Readable?
I am really enjoying posting again. I think I enjoy it because I know no one really reads it. I realize how boring people's journals can be and hope that mine is that way and deters people. But somehow I like making these public. I started keeping a private journal, a hand written one. Half because I'd love it if my handwriting didn't look like a four year old.
For the first time in my life I am choosing to let the time between jobs exist. Usually I fill it up with another job or a side job, but this time I am taking time off. I intentionally started my job search a month later than normal so that I could have some time.
For the longest time I used the phrase "Mr. Good for Right Now" but it isn't until now that all the time I was using the phrase i maybe should have prepared myself for "Mr. Right, just not for Right Now." Had I been prepared ahead of time perhaps it all would be easier. Then again that would totally ruin my fantastic ability to run away from my personal problems and people in general. I suppose that is why my relationships have a tendencie to end tragically or atleast and a fiery ball of doom. I tend to either over think things or being completely rash, most of this has a lot to do with my ability to talk myself into something and by the time Ive done it only then do I realize my premise was over/understated. I am not like this at work and perhaps that is why it exists so frequently in my personal life.
Work is good. We finish on Sunday and then I am unemployed and I am going to try to enjoy it. I did in on purpose as I said, but I am trying to let go of some of my workaholic tendencies. At some point I am going to have to admit to changing my priorities, mine as well be now. Howard wants to pitch our new production model and use us (him, tom and i) as the team to do it. Although his first victim would be wonderworld and it will be a hard sell, based on the idea of American story artists and a very expensive production manager for thier ideals (moi). Ellen reccommended me for this boutique animation studio that wasn't my style but she described me as 'you can give her something and she'll figure it out.' I appreciate this mostly because atleast Ellen realize how much of the line producing I do, that is why I like Ellen. I think her and I would make good going out buddies and I'll try to get her to go out with me after Sunday. She's like that high school party girl I never hung out with, but she's forty which might be why its fun.
I think my biggest mistake and realization was that I assumed that one person's view of me was wrong and that he should have known me better. But then after talking to people I realized that no one really knew that part of me, or a lot of me. I do a great job of putting up walls between myself and everyone else, half because I dislike a lot of types of people and half because I expect something of my friends/boyfriends and when they don't fit the ideal I tend to get really frustrated.
I did this a lot with both Kevin and Kyle. I saw them and I saw how smart and talented and funny they both were but when they started not really striving to succeed in school/business/personal life/choosing the wrong friends I got really frustrated. But at no point did I explain it to them or tell them how much I loved either of them. Thats tough ya know? The only people I constantly express my devotion in a non-funny way would be my family, and in my last relationship. But even there there were still gigantic Wall-O-China walls. I suppose that's pretty typical though.
I saw Distracted last week and I left it being really raggingly pissed. The side that the writer/director/actors were picking seemed to be that drugs for children are a bad idea. However when I think about this I cannot help but think where I would be without getting meds as a kid. I mean in my freshman year of high school I had friends but didn't participate and I couldn't figure out who I was. Going on meds cleared my head, I wasn't in a fog and I could be myself and be ambitious. Plus I met Cid and she really made it seem cool to be yourself and be loud about it. I miss her a lot and wonder what the hell happened to her. It would be just like her to not be on any of the myspace/friendster sites. But my question really becomes how can a parent really tell what their child is going through, how can a parent tell that their twelve year old's deep insomnia also means they lay awake at night wondering if killing yourself means you can finally go to sleep. There was something wrong and had my parents not been willing to do something about it i'd be in an entirely different place in my life instead of being just freakishly successful. Im no longer on meds but I was glad that I had them, and to be honest will probably go back on at several points in my life. Depression runs in the family along with love/hate relationships, being unable to forgive and issues with ovaries.
I think I am going to learn how to use filemaker pro. I know Nick and other companies use it and I figure it might be a good thing to add to my program repitoire. What I am currently looking for is a much better program to view progress of art without having to use the very complicated and unreadable excel. Artists in general hate dates (except story artists apparently) and so i need a way to figure that one out. The Rugrats method is competely text dependent and I find it is great for animation houses and production people but not artists. Finally got my desire for digital filing down, sort of. Also I need to switch to using microsoft outlook as opposed to internet based mail servers. There has to be a way to merge artists personal schedules with the over all schedule and still be able to see exactly what characters/bgs they should be working on. And also some way to account for the rough pass for all designs....why am I journalling about this?
