Meta: John Winchester and the Hallmarks of Quality Parenting
This is my first bit of meta, so naturally, I picked the most contensious topic in Supernatural to discuss. Good plan, right?
The debate over John Winchester’s parenting skills or lack there of has been raging through the fandom since season one. There are those who look at how screwed-up his boys are and argue that he is the worst dad in the history of ever. Then there are the John apologists who’s catch-phrase seems to be “he did the best he could.” Lastly, there are people like me who still can’t decided if he needs a hug or a good swift kick to the behind. One thing I think we can all agree on is that John Winchester is an interesting, complex and totally bad-ass character that’s fun to watch, but would probably be a little scary to meet in real life.
The problem with the fandom debate is that we rarely actually take the time to define what makes a good parent. We know he is better dad than say, Mr. Miller, but does that make him good? What are the hallmarks of a good parent? Well, from a legal standpoint, there are three key things.
1. Be non-abusive. I’m not going to touch the spanking debate with a ten-foot pole, but I think we can all agree that anyone who beats or sexually molests their child fails as both a parent and as a human being.
2. Provide for child’s physical needs. Kids need things like food, clothes and shelter and it’s a parents job to provide them. I’m not saying that only wealthy people should have kids, but social services do take children away from parents who are incapable of providing.
3. Take care of child. Parents don’t have to be there 24/7. I was a latch-key kid and plenty of people have babysitters and nannies, but children, especially young children, require some kind of adult, or at least teenage, oversight.
Those are the bare minimum requirements for not having your children removed by social services, but there are lots of people who fulfill them who still fail as parents. So what else makes a good parent?
4. Love child. Do I really need to explain that?
5. Plan for the future. Like the song says, the children are our future. Good parents want their kids to have successful adult lives. Helping them achieve this can involve anything from long term financial plans for education or inheritance to encouragement in the pursuit of dreams. It can also involve the creating of contingency plans should anything happen to the parents. Having a will and a designated guardian set up may not sound like much, but it beats an orphanage hands down.
6. Teach child to be a decent person. This bit is tricky. Decency is highly subjective and even the best parents can produce sociopaths, but it’s important to at least try.
7. Show child they are loved and worth loving. Kids need to feel loved in order to have important things like self-esteem and be able to have functioning adult relationships. You can really love your children, but if you never show it, it wont mean much to your kid.
***
So, that’s my list of good parenting traits. How does John Winchester measure up?
1. Be non-abusive. As we learn in Nightmare, John has never laid a hand on his boys. Score: Good : )
2. Provide for child’s physical needs. Did John feed, clothe and keep a roof over his boys’ heads? You betcha. Hunting may pay less than jack, but somehow he managed it. Did he work odd jobs? Hustle pool? Run credit card scams? Steal? Who knows, either way he did it. Go John. Score: Good : )
3. Take care of child. Now, see, this one is tricky. John and Dean would probably think he did. After all, he taught Dean how to defend himself and had clear rules as to how the boys were supposed to behave when he wasn’t there. On the other hand, there isn’t a child protective service agent in the country who wouldn’t see a 10-year-old and a 6-year-old left alone in a motel room for three days with a shotgun and some canned goods as justifiable grounds to remove them from John’s care (Something Wicked). And that’s leaving out the part with there being a child-eating monster on the loose. If we take Dean’s monolog in AHBL and Sam’s flashback in Very Supernatural Christmas as signs of a consistent pattern then it becomes clear that John sort of sucked on the being there to take care of his kids front. Score: Bad :(
4. Love child. Do we even need to debate this? Score: Excellent : )
5. Plan for the future. Pre-demon John was all over this. He had a college fund set up for both his kids, and I have no doubt he would have been over the moon about Sam going to Stanford. Post-demon John however, not so much. Post-demon John was only thinking about the immediate goal of hunting to the point where he spent his sons’ college money on ammunition (Dean Man’s Blood) and flipped out over his youngest going to college. There is also the question of contingency planning. Hunting isn’t exactly a safe job. As wee!Sam pointed out in Very Supernatural Christmas, dad could die and then who protects them? In Something Wicked, the contingency plan is to call a man who lives three hours away if John doesn’t come back. It may not be the best plan ever, but it’s better than them living on the streets or something equally unpleasant. Score: long term, bad :( short term, decent : |
6. Teach child to be a decent person. Are the boy’s decent people? They regularly lie, steal and commit credit card fraud. They’ve both killed people too. Admittedly, there were some pretty extenuating circumstances around those deaths and they both expressed remorse over it, but they still did it. On the other hand, they, Dean especially, hunt for the express purpose of helping people. So, they clearly aren’t sociopaths and understand the difference between right and wrong. They’re just really morally flexible. Score: Decent : |
7. Show child they are loved and worth loving. Even parents who excel at the first six items on this list can fail abysmally on this one, but it is kind of important. John’s results on this front are decidedly mixed. During the first season, Sam believes himself to be a disappointment to his father to the point where he questions if John even wants to see him (Bugs). He and John sort of reach an understanding in Dead Man’s Blood, but it’s still safe to say that they had some issues. On the other hand, said issues don’t really seem to have negatively effected Sam’s self-esteem. He believes in himself, believes himself to be worth loving and is capable of forming healthy relationships with others. And Dean? Well, hundreds of metas have been written about his well-documented self-esteem issues, so its safe to say John failed completely to help his son develop even a rudimentary sense of self-worth. Score: Bad :(
So, is John a good parent? Well, he loved his boys. He provided for them, never purposefully hurt them and raised them to be good, if not especially law-abiding, men. On the other hand, he let his own obsession get in the way of their development into emotionally, financially and socially successful adults. Did he do that on purpose? God, I hope not. Is he still responsible for his actions and their results? Hells yeah. Does that make him a bad parent? Well, let’s put it this way; I sure as hell wouldn’t want him for a father.
