------------------------
[Rehearsal clip.]
[GUNN and CORDELIA dancing in a studio. They stop abruptly.]
GUNN
[Hunching over.] OW!
CORDELIA
What?
GUNN
Wait a minute! [Turns his back to CORDELIA and the camera.]
CORDELIA
What are you doing?
GUNN
Is the camera on?
CORDELIA
[Looks at the camera.] Yeah.
GUNN
Then I can't tell you.
--------------------------------------------
CORDELIA
[Interview.]
The body contact was a little disruptive. He kept shiftin' around. Like I've never felt one before. I mean, why should he get all uptight about a little thing like that?
--------------------------------------------
[Montage ends.]
ANNOUNCER
Dancing the Tango: Charles Gunn and Cordelia Chase!
[GUNN stands in the middle of the dance floor wearing a tuxedo with tail coat, and with the number "10" on his back.]
["The Addams Family" theme song begins to play.]
[GUNN clasps his right hand to his chest and extends his left arm out to the side, and starts to step in the direction of his outstretched arm, pretending to dance. A three-foot high mound of hair waddles onto the stage, wearing sunglasses and a derby hat. GUNN dances to the foot of the stairs and reaches his hands out toward the creature, inviting Itt to join him in a dance. At this point, CORDELIA springs up from a crouch, throwing off the "Cousin Itt" costume and leaping off of the stage into GUNN's arms in one motion. CORDELIA is dressed in a black dress which is long in the back but short in the front, and wears black fishnet stockings. They take dance hold and break into some standard Tango moves.]
[Cut to backstage, where SEBASSIS and WILLOW sit on the couch.]
WILLOW
I knew it was just a matter of time before she started to dress like a professional.
SEBASSIS
[A tiny pleased smile crosses his mouth.] You truly have adopted a winning attitude, my dear.
[Cut to dance floor. GUNN leads CORDELIA into a checking motion then gives her a twist as he steps sharply forward with his right foot. This pops her right leg out away from him and she kicks it high, then circles it in a rondé. The front of her dress tumbles down to full length, matching the back.]
[Cut to backstage.]
WILLOW
To vote for Cordelia, dial 1-800-I'm a--
[Cut to ballroom.]
[GUNN steps backward into a lunge, keeping his right foot pointed in front of him. CORDELIA slides down his body and outstretched leg, until she lands on the floor in an extended line as the music ends. She quickly and almost imperceptibly moves some fabric to reveal her outstretched leg. The CROWD cheers.]
[GUNN stands and helps CORDELIA to her feet, and they walk up to the Judges' Table and LORNE.]
LORNE
That was quite a finish there. Don't forget your Tribble, though.
[CORDELIA's smile to LORNE falters for a moment. GUNN laughs and runs to pick up CORDELIA's "Cousin Itt" costume, then returns.]
LORNE cont.
So let's see what the judges thought. Drogyn, you go first.
DROGYN
It was an enjoyable routine, well danced. [CROWD cheers.] I wasn't sure what was going on with the dress there, but it didn't really detract from the overall effect.
CORDELIA
Well I told Dottie I wanted a short dress, so I pinned it up before we went on, but I guess it didn't hold. You might wanna check for pins on the floor.
LORNE
We'll do that. Drogyn, that's it? No glissandos in the thirty-fourth measure?
DROGYN
That's because you finally did not ask me what I thought. I think many things. I don't always say them all unless--
LORNE
Yeah, okay, I get the picture. I think I'll be more careful about my word choice, what do you think?
DROGYN
[Sighs and glares at LORNE.] I think that it has taken you an inordinate amount of time to reach that conclusion. I would have thought that you'd have realized that after the first mistake you made, and I actually cannot believe that you just--
LORNE
Okay, okay! Case in point. How about you, Mr. Congeniality?
WESLEY
I think you should have figured that out sooner, as well.
OZ
Yeah, I was wonderin'.
LORNE
About the dance, smartass.
WESLEY
[Smiling, pleased with his own joke.] It was a better dance than your Latin dances. [CROWD applauds.] I think you enjoy that macho Tango image.
GUNN
Got that right.
LORNE
And you, Oz? Surely you have a word or two to contribute.
