Sam explains his charmingly sardonic personality (**1/2)
I mock things. I mock things quite regularly, and sometimes with wild abandon. I can't go through a day without putting something, someone down in some way, even if it's in total jest. It's not that I'm angry, or bitter, or insert-your-own-damn-synonym-here all the time. I can be having the happiest day of my life, but I'll be damned if I don't verbally pummel a toddler or two while I'm clicking my heels toward the sunset.
You're smiling, outgoing, and innocent of all the depravities of the world. I. Must. Mock. You. Or myself, in front of you, or the dude out in the street, anyone, anything; your ears cannot escape my corruption. Being a dick can be great fun most of the time. But the smile drops and you freeze up slightly, not quite knowing what to say. Perhaps you slowly mouth out, "I see," or the ever useful, "Oh," or even the confounding, "That's cool." Cry your woes, peon, you have joined my legions of The Slightly Uncomfortable.
I can go through conversations without ever being so negative, of course, but don't expect it to be me. I'll create small talk and smile and chuckle the whole fucking time, but it wouldn't be me that you'd be talking to.
I know where it seems like I'm going with this. It's true, I can alienate nice people, and I do not enjoy putting on a facade. I can't be a 21 year-old Holden Caulfield though; I'm too much of a phony who's protective of all but his little sister's innocence. Also, I'm Chinese, you colorblind fuck. But in all honesty, I'm getting tired of it. Of course I want good, interesting people to accept me. I really don't mean harm. I put up a front, because in case you're dense as lead I'll let you know that I fear rejection. There, I admit it, I am so fucking terrified of it. Nearly all my social problems lead to this fear, and eventually I'll just develop another fear of living the rest of my life alone and despondent. But I also know I'm still young. Despite all my pessimism, I'm still (stupidly) an optimist.
Maybe I should be more sociable, and start a hobby outside of video games and ranting. I should join some other clubs besides AgASA, ones where I can meet some new friends who may even share much in common with me. I can then stop being so negative. I can listen to happy non-metal music. I can become apathetic and/or conservative. I can smile for no real reason. I can FUCKING FUCK THAT SHIT HERE ARE SOME WAYS YOU CAN BETTER HANDLE MY COLORFUL PERSONALITY:
1. Fucking challenge me if I say something mean! If I'm going to see your smile drop, or go through yet another uncomfortable pause, at least follow it up with, like, "Now that's a terrible attitude!" You know, show me the light, no matter how much it burns.
2. Pleeeeeease try not to ask me, "What's up?" In an effort to bring some meaning back into the English language, I will actually try to answer this question, and sometimes you don't want that! "Hey Sam, what's up? "Uhhhhhh I'm walking over there now. After getting up from my seat. It was getting sticky. Also, I'm hungry" "Oh. *pause here, maybe* I see. *Or here* That's cool. *pause or complete silence"" You get the idea, I may freeze up and answer with my most immediate action, and with my cheery lexicon my reply will either be depressingly mundane and/or annoyingly negative. If you actually do want to know what exactly is up, then ask something more specific and pray to good chance that I don't bitch about something for that reply.
3. Think about it. You don't have to say benign or positive things to be happy. Of course, if to derive pleasure from life you deride it incessantly, then I would probably not like you. Few people would! And of course I don't expect people to say, "I've been having a pretty good day. Gee, there sure are a lot of dead people in the Middle East. But I'm doing pretty good right now! :D" This is actually kinda hard to explain, but I'll try here:
If you are/want to be an sociable, open-minded person, then I suggest learning how to make the best out of any negative thing said. Nothing on the level of "Be glad it's them and not us" Bono rhetoric...it'll just have to be up to you to have the 1337 linguistic h4x0rz to show me that whatever thing/person I'm hounding on is not so bad after all. Whether or not it changes my mind is irrelevant; I'll play off of that and either say I agree with you, or I will have had enough reaction time whilst you speak that I can tactfully move on to something else. Okay, so I said I don't like putting on a facade, but I'll admit it, a good amount of the time I follow the polite fiction (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polite_fiction ... I would've simply hyperlinked that, but LJ is being stubborn). It's when I can't help but break out of it that this method can bring our phoniness back on track. In other words, this particular guideline is a sort of last resort in making things not awkward for not only you, but more importantly ME!
4. In some bizarre twist of logic that I go through when I'm bitching about something, I exaggerate my complaint or mockery to actually make other people laugh! I know, hyperbole for comic effect, isn't it KARAZAY? But even stranger than that is that sometimes people don't get it! :O... and thus a sad attempt at making a funny becomes an excercise in awkwardness. This is the hardest for people to deal with, it seems, because it turns out most of my humor comes directly from bitching and derision. So uh, you know, get a sense of humor. Yes, big cop-out method here, but you know it can't hurt too much.
