Interesting
I was just scanning over my blog entries from this last year, and I have to say I’m more interesting than the other blogs I sometimes read, and much more real. The ego really wants an audience. It is tempted to reach out and touch more people. I wish I could fix my little writing errors, I see them in so many pieces as I reread shit - they are hard to fix in the blog, so it is hardly worth it for the old ones.
My wife and I are again at some distance. She claims after my last post that she will stop reading my blog again. The ego is pissed, I want my audienceJ
I’m ready to quit.
I had dinner with my second son yesterday; the first time we have been together in several months since he broke up with his girl friend. If felt good to spend time with him. My son is nineteen. We went to the BBC, so that I could smoke a cigar. He said he had not spoken about having left his girlfriend with anyone. I was glad to be able to listen for him. Also to share myself with him. At the end of our few hours together he reported that he felt better, and when I reflected that he bfelt lighter to me he agreed. I don’t care to tell his story here, but he had moved away with her and then came back to this area suddenly. The relationship was not working for him and they had some argument and he fled. He does not want to go back, but he feels sadness that he did it the way he did. He plans to apologize for that. He is a brave man, and has a good heart, but has a lot of growing to do.
Yesterday had a lot of pain for me, especially early in the day and as I went down to talk with my son. I was aware of the pain that I feel about the distance that is back between my wife and me. She is clearly it the split-up mode again, and I have no desire to fight it. I am ready for the relief, and maybe the fun of exploring other woman. My daughter is sick this weekend after a great week at science camp. She is the place where much of my pain resides about a split. Even in the pain, I stayed with the presence. I kept diving back underneath to explore what was real - not that I got there.
In the middle of the day, K called to tell us that she and F had scene a great play and to suggest we go see it, but my daughter being sick made that not possible - not to mention that my wife wants no part of me right now. K and I had a great conversation, about relationships, etc. She is still trying to make her marriage work, I’m glad for that.
I have to go do some yard work!
r.s.
My wife and I are again at some distance. She claims after my last post that she will stop reading my blog again. The ego is pissed, I want my audienceJ
I’m ready to quit.
I had dinner with my second son yesterday; the first time we have been together in several months since he broke up with his girl friend. If felt good to spend time with him. My son is nineteen. We went to the BBC, so that I could smoke a cigar. He said he had not spoken about having left his girlfriend with anyone. I was glad to be able to listen for him. Also to share myself with him. At the end of our few hours together he reported that he felt better, and when I reflected that he bfelt lighter to me he agreed. I don’t care to tell his story here, but he had moved away with her and then came back to this area suddenly. The relationship was not working for him and they had some argument and he fled. He does not want to go back, but he feels sadness that he did it the way he did. He plans to apologize for that. He is a brave man, and has a good heart, but has a lot of growing to do.
Yesterday had a lot of pain for me, especially early in the day and as I went down to talk with my son. I was aware of the pain that I feel about the distance that is back between my wife and me. She is clearly it the split-up mode again, and I have no desire to fight it. I am ready for the relief, and maybe the fun of exploring other woman. My daughter is sick this weekend after a great week at science camp. She is the place where much of my pain resides about a split. Even in the pain, I stayed with the presence. I kept diving back underneath to explore what was real - not that I got there.
In the middle of the day, K called to tell us that she and F had scene a great play and to suggest we go see it, but my daughter being sick made that not possible - not to mention that my wife wants no part of me right now. K and I had a great conversation, about relationships, etc. She is still trying to make her marriage work, I’m glad for that.
I have to go do some yard work!
r.s.