OZ
Watch out for heel leads. Tango uses the heel as you step forward. You missed a lot of them. [CROWD boos. OZ looks at WESLEY.] You're right, that's no fun.
LORNE
All right. And by the way, Gunn, is there any significance to the number on your back?
GUNN
That's the score we want from the judges!
LORNE
[Motioning for GUNN and CORDELIA to go backstage.] I should have guessed. Well, we'll have to see if the power of suggestion works on these guys. Let's go backstage now, to Illyria.
[Cut to backstage. ILLYRIA stands with GUNN and CORDELIA. SEBASSIS and WILLOW sit on the couch in the background.]
ILLYRIA
There is now a superior intelligence lodged in the Bespectacled One's entrails?
GUNN
What?
CORDELIA
First of all, why are you calling him that, and secondly, what does that have to do with us?
ILLYRIA
I have been advised to choose an adopted name for Judge Wesley as this seems to be the custom. As to your second question, it pertains to you not at all as I have little interest in conversing with you other than--
CORDELIA
You know, I've had just about enough--
GUNN
Down, girl. Don't take it personal. Illyria here doesn't have much interest in conversing with anybody.
ILLYRIA
Charles Gunn is correct. I hold you in no more contempt than any of the other vermin infesting this world. However, you interrupted me, a sin I'd advise you not to commit a second time. You claim to have The Sight. To prove this, you will now tell me what scores you are about to receive.
CORDELIA
It doesn't work that way.
GUNN
She doesn't get visions on demand. They're sorta random.
ILLYRIA
Then since you have failed your test, we shall hear the judges announce the scores themselves.
[Cut to Judges' Table.]
ANNOUNCER
Will the judges please reveal their scores? Drogyn The Battlebrand?
DROGYN
Eight.
ANNOUNCER
Wesley Wyndam-Price?
WESLEY
Eight.
ANNOUNCER
Daniel Osbourne?
OZ
Seven.
[Cut to backstage.]
ILLYRIA
The judges have assigned you a score of twenty-three, which now puts you in last place. Did you forsee your last place finish?
CORDELIA
I foresee my fist and your face.
ILLYRIA
An empty threat does not qualify you as a Seer. I did not suppose that you truly were, otherwise what point would there have been in you entering this competition in the first place?
GUNN
Unless we're the winners.
ILLYRIA
[Cocks her head and frowns.] That is true, Charles Gunn. [Narrows her eyes and looks at CORDELIA.] What have you foreseen?
CORDELIA
Why, what are you afraid I've seen?
ILLYRIA
Nothing. It is time to return the program to the Host.
[Cut to LORNE.]
LORNE
No, don't mind us. We've only got four more couples to get through, we can wait. But our next couple can't. They were in the Bottom Two last time. Will they avoid it this time? It's Sebassis and Willow.
[Cut to montage.]
--------------------------------------------
ANNOUNCER
Last episode, Sebassis and Willow found themselves in the Bottom Two.
--------------------------------------------
[Episode clip.]
[A red spotlight hits SEBASSIS and WILLOW. Her eyes grow wide as she sucks in a deep breath and holds it nervously. SEBASSIS' head is raised and his eyes are narrowed regally.]
LORNE
You are in the Bottom Two.
--------------------------------------------
ANNOUNCER
Will they be able to bounce back?
--------------------------------------------
SEBASSIS
[Interview.]
Being close to elimination seems to have given Miss Rosenberg extra drive and focus.
--------------------------------------------
[Rehearsal clip.]
[SEBASSIS sits at a table in the dance studio, sipping from a glass. The SLAVE is putting a cork back into his arm, and ARTODE stands nearby.]
[WILLOW bursts into the room.]
WILLOW
All right, get up! Let's get goin'! You're not gonna win this thing sittin' around drinkin' slave juice!
[SEBASSIS freezes, startled, his cup raised halfway to his mouth, an eyebrow raised curiously. ARTODE looks menacingly at WILLOW, and the SLAVE's eyes are wide.]
WILLOW
Come on, let's go! We got lots of work to do! [To camera] I can't believe I just said "slave juice" without flinching. Yargh.
--------------------------------------------
WILLOW
[Interview.]