...I kinda forget where I was going with this. Oh yeah, I'm sorry that I'm a dick. Well, actually, I'm only sorry up to the point where I refuse to stop being a dick. So uh...I'm sorry that you can't handle that I am a dick, for which I am also sorry for...I think?
Still wanna be friends plz? :D
You're smiling, outgoing, and innocent of all the depravities of the world. I. Must. Mock. You. Or myself, in front of you, or the dude out in the street, anyone, anything; your ears cannot escape my corruption. Being a dick can be great fun most of the time. But the smile drops and you freeze up slightly, not quite knowing what to say. Perhaps you slowly mouth out, "I see," or the ever useful, "Oh," or even the confounding, "That's cool." Cry your woes, peon, you have joined my legions of The Slightly Uncomfortable.
I can go through conversations without ever being so negative, of course, but don't expect it to be me. I'll create small talk and smile and chuckle the whole fucking time, but it wouldn't be me that you'd be talking to.
I know where it seems like I'm going with this. It's true, I can alienate nice people, and I do not enjoy putting on a facade. I can't be a 21 year-old Holden Caulfield though; I'm too much of a phony who's protective of all but his little sister's innocence. Also, I'm Chinese, you colorblind fuck. But in all honesty, I'm getting tired of it. Of course I want good, interesting people to accept me. I really don't mean harm. I put up a front, because in case you're dense as lead I'll let you know that I fear rejection. There, I admit it, I am so fucking terrified of it. Nearly all my social problems lead to this fear, and eventually I'll just develop another fear of living the rest of my life alone and despondent. But I also know I'm still young. Despite all my pessimism, I'm still (stupidly) an optimist.
Maybe I should be more sociable, and start a hobby outside of video games and ranting. I should join some other clubs besides AgASA, ones where I can meet some new friends who may even share much in common with me. I can then stop being so negative. I can listen to happy non-metal music. I can become apathetic and/or conservative. I can smile for no real reason. I can FUCKING FUCK THAT SHIT HERE ARE SOME WAYS YOU CAN BETTER HANDLE MY COLORFUL PERSONALITY:
1. Fucking challenge me if I say something mean! If I'm going to see your smile drop, or go through yet another uncomfortable pause, at least follow it up with, like, "Now that's a terrible attitude!" You know, show me the light, no matter how much it burns.
2. Pleeeeeease try not to ask me, "What's up?" In an effort to bring some meaning back into the English language, I will actually try to answer this question, and sometimes you don't want that! "Hey Sam, what's up? "Uhhhhhh I'm walking over there now. After getting up from my seat. It was getting sticky. Also, I'm hungry" "Oh. *pause here, maybe* I see. *Or here* That's cool. *pause or complete silence"" You get the idea, I may freeze up and answer with my most immediate action, and with my cheery lexicon my reply will either be depressingly mundane and/or annoyingly negative. If you actually do want to know what exactly is up, then ask something more specific and pray to good chance that I don't bitch about something for that reply.
3. Think about it. You don't have to say benign or positive things to be happy. Of course, if to derive pleasure from life you deride it incessantly, then I would probably not like you. Few people would! And of course I don't expect people to say, "I've been having a pretty good day. Gee, there sure are a lot of dead people in the Middle East. But I'm doing pretty good right now! :D" This is actually kinda hard to explain, but I'll try here:
If you are/want to be an sociable, open-minded person, then I suggest learning how to make the best out of any negative thing said. Nothing on the level of "Be glad it's them and not us" Bono rhetoric...it'll just have to be up to you to have the 1337 linguistic h4x0rz to show me that whatever thing/person I'm hounding on is not so bad after all. Whether or not it changes my mind is irrelevant; I'll play off of that and either say I agree with you, or I will have had enough reaction time whilst you speak that I can tactfully move on to something else. Okay, so I said I don't like putting on a facade, but I'll admit it, a good amount of the time I follow the polite fiction (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polite_fiction ... I would've simply hyperlinked that, but LJ is being stubborn). It's when I can't help but break out of it that this method can bring our phoniness back on track. In other words, this particular guideline is a sort of last resort in making things not awkward for not only you, but more importantly ME!
4. In some bizarre twist of logic that I go through when I'm bitching about something, I exaggerate my complaint or mockery to actually make other people laugh! I know, hyperbole for comic effect, isn't it KARAZAY? But even stranger than that is that sometimes people don't get it! :O... and thus a sad attempt at making a funny becomes an excercise in awkwardness. This is the hardest for people to deal with, it seems, because it turns out most of my humor comes directly from bitching and derision. So uh, you know, get a sense of humor. Yes, big cop-out method here, but you know it can't hurt too much.
...I kinda forget where I was going with this. Oh yeah, I'm sorry that I'm a dick. Well, actually, I'm only sorry up to the point where I refuse to stop being a dick. So uh...I'm sorry that you can't handle that I am a dick, for which I am also sorry for...I think?
Still wanna be friends plz? :D