saturday morning
I took a shower. I smell like dove soap and sweat.
I was bent on checking my email because I commented on a post to fearfuloptimist and I was so worried that I did something wrong. My mind goes into these wheels after I let my words be as naked as I feel. I start overthinking my words and I start to imagine how they could be twisted into some other stuff, some bullshit. This is how the mind works at times. Convincing itself of conflict when there was actually just a bunch of love.
Sometimes when I feel strongly about something, someone, and then I say something about it I get nervous afterwards. Not right after. Right after I feel great, like I can breathe better, but then my mind sets in and I start to feel like I messed up. I was relieved to get an email and it felt great that none of that shit happened. She heard what I was saying. My words came out right and they met her there.
A toast with a mason jar full of something cold:
To the moments between fear and need. May they be long and may they weather the shitstorms of my mind.
I was bent on checking my email because I commented on a post to fearfuloptimist and I was so worried that I did something wrong. My mind goes into these wheels after I let my words be as naked as I feel. I start overthinking my words and I start to imagine how they could be twisted into some other stuff, some bullshit. This is how the mind works at times. Convincing itself of conflict when there was actually just a bunch of love.
Sometimes when I feel strongly about something, someone, and then I say something about it I get nervous afterwards. Not right after. Right after I feel great, like I can breathe better, but then my mind sets in and I start to feel like I messed up. I was relieved to get an email and it felt great that none of that shit happened. She heard what I was saying. My words came out right and they met her there.
A toast with a mason jar full of something cold:
To the moments between fear and need. May they be long and may they weather the shitstorms of my mind.