I've faced demons, vampires, monsters, and Cordelia. But when that red light hit me, that was the scariest thing ever. It was a wake-up call.
--------------------------------------------
[Rehearsal clip.]
[SEBASSIS and WILLOW practicing, ARTODE and the SLAVE play cards at one of the tables.]
WILLOW
[Stopping the dance.] No, no, no!
SEBASSIS
I'm sorry, wasn't it supposed to be the left foot?
WILLOW
Yes, but your other left foot! Let's do it again! We've only got three more days to get it right! [Sees ARTODE and the SLAVE.] And what are you two doing lazing around? You! Get over there and give him more juice! And you! Get over there! That camera's not gonna block itself! Go!
--------------------------------------------
SEBASSIS
[Interview.]
She seemed to be taking things rather personally, as if she feels that a poor critique of her dancing is equivalent to a poor critique of her personality. I think it has forced her to tap into something deep inside her that she otherwise would not bring out.
--------------------------------------------
[Rehearsal clip.]
[SEBASSIS and WILLOW talking in a dance studio.]
SEBASSIS
You don't have to do that, you know.
WILLOW
I'm through foolin' around. No more Mr. Nice Witch. -- or Warlock. --or Ms. Nice Witch. No more! Do you want to win or not?
SEBASSIS
Very well.
--------------------------------------------
WILLOW
[Interview.]
We worked extra-hard this week on that Tango. And Sebassis did a good job, except --well, you know how Tango is real sharp and you have those quick head snaps an' all? Horns make that really scary.
--------------------------------------------
[Rehearsal clip.]
[SEBASSIS and WILLOW dancing. ARTODE and the SLAVE stand at the ready by the side of the floor. SEBASSIS and WILLOW stop dancing right in front of them.]
WILLOW
Okay, here would be where you snap your head back and forth.
SEBASSIS
Like so? [Emphatically turns his head first right, then left. His horn strikes the side of WILLOW's head.]
WILLOW
Aaaah! [Ducks.]
[ARTODE and the SLAVE step forward to assist.]
SEBASSIS
[Turning his head quickly back to look at WILLOW, and striking the SLAVE with his horn as he does so.] What happened?
SLAVE
Oww!
[WILLOW starts to stand upright but ducks again as SEBASSIS turns his head to look at the SLAVE.]
SEBASSIS
What?
[SEBASSIS notices that WILLOW is crouched on the floor, and bends over to help her up. ARTODE does the same.]
WILLOW
No, just stand up and stop shaking your head!
[Confused, SEBASSIS tries to stand up quickly, attempting to regain some dignity.]
SEBASSIS
I'm sorry, but I thought you asked me to--
ARTODE
Unnnnh.
SEBASSIS
Artode, what are you doing? Let me stand!
[ARTODE stands erect, an action which yanks SEBASSIS' head up as well. SEBASSIS' left horn is lodged in ARTODE's right shoulder.]
WILLOW
Oh my God!
SEBASSIS
What's going on? Why can't I move my head? Wait-- now why is my head moving from side to side?
WILLOW
Artode, I think you'd better sit down-- [SEBASSIS' head is jerked backward.] NOT YET! Wait a minute -- Slave, go-- do you even have a real name?
SLAVE
My master calls me "Slave" so that is my name.
SEBASSIS
[Impatiently] What is going on?
WILLOW
Oh, right! Go to the kitchenette, there's some bandages in the cabinet over the sink. [SEBASSIS tries to step forward, is unable to.] NOT YOU! [To SLAVE] Go!
[The SLAVE runs to the kitchenette, as WILLOW grabs SEBASSIS' horn in one hand and places the other hand on ARTODE's chest, then pulls and pushes until the horn is freed. WILLOW presses one hand over the wound and leads ARTODE to sit down in a chair. The SLAVE returns with a bandage and WILLOW begins to dress the wound.]
SEBASSIS
Oh, I see. Perhaps I did not fully consider the consequences of having my horns sharpened yesterday.
--------------------------------------------
WILLOW
[Interview.]
I'm kinda hoping we'll get to do Paso Doble, 'cause that's about bullfighting and, you know, horns. [Puts her fists on either side of her head and points her index fingers, simulating horns.]