The debate over John Winchester’s parenting skills or lack there of has been raging through the fandom since season one. There are those who look at how screwed-up his boys are and argue that he is the worst dad in the history of ever. Then there are the John apologists who’s catch-phrase seems to be “he did the best he could.” Lastly, there are people like me who still can’t decided if he needs a hug or a good swift kick to the behind. One thing I think we can all agree on is that John Winchester is an interesting, complex and totally bad-ass character that’s fun to watch, but would probably be a little scary to meet in real life.
The problem with the fandom debate is that we rarely actually take the time to define what makes a good parent. We know he is better dad than say, Mr. Miller, but does that make him good? What are the hallmarks of a good parent? Well, from a legal standpoint, there are three key things.
1. Be non-abusive. I’m not going to touch the spanking debate with a ten-foot pole, but I think we can all agree that anyone who beats or sexually molests their child fails as both a parent and as a human being.
2. Provide for child’s physical needs. Kids need things like food, clothes and shelter and it’s a parents job to provide them. I’m not saying that only wealthy people should have kids, but social services do take children away from parents who are incapable of providing.
3. Take care of child. Parents don’t have to be there 24/7. I was a latch-key kid and plenty of people have babysitters and nannies, but children, especially young children, require some kind of adult, or at least teenage, oversight.
Those are the bare minimum requirements for not having your children removed by social services, but there are lots of people who fulfill them who still fail as parents. So what else makes a good parent?
4. Love child. Do I really need to explain that?
5. Plan for the future. Like the song says, the children are our future. Good parents want their kids to have successful adult lives. Helping them achieve this can involve anything from long term financial plans for education or inheritance to encouragement in the pursuit of dreams. It can also involve the creating of contingency plans should anything happen to the parents. Having a will and a designated guardian set up may not sound like much, but it beats an orphanage hands down.
6. Teach child to be a decent person. This bit is tricky. Decency is highly subjective and even the best parents can produce sociopaths, but it’s important to at least try.
7. Show child they are loved and worth loving. Kids need to feel loved in order to have important things like self-esteem and be able to have functioning adult relationships. You can really love your children, but if you never show it, it wont mean much to your kid.
***
So, that’s my list of good parenting traits. How does John Winchester measure up?
1. Be non-abusive. As we learn in Nightmare, John has never laid a hand on his boys. Score: Good : )
2. Provide for child’s physical needs. Did John feed, clothe and keep a roof over his boys’ heads? You betcha. Hunting may pay less than jack, but somehow he managed it. Did he work odd jobs? Hustle pool? Run credit card scams? Steal? Who knows, either way he did it. Go John. Score: Good : )
3. Take care of child. Now, see, this one is tricky. John and Dean would probably think he did. After all, he taught Dean how to defend himself and had clear rules as to how the boys were supposed to behave when he wasn’t there. On the other hand, there isn’t a child protective service agent in the country who wouldn’t see a 10-year-old and a 6-year-old left alone in a motel room for three days with a shotgun and some canned goods as justifiable grounds to remove them from John’s care (Something Wicked). And that’s leaving out the part with there being a child-eating monster on the loose. If we take Dean’s monolog in AHBL and Sam’s flashback in Very Supernatural Christmas as signs of a consistent pattern then it becomes clear that John sort of sucked on the being there to take care of his kids front. Score: Bad :(
4. Love child. Do we even need to debate this? Score: Excellent : )
5. Plan for the future. Pre-demon John was all over this. He had a college fund set up for both his kids, and I have no doubt he would have been over the moon about Sam going to Stanford. Post-demon John however, not so much. Post-demon John was only thinking about the immediate goal of hunting to the point where he spent his sons’ college money on ammunition (Dean Man’s Blood) and flipped out over his youngest going to college. There is also the question of contingency planning. Hunting isn’t exactly a safe job. As wee!Sam pointed out in Very Supernatural Christmas, dad could die and then who protects them? In Something Wicked, the contingency plan is to call a man who lives three hours away if John doesn’t come back. It may not be the best plan ever, but it’s better than them living on the streets or something equally unpleasant. Score: long term, bad :( short term, decent : |
6. Teach child to be a decent person. Are the boy’s decent people? They regularly lie, steal and commit credit card fraud. They’ve both killed people too. Admittedly, there were some pretty extenuating circumstances around those deaths and they both expressed remorse over it, but they still did it. On the other hand, they, Dean especially, hunt for the express purpose of helping people. So, they clearly aren’t sociopaths and understand the difference between right and wrong. They’re just really morally flexible. Score: Decent : |
7. Show child they are loved and worth loving. Even parents who excel at the first six items on this list can fail abysmally on this one, but it is kind of important. John’s results on this front are decidedly mixed. During the first season, Sam believes himself to be a disappointment to his father to the point where he questions if John even wants to see him (Bugs). He and John sort of reach an understanding in Dead Man’s Blood, but it’s still safe to say that they had some issues. On the other hand, said issues don’t really seem to have negatively effected Sam’s self-esteem. He believes in himself, believes himself to be worth loving and is capable of forming healthy relationships with others. And Dean? Well, hundreds of metas have been written about his well-documented self-esteem issues, so its safe to say John failed completely to help his son develop even a rudimentary sense of self-worth. Score: Bad :(
So, is John a good parent? Well, he loved his boys. He provided for them, never purposefully hurt them and raised them to be good, if not especially law-abiding, men. On the other hand, he let his own obsession get in the way of their development into emotionally, financially and socially successful adults. Did he do that on purpose? God, I hope not. Is he still responsible for his actions and their results? Hells yeah. Does that make him a bad parent? Well, let’s put it this way; I sure as hell wouldn’t want him for a father.