Ive made mistakes, but I dont think I can go backwards. But at the same time I only want to travel down a known path if I know it will lead to a good ending. At the same time, everyone is responsible for themselves and what they decide to get in to.
For the first time in my life I am choosing to let the time between jobs exist. Usually I fill it up with another job or a side job, but this time I am taking time off. I intentionally started my job search a month later than normal so that I could have some time.
For the longest time I used the phrase "Mr. Good for Right Now" but it isn't until now that all the time I was using the phrase i maybe should have prepared myself for "Mr. Right, just not for Right Now." Had I been prepared ahead of time perhaps it all would be easier. Then again that would totally ruin my fantastic ability to run away from my personal problems and people in general. I suppose that is why my relationships have a tendencie to end tragically or atleast and a fiery ball of doom. I tend to either over think things or being completely rash, most of this has a lot to do with my ability to talk myself into something and by the time Ive done it only then do I realize my premise was over/understated. I am not like this at work and perhaps that is why it exists so frequently in my personal life.
Work is good. We finish on Sunday and then I am unemployed and I am going to try to enjoy it. I did in on purpose as I said, but I am trying to let go of some of my workaholic tendencies. At some point I am going to have to admit to changing my priorities, mine as well be now. Howard wants to pitch our new production model and use us (him, tom and i) as the team to do it. Although his first victim would be wonderworld and it will be a hard sell, based on the idea of American story artists and a very expensive production manager for thier ideals (moi). Ellen reccommended me for this boutique animation studio that wasn't my style but she described me as 'you can give her something and she'll figure it out.' I appreciate this mostly because atleast Ellen realize how much of the line producing I do, that is why I like Ellen. I think her and I would make good going out buddies and I'll try to get her to go out with me after Sunday. She's like that high school party girl I never hung out with, but she's forty which might be why its fun.
I think my biggest mistake and realization was that I assumed that one person's view of me was wrong and that he should have known me better. But then after talking to people I realized that no one really knew that part of me, or a lot of me. I do a great job of putting up walls between myself and everyone else, half because I dislike a lot of types of people and half because I expect something of my friends/boyfriends and when they don't fit the ideal I tend to get really frustrated.
I did this a lot with both Kevin and Kyle. I saw them and I saw how smart and talented and funny they both were but when they started not really striving to succeed in school/business/personal life/choosing the wrong friends I got really frustrated. But at no point did I explain it to them or tell them how much I loved either of them. Thats tough ya know? The only people I constantly express my devotion in a non-funny way would be my family, and in my last relationship. But even there there were still gigantic Wall-O-China walls. I suppose that's pretty typical though.
I saw Distracted last week and I left it being really raggingly pissed. The side that the writer/director/actors were picking seemed to be that drugs for children are a bad idea. However when I think about this I cannot help but think where I would be without getting meds as a kid. I mean in my freshman year of high school I had friends but didn't participate and I couldn't figure out who I was. Going on meds cleared my head, I wasn't in a fog and I could be myself and be ambitious. Plus I met Cid and she really made it seem cool to be yourself and be loud about it. I miss her a lot and wonder what the hell happened to her. It would be just like her to not be on any of the myspace/friendster sites. But my question really becomes how can a parent really tell what their child is going through, how can a parent tell that their twelve year old's deep insomnia also means they lay awake at night wondering if killing yourself means you can finally go to sleep. There was something wrong and had my parents not been willing to do something about it i'd be in an entirely different place in my life instead of being just freakishly successful. Im no longer on meds but I was glad that I had them, and to be honest will probably go back on at several points in my life. Depression runs in the family along with love/hate relationships, being unable to forgive and issues with ovaries.
I think I am going to learn how to use filemaker pro. I know Nick and other companies use it and I figure it might be a good thing to add to my program repitoire. What I am currently looking for is a much better program to view progress of art without having to use the very complicated and unreadable excel. Artists in general hate dates (except story artists apparently) and so i need a way to figure that one out. The Rugrats method is competely text dependent and I find it is great for animation houses and production people but not artists. Finally got my desire for digital filing down, sort of. Also I need to switch to using microsoft outlook as opposed to internet based mail servers. There has to be a way to merge artists personal schedules with the over all schedule and still be able to see exactly what characters/bgs they should be working on. And also some way to account for the rough pass for all designs....why am I journalling about this?
Ive made mistakes, but I dont think I can go backwards. But at the same time I only want to travel down a known path if I know it will lead to a good ending. At the same time, everyone is responsible for themselves and what they decide to get in to.