--------------------------------------------
ARTODE
[Interview.]
[Right arm in a sling, he reads from a paper he holds in his left hand.] "I, Artode, recognize the risks inherent in any dance competition and do not hold the participants or crew of the show, its producers, the network, or its affiliates responsible for my injury. I also hereby release the Watchers' Council and Wolfram & Hart from any and all claims, now and in perpetuity."
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WILLOW
[Interview.]
We'll be around for the Paso Doble. [Points to her "Resolved Face".] I am not gonna be the next one to go home!
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[Montage ends.]
ANNOUNCER
Dancing the Tango, The Archduke Sebassis and Willow Rosenberg!
[WILLOW stands in the middle of the dance floor wearing a white blouse and a brown jumper]
["Temptation" begins to play.]
[SEBASSIS enters at the top of the stage, wearing a tuxedo with tail coat. WILLOW turns her head to look at him, then turns it away again. SEBASSIS decends the steps down to the dance floor, and beckons to WILLOW with his fingers. WILLOW shakes her head, putting her hands up to shield him from her gaze.]
[SEBASSIS continues to beckon to her as he comes closer, until he finally grabs her by the shoulders and sways her side to side as he gazes into her eyes, enthralling her. He releases her and sways side to side much like Fred Astaire, and WILLOW matches his movements. Suddenly he reaches out and pulls her to him, takes her into dance hold and dances her into some Tango moves.]
[SEBASSIS rolls WILLOW out to the side, then back in, then out again. Each time, WILLOW shields her face from him with her free hand. He rolls her back in once more and this time grabs her outfit and pulls. The clothes tear away to reveal a long sleeved black leotard. WILLOW simultaneously grabs her hair, pulls it over her face, than off of her head, revealing her actual hair, dyed black, underneath, and leaving black veins drawn on her face.]
[They take dance hold again and dance more risque moves, with lots of sharp snaps and turns. As the music nears its climax, they begin to spin in place, still in dance hold, faster and faster until the music hits its final chord, when SEBASSIS drops to one knee and WILLOW freezes, facing the judges, both hands in front of her and fingers spread wide, as if casting a spell. The CROWD delays for a second, then cheers.]
[The SLAVE emerges from backstage to retrieve the discarded costuming and disappears again as SEBASSIS escorts WILLOW to the Judges' Table and LORNE.]
LORNE
Oh, my goodness! That was an interesting Tango-- and kinda creepy! You even had the audience speechless for a moment! And here's another guy who's often speechless: Oz?
OZ
I'm rarely speechless. I just use an economy of words.
LORNE
The result is the same. So whaddaya think?
OZ
It kinda troubled me. Seemed a little close to home. But the dancing was pretty good although you were missin' some heel leads, too. [CROWD boos.]
LORNE
Okay. At least you tied the record of three sentences from Oz. Drogyn, please summarize the highlights of your thoughts on this routine.
DROGYN
[Nods.] All in all, an adequate routine and a commendable effort. [CROWD cheers. DROGYN looks at them, momentarily startled.] However, my colleague was correct when he said that heel leads were lacking, and may I also add that there was too much movement in the frame. [CROWD boos. DROGYN scowls at them, then continues, somewhat distractedly.] Your arms need to remain steady.
LORNE
All right, then. And now for Mr. Congeniality.
WESLEY
First of all, I'm wondering how you made the veins appear.
WILLOW
Water-activated makeup. I had a moist cloth inside the wig.
WESLEY
Very clever. Well, I must say, the routine was a bit disturbing, given what I know of your past, but all in all an enjoyable routine. [CROWD cheers.]
LORNE
All right. You two go backstage and talk to Illyria. [SEBASSIS and WILLOW step off camera.] So, Wes, you got anything to say about the heel leads? The unsteady frame?
WESLEY
No. Nothing at all, Lorne. [CROWD applauds.]
LORNE
Uh huh. You're not gonna make it through this whole program.
WESLEY
I'm enjoying my sixty minutes of popularity, Lorne.
LORNE
Enjoy it while it lasts. Illyria?
[Cut to backstage. ILLYRIA stands with SEBASSIS and WILLOW. HARMONY and GILES sit on the couch in the background.]
