(no subject)
It's sometimes hard reminiscing about things that are in the past but you are no longer a part of. (aka past friend/relationships). Some people are out there, traveling the world, living in foreign countries and helping others. Some people are going to law school, or becoming these amazing people. And I remember being there, years ago, when we all talked about this stuff. I'm happy for them who actually got out there and did it.
But then I think about myself. I never really had strong urges to go and do things. I was more of the sure whatever mindset. And now, looking back, I feel like I missed out on a lot. And now, I'm going to be married, and I don't have the flexibility or options to do things like that anymore. I can't go and spend three months in China trying to develop a new government or something (not that I would necessarily want to do exactly that...). I do envy those people who know what they want and have chosen their path. They are living their lives to the fullest, and enjoying it.
I don't regret being in love, and the choices I made, but I can't help but wonder what would have happened to me if I hadn't met Brian and chosen to marry him. I've chosen to grow into an adult, with getting married, and having a job, working the routine 9-5 that so many people get trapped into. I have the mundane, life struggles, but I lack a purpose or goal.
I hate it when I get all existential-istic. Why do I always have to dive deeper, find the meaning, the purpose, the goal?
As for the other thing that has happened this past week besides the wedding, I have chosen to take the high road. Move beyond it and move on with my life.
But then I think about myself. I never really had strong urges to go and do things. I was more of the sure whatever mindset. And now, looking back, I feel like I missed out on a lot. And now, I'm going to be married, and I don't have the flexibility or options to do things like that anymore. I can't go and spend three months in China trying to develop a new government or something (not that I would necessarily want to do exactly that...). I do envy those people who know what they want and have chosen their path. They are living their lives to the fullest, and enjoying it.
I don't regret being in love, and the choices I made, but I can't help but wonder what would have happened to me if I hadn't met Brian and chosen to marry him. I've chosen to grow into an adult, with getting married, and having a job, working the routine 9-5 that so many people get trapped into. I have the mundane, life struggles, but I lack a purpose or goal.
I hate it when I get all existential-istic. Why do I always have to dive deeper, find the meaning, the purpose, the goal?
As for the other thing that has happened this past week besides the wedding, I have chosen to take the high road. Move beyond it and move on with my life.