Wild, baseless, random S4 Office speculation
So, I have this dear, deeply held theory about the end of Season Three - in which Ryan doesn't get the Corporate job, Karen does; and Ryan's phone call is with Karen, not David. A friend has been trying to disabuse me of this theory, most recently with a quote from a certain producer/co-star on his Myspace page. I'm still not completely sold (said producer/co-star is a sneaky one, I'm sure) but I'm wavering...
To pep myself up (and run with a late-night spurt of madness) I present to you Completely Crazy Office Season 4 Speculations - Spoiler-Free. (For entertainment purposes only. No moles, inside scoops, research, or actual prediction skills included.)
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Roy, unable to find another job, starts selling steroids to middle-school football players. Caught and tried, Jim is brought in as a character witness, and when Roy gets off on a technicality Jim must abruptly leave Dunder Mifflin and enter Witness Protection. He becomes a biology teacher and part-time Pee Wee Hockey coach.
After a disastrous first/second (whatever you want to call it) date with Jim, Pam blows up at Michael within the week and tells David Jan had gotten her into the graphic design program, but lost the paperwork. She moves to New York, and in six months has met the soon-to-be author of the next "Harry Potter"-type series book craze. She illustrates the books, and will eventually buy her own terrace house - in Paris. She and Jim cross paths three years after Dunder Mifflin folds, have a wild weekend fling, and agree to meet once a year (a la Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy).
Dwight and Angela elope to Niagara Falls, where Dwight demonstrates his manhood by going over the falls in a beet crate. He survives - his manhood does not. Angela develops a prize-winning recipe for Beet Pie, taking first place at the county fair in what will become the longest running winning streak in five states. She also discovers that cats will not eat beets, and begins collecting goats instead.
As Dunder Mifflin implodes, Michael gets the ax just months after losing out on Jan's old job - he and Jan move to Jamaica, where he sells Sandals timeshares to tourists. Jan sells - and models - grass skirts and coconut bikinis.
After an impromptu Girls' Night Out during which both get completely smashed, Karen and Kelly begin dating. They invite Ryan over for a threesome and handcuff him to the bed - and leave him there when they realize he really, really likes it. Eventually he manages to free himself, and in the wake of Dunder Mifflin's plummeting shares finds a new job as a motivational speaker with a business-oriented training company.
Phyllis and Stanley rock-paper-scissors for control of the office, and Phyllis wins - Stanley goes back to his crosswords, which are "accidentally" revealed to be coded messages to his superiors back in Russia. (Turns out Stanley doesn't much like refrigerators, Vance style.) Phyllis uses the reward money to buy the building, and she and Bob Vance open a marriage counseling clinic/beauty college with an emphasis on frozen foods.
Kevin's band gains some popularity with local clubs and bars, but breaks up when he suggests they branch out from covering only the Police and incorporate some Barry Manilow. He continues as a one-man-drummer band, but eventually hires Hunter to play guitar, then encourages Stacey to get a boob job and be the new lead singer. (Kevin figures the quality of the enhancement means he doesn't need to much worry about the quality of her voice.)
Creed is elected President of the United States. He appoints Meredith as his Press Secretary.
Oscar and Gil get back together, and move to Europe. They refuse to buy a TV.
What have YOU got?