ILLYRIA
That routine was acceptable to me. Its subject matter pleased me.
SEBASSIS
Coming from you, your grace, that is a compliment.
ILLYRIA
[To WILLOW] What does Mr. Congeniality know about your past that disturbs him?
WILLOW
[Frowns.] "Mr. Congeniality?"
ILLYRIA
Yes. I, too, do not like this "Congeniality" person he is attempting to emulate.
WILLOW
If you're gonna have a pet name for him, you should try something other than that.
ILLYRIA
"Pet" name?
WILLOW
Yeah. Like-- like-- "Honey Bear" or-- or "Sweet Baboo."
[GILES snorts.]
HARMONY
Or like "Blondie Bear!" --But you can't use that one 'cause it's taken.
ILLYRIA
I will take that under advisement. Meanwhile, you will take the judges' scores under advisement.
[Cut to Judges' Table.]
ANNOUNCER
The judges have their scores. Drogyn The Battlebrand?
DROGYN
Seven.
ANNOUNCER
Wesley Wyndam-Price?
WESLEY
Eight.
ANNOUNCER
Daniel Osbourne?
OZ
Seven.
[Cut to backstage.]
ILLYRIA
You have received a score of twenty-two, which now puts you in last place.
WILLOW
Maybe twenty-two is our lucky number. We've gotten it every round.
SEBASSIS
We are truly consistent.
ILLYRIA
But you are not improving.
WILLOW
But we're not getting worse!
ILLYRIA
Constistent mediocrity is hardly a meaningful source of pride. Improve, or be gone.
SEBASSIS
We shall heed your words, eminence.
ILLYRIA
See that you do. You are dismissed. [Looks at the camera.] You are dismissed as well.
[Cut to LORNE]
LORNE
Did I see an actual segue back there from our Co-Host? There's hope yet! Anyway, our next couple went from the bottom two to the top two. It's Harmony and Giles!
[Cut to montage.]
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ANNOUNCER
Last week, their Quickstep inspired a good review from even the hardest judge!
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[Episode clip.]
[HARMONY and GILES stand with LORNE at the Judges' Table.]
WESLEY
[Wearing HARMONY's red feather boa around his neck.] Your footwork was impeccable, and you kept the smooth parts flowing. Well done!
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ANNOUNCER
Was it a flash in the pan or can they build on their success?
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HARMONY
[Squeals.] Oh, my God! That was so great getting such a good score last week! I think I've really grown as a dancer! And as a person. And our partnership has grown. I feel like Giles really trusts me now!
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[Rehearsal clip.]
[GILES lies asleep on a couch in the kitchenette. HARMONY stands beside the couch, bent over and closely looking at him. She is in vamp face and has blood on her lips and holds a mug.]
HARMONY
Gilesie? Are you asleep? You told me to wake you up at 2:30. Rest period's over.
GILES
[Sleepily] Yes. What? Yes. [Opens his eyes, sees HARMONY.] Auuggh!
[GILES sits bolt upright, cracking his head into HARMONY's as he does so.]
HARMONY
[Staggering backwards, and spilling the contents of her mug.] Ow!
[GILES reaches under the couch for a cross and holds it out.]
HARMONY cont.
What are you doing? Where'd you get that?
GILES
[Feels his neck and looks at his hand, now with blood on it.] Look! Blood!
HARMONY
[Returning to regular face.] Yeah, you made me spill my drink!
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GILES
[Interview.]
I was pleased with how we performed in the previous round. It was definitely an improvement over our showing in Round One. But I fear that our improvement wasn't so much a matter of fitting Harmony to the dance as it was a matter of fitting the dance to Harmony. It may have been as much coincidence as skill. I'm afraid the Mambo may not suit her um, personality quite as well as the Quickstep did. I wanted to get across to her the idea that one needs to control one's emotions and channel that energy into excellence in performance. So we volunteered to go on a publicity junket to see a football --er, soccer game. And fortunately, David Beckham now plays for the local club. If anyone can show her skill and finesse in an athletic endeavor, and competitive ballroom dancing is most certainly that, it would be Beckham. A learning opportunity for Harmony, and a treat for me to see as well. She appeared to be interested, and to understand, so I think it was time well spent.
