sexuality
So in my position as a paid mall rat on Sunday night, my manager got me into a conversation about sexuality. Specifically, about the possible sexual orientation of one of my co-workers. My manager has concluded, for a variety of dubious reasons, that the girl in question is a lesbian -- or at the very least, bisexual.
So what?
"Well, would you be comfortable working with her if you knew that she . . . you know. Liked girls -- that way?"
I repeat, so what? Does her orientation change her effectiveness as a worker? It does not. Does it change her personality? I haven't noticed anything of the sort. Does it make her a bad person? Certainly not.
"Yeah, but . . . people aren't going to want to get changed around her."
That's why we have private fitting rooms with closed doors, you jackass.
"But customers aren't going to want a . . . you *know*. One of *them*. Waiting on them."
How the hell are the customers going to know? Does the girl have a fucking SIGN hanging over her? And are you *seriously* implying that you're thinking about getting rid of her because she may or may not be gay?
"What are you getting so angry about? Don't tell me . . . you're one of those people, too?"
I'm going to commit murder. Really. One of these days, I'm going to snap, and find myself with my hands wrapped around some idiot's throat, squeezing the life and stupidity right out of them.
Morons. Prejudiced, ignorant, homophobic fuckin' chowderheads.
I've never had to question my sexuality. I've always known that I was sexually attracted to boys, not girls. It was never an issue for me.
I consider myself very lucky.
It's a hard thing to go through, from what I've seen as I've watched various friends coming out. It's even harder if you decide that you really do find yourself attracted to both sexes. From what I've seen, if you're bisexual, *everybody* hates you.
Ridiculous.
What's the big deal? As long as everything is consensual on the parts of both or all parties, who cares what anyone does, and with whom?
I'm pretty well up in arms about this whole thing. I've also kind of been wondering, who else has been getting this "so-and-so-is-a-lesbian" spiel from the store manager?
So I worked last night, and the girl who was actually under discussion asked me, "Did Tara say anything to you about me?"
I kind of shrugged. I've been trying to avoid repeating gossip. It gets me into too much trouble.
"She said I was gay, right?"
Oh, boy. *So* not a conversation I was wanting to have. "So what if you are?" I finally said. "It doesn't matter to me."
She gave me this funny look, like she didn't believe me. "Well, what if I told you that it was true?"
"I still wouldn't care."
"What if I said that I was gay and wanted to go out with you?"
"It wouldn't affect work, and thanks but no thanks."
"Really?"
"Really."
"You really *don't* care?"
"No. Although I'm starting to get irritated that you don't believe me."
"Well, it was just . . . the way Tara reacted . . . ."
"Yeah, well, remember how Tara reacted when I said that I was interested in a black guy."
"Oh. So wait. She doesn't like mixed relationships, and now she doesn't like gay black women, either."
"Evidently not."
"I don't know if I want to work for her anymore."
Mmm. I've been thinking about that, too.
The hard thing to decide is this . . . when, exactly, do one's principles become more important than other considerations?
I like Tara, the store manager. At least, I *thought* I did. It's become increasingly obvious over the course of the last ten months that she does seem to have some racial issues, but I've never been too certain of how to handle an extremely sensitive issue like that, since I'm white and she's black. (Reverse predjudice is always an interesting place to be.) I chose to ignore anything I didn't like hearing and kept my trap shut.
Now, it appears she's also homophobic.
That's two strikes.
So what do I do? I need the money. I'm used to the place, and I get an awesome discount on cool clothes. The other managers are totally cool, and the coolest one would probably become store manager, should Tara choose to leave (she's been making noises about that for a month, now).
Tara doesn't seem to have a problem with the flamboyantly and openly gay district manager, or the store manager from another store who brings his partner to social gatherings at her home. But she seems to have a HUGE problem with a possible lesbian working in her store.
I don't get it.
And I don't know what to do. *Am* I compromising my principles? Would my principles be better satisfied by a frank discussion with her on the subject? Is there a middle ground to find, or is this totally a question of right-versus-wrong?