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[Rehearsal Clip]
[HARMONY and GILES are at an L.A. Galaxy soccer game, in the stands.]
STADIUM P.A. ANNOUNCER
Please rise as we honor America with our national anthem.
[BOTH stand. HARMONY begins to sing as the "Star Spangled Banner" begins to play. GILES remains silent.]
HARMONY
[Quietly to GILES] Why aren't you singing?
GILES
[Cups his hand to his ear to hear her over the music] I'm British.
HARMONY
[Cupping her hand over her ear to hear him] So?
GILES
So it may surprise you to learn that most of the world doesn't sing this anthem. At least, not yet, anyway. In Britian, for instance, we still sing "God Save The Queen."
HARMONY
"Something by Queen?" Just any song by Queen?
GILES
What? "God Save The Queen." Yes.
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HARMONY
[Interview.]
He took me to some boring soccer game one night when he got tired of practicing. I guess he's trying to bond with me, to make our dance partnership stronger, so I went along with it. He kept trying to explain the game to me but I was bored so I just nodded and ignored him and tried to figure out what I was gonna wear tomorrow. But he's English so he likes stuff like soccer, and books, you know, boring stuff. Did you know they don't sing the National Anthem in England? They sing some other song by Queen, instead. I never knew that. It must be weird growing up in some other country and never getting to sing the National Anthem and be patriotic. Anyway, I decided to wear the pink camisole and Giles thought it really helped our practicing so it was a good choice.
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[Rehearsal clip.]
[HARMONY and GILES dancing in a dance studio. They stop, obviously tired.]
GILES
Well done, Harmony. But we'd best go through it once more to make sure we've got it.
HARMONY
[Sighs.] Again? Then can we skip working on the hips today?
GILES
I'm afraid not. You were forty-five minutes late today, and that's thrown us off schedule.
HARMONY
Well, it's not my fault! I had decided to wear the pink camisole last night, but then this morning I was kinda in a blue sorta mood, so I thought maybe I should wear the blue one instead but then I thought if I'm already blue, the blue one will just make me bluer so I should wear the pink one to cheer me up and it worked 'cause I got the step right!
GILES
Truly the color of your clothing has a significant impact upon the efficacy of our practices.
HARMONY
Exactly! See, you get it! [Gives GILES a hug.] Most men wouldn't understand unless they're gay. But you're British so it's okay and I know that's why you used that one word I didn't understand. Bohemian Rhapsody forever!
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GILES
[Interview.]
Although I've tried to make it clear that there will be nothing between us, I think we can use that flirtatiousness to our advantage for the Mambo.
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[Rehearsal clip]
[HARMONY and GILES sit on the couch in the kitchenette. The TV is on in the background, but GILES is not watching it.]
GILES
Ahem.
[HARMONY stares transfixed at the TV.]
GILES
Er, Harmony?
HARMONY
[Still looking at TV.] Uh huh?
GILES
Erm, about that hug yesterday
HARMONY
Omigod! Did I squeeze too hard? I didn't mean to use my vampire super-strength!
GILES
No, it's perfectly all right. It's just that-- I know that the Latin dances can get quite risque, and, well, that sort of thing shouldn't be going on. Perhaps if I were younger--
HARMONY
Oh, I totally understand! I'll make sure that doesn't happen again! But really, I'm not sure you could handle it even if you weren't so old.
GILES
Ahem. Er, yes, quite. Too-- too much for me to handle. Precisely. I-- it's not you, it's me.
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GILES
[Interview.]
I just hope they've chosen the proper colour for her dance costume this week.
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ANNOUNCER
Dancing the Mambo: Harmony Kendall and Rupert Giles!
[GILES stands alone in the middle of the floor. He wears a grey suit that is a couple of inches too short in the legs and jacket sleeves, a bow tie, white socks, and black dance shoes. His hair is greased back like Pee Wee Herman's, and he wears black, thick-framed glasses. He takes a couple steps in various directions, as if trying to figure out what is going on.]
["Tequila" by The Champs plays.]
[GILES begins to dance awkwardly, bending slightly at the waist and pumping his fists twice in front of him then twice behind him, and continues alternating front to back as he takes one step forward for every two fist pumps.]