And is there any point to this at all, since nobody ever seems to post a frigging answer to my cries for input?
So what?
"Well, would you be comfortable working with her if you knew that she . . . you know. Liked girls -- that way?"
I repeat, so what? Does her orientation change her effectiveness as a worker? It does not. Does it change her personality? I haven't noticed anything of the sort. Does it make her a bad person? Certainly not.
"Yeah, but . . . people aren't going to want to get changed around her."
That's why we have private fitting rooms with closed doors, you jackass.
"But customers aren't going to want a . . . you *know*. One of *them*. Waiting on them."
How the hell are the customers going to know? Does the girl have a fucking SIGN hanging over her? And are you *seriously* implying that you're thinking about getting rid of her because she may or may not be gay?
"What are you getting so angry about? Don't tell me . . . you're one of those people, too?"
I'm going to commit murder. Really. One of these days, I'm going to snap, and find myself with my hands wrapped around some idiot's throat, squeezing the life and stupidity right out of them.
Morons. Prejudiced, ignorant, homophobic fuckin' chowderheads.
I've never had to question my sexuality. I've always known that I was sexually attracted to boys, not girls. It was never an issue for me.
I consider myself very lucky.
It's a hard thing to go through, from what I've seen as I've watched various friends coming out. It's even harder if you decide that you really do find yourself attracted to both sexes. From what I've seen, if you're bisexual, *everybody* hates you.
Ridiculous.
What's the big deal? As long as everything is consensual on the parts of both or all parties, who cares what anyone does, and with whom?
I'm pretty well up in arms about this whole thing. I've also kind of been wondering, who else has been getting this "so-and-so-is-a-lesbian" spiel from the store manager?
So I worked last night, and the girl who was actually under discussion asked me, "Did Tara say anything to you about me?"
I kind of shrugged. I've been trying to avoid repeating gossip. It gets me into too much trouble.
"She said I was gay, right?"
Oh, boy. *So* not a conversation I was wanting to have. "So what if you are?" I finally said. "It doesn't matter to me."
She gave me this funny look, like she didn't believe me. "Well, what if I told you that it was true?"
"I still wouldn't care."
"What if I said that I was gay and wanted to go out with you?"
"It wouldn't affect work, and thanks but no thanks."
"Really?"
"Really."
"You really *don't* care?"
"No. Although I'm starting to get irritated that you don't believe me."
"Well, it was just . . . the way Tara reacted . . . ."
"Yeah, well, remember how Tara reacted when I said that I was interested in a black guy."
"Oh. So wait. She doesn't like mixed relationships, and now she doesn't like gay black women, either."
"Evidently not."
"I don't know if I want to work for her anymore."
Mmm. I've been thinking about that, too.
The hard thing to decide is this . . . when, exactly, do one's principles become more important than other considerations?
I like Tara, the store manager. At least, I *thought* I did. It's become increasingly obvious over the course of the last ten months that she does seem to have some racial issues, but I've never been too certain of how to handle an extremely sensitive issue like that, since I'm white and she's black. (Reverse predjudice is always an interesting place to be.) I chose to ignore anything I didn't like hearing and kept my trap shut.
Now, it appears she's also homophobic.
That's two strikes.
So what do I do? I need the money. I'm used to the place, and I get an awesome discount on cool clothes. The other managers are totally cool, and the coolest one would probably become store manager, should Tara choose to leave (she's been making noises about that for a month, now).
Tara doesn't seem to have a problem with the flamboyantly and openly gay district manager, or the store manager from another store who brings his partner to social gatherings at her home. But she seems to have a HUGE problem with a possible lesbian working in her store.
I don't get it.
And I don't know what to do. *Am* I compromising my principles? Would my principles be better satisfied by a frank discussion with her on the subject? Is there a middle ground to find, or is this totally a question of right-versus-wrong?
And is there any point to this at all, since nobody ever seems to post a frigging answer to my cries for input?