[HARMONY walks onto the stage and strikes a sexy pose, one hand on her hip and one on the back of her head. She is wearing a revealing red two-piece outfit, with a piece of sheer red material trailing from one side of her waistband, and red, high-heeled shoes. GILES, still slightly bent at the waist, stops and gawks at her, letting his arms fall limp in front of him. HARMONY flits down from the stage and grabs the sheer material in her hand. Flirting with GILES, she drapes the material over his head. GILES just stands with mouth gaping. After a bit more flirting, HARMONY grabs GILES' shoulders from behind and straightens him up, then walks in front of him and places his right hand on her bare back. GILES turns away and covers his eyes, grinning shyly from ear to ear. HARMONY repeats the action, this time suceeding in getting into dance hold. She wiggles her hips suggestively, and GILES mimics her. His hips continue to wiggle, leading him into dancing some Mambo moves.
[Cut to backstage, where XANDER and ANYA sit on the couch.]
XANDER
[Covering his eyes.] Oh my God, I can't watch that!
ANYA
Watch what?
XANDER
Giles' hips. You shouldn't see a librarian moving like that. It's just... wrong.
ANYA
After seeing Sebassis in that speedo in Round One, I don't think anything else we could possibly see would be more disturbing.
XANDER
No. This is worse. It's like walking in on your parents having-- I can't even say it. Don't wanna picture Giles--
ANYA
"Intercourse?"
XANDER
Gyaaah! Geez! Don't! An' I thought walking in on him singing was bad enough!
[GILES leads HARMONY in a series of turns, then they do a series of hip grinds with each other.]
[Cut to backstage.]
XANDER
[Covers his eyes again.] I knew I shouldn'ta looked. Tell me when it's over.
[Cut to ballroom.]
[HARMONY and GILES dance a couple more Mambo moves, then she gives him a peck on the cheek and starts to strut away. GILES covers the kiss with his hand, with a surprised expression on his face. HARMONY stops at the foot of the stage stairs and turns to face GILES and the audience, striking her opening pose as she does so. GILES runs up to her and jumps into her arms, and she catches him in a cradle hold as the music ends. The CROWD cheers.]
[HARMONY carries GILES to the Judges' Table and LORNE.]
LORNE
I'm sure there's lots of guys in the audience who would like to be you right now, Giles!
[The masculine part of the CROWD cheers, and a wolf whistle sounds. A feminine squeal is heard.]
LORNE cont.
Not sure I wanna know about that one!
GILES
[Looking at the audience.] I do.
OZ
Me too.
WESLEY
And me.
DROGYN
I, too, would be interested to know where that came from.
LORNE
Okay, you guys, stop drooling. Harm, you can probably set him down now, Sweetcakes.
HARMONY
Oh. [Sets GILES down.]
LORNE
Okay Drogyn, just the Cliff's Notes version.
DROGYN
"Cliff's Notes?"
LORNE
The main points.
DROGYN
Oh. It was an entertaining routine. [CROWD cheers. DROGYN smiles.] However, I was distracted by the fact that you were often breaking on the "1" instead of the "2" beat. [CROWD boos. DROGYN frowns.] It was also too bouncy for a Mambo. [CROWD boos. DROGYN stands threateningly. The CROWD falls silent.]
OZ
[To WESLEY] Maybe that's what you should have done, Dude.
WESLEY
Perhaps. Do you think it would have that same effect?
OZ
No.
LORNE
Okay, Drogyn, down boy. Wes, what do you say?
WESLEY
It was a fun routine. [CROWD cheers.] And I enjoyed seeing Rupert play-- er--
GILES
You?
WESLEY
--so true to his own nature.
GILES
[Nodding and smiling.] Well done.
LORNE
Okay, Oz, how about you?
OZ
He's right about the "2" and the bounce. It's just not a Mambo if you're breaking on the "1".
LORNE
[Motions HARMONY and GILES backstage.] Some mixed reviews on the Mambo. How will that afftect their score? And there're two couples still to come when we return to DANCING WITH THE DEMONS
[Short, four-bar theme music plays to the break.]
Redsrule1 will be on spring break next week, but tune in on March 19th to see the conclusion of Episode 3 and vote for your favorites!