I Know The Pieces Fit (4a/?)
Title: I Know The Pieces Fit (4a/?)
Rating (overall): PG-13 thus far
Spoilers: Everything, to be safe.
Warnings: Serendipity
Word Count: 7253 (Split)
Notes: Future!Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Flangst Title taken from the song Schism by Tool. This is a total seesaw chapter.
Summary: Drifting apart is easy; communication is hard. Breaks are tough; mending is sweet.
CH 1 | CH 2A | CH 2B | CH 3 | CH 4A | CH 4B
There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smoldering, strangled by our coveting
I've done the math enough to know the dangers of our second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication
Tonight.
Kurt checked his watch upon exiting the subway and grimaced. It was barely 3:30. Give or take, that gave him about three and a half hours to figure out just what had come over him back in Blaine's office.
Kurt would be lying to himself if he didn't admit that he was jittery about tonight. This wasn't just some guy he could have picked up at the bar or had been set up with on a blind date. This was Blaine he was dealing with.
This wasn't 'just a date,' as much as Kurt wanted to tell himself it was. This was trying again, this was putting his heart on the line, this was feeding an old addiction that had been terribly painful to overcome.
Kurt was terrified.
Blaine had hurt him. Not in an act of cruelty, or through some fight, or act of infidelity - no, he'd hurt him by not being willing to try. It had been Blaine that had proposed that they go back to being just friends when they left each other for college. Kurt had tried to argue it, had tried his damnedest to convince Blaine that they'd be able to make it work - but Blaine had made up his mind.
Rather than continue the argument, rather than push Blaine completely away by having a crazy drag out fight about it, Kurt had given in. It wasn't his proudest moment.
Throughout the first year, Kurt just kept holding on to the hope that Blaine would change his mind and decide that they might be able to work out a long distance relationship, after all.
Then Blaine started dating people. When told of the first new boyfriend, Kurt felt a little piece of his heart chip away.
That relationship didn't last long - probably less than a year, and when the break up happened Kurt got his hopes up again.
It was a very short-lived hope. Blaine barely took a week before he was seeing someone again. Kurt expressed concern - through barely veiled jealousy - that Blaine was moving too quickly between people, but Blaine just laughed it off. He'd said he was enjoying having a bit of a life before his workload got too big, and that he wasn't all that serious about relationships he couldn't possibly maintain forever - that he couldn't possibly maintain for the next foreseeable months, if he was being completely honest.
Kurt had bitched him out for that. If Blaine was pretty much planning on having flings for the next however many years he was in school - and because of a time constraint due to courses and whatnot, well Kurt really couldn't see what was wrong with the long distance relationship thing. It wouldn't be too hard to hop on a train once a month - they could make it work. Blaine still refused. He didn't want to tie Kurt down, and said that Kurt deserved someone better - someone who could be there every day for him.
That was when Kurt had accepted that Blaine wasn't going to change his mind, and that perhaps Kurt should start keeping his eye out for other people. Kurt's contact with Blaine got less and less - Kurt was sick of hearing about the people Blaine was dating. He understood that Blaine felt his education was more important than getting serious about other people, was glad for it in some ways, but hated the idea that Blaine just kind of threw himself around when he had a lull in his coursework.
Because, really, that time could have been better spent with him.
After two years being single, Kurt 'gave up' on Blaine in the potential rekindled romance sense. Blaine could just keep on wasting his time on meaningless relationships between classes; Kurt was done fooling himself.
Kurt had one relationship after making that decision. It lasted six years. His name was Mark. He was easy on the eyes, charming, intelligent, and knew his way around the bedroom. It was a pleasant aspect of his life - they had fun, talked, took care of each other, held each other, all the things that people in a relationship would do.
There was only one problem. Try as he might, and maybe he was trying too hard - Kurt just never really fell in love with Mark. It was like living with a fantastic friend who he'd begin and end his day with, but once he left home, Mark left his mind until he got out of work and was heading back.
Most of the time that Kurt spent away from Mark, Kurt was focused on pushing back all the little things that would remind him that his relationship was a lie, while trying to ignore the thought that maybe he should call Blaine.
Kurt missed him. Blaine hadn't picked up his phone the last few times Kurt had called. Their conversations had gotten so few and far between the last few years, and each time, Blaine had sounded like he was forcing himself to be cheerful.
The second to last time Kurt had a real conversation with Blaine, Blaine was doing a horrible job at acting like he was happy. Kurt wanted to ask him what was wrong, but the knowledge that Blaine was trying so hard to make it seem that everything was fine, stopped him.
Mark had come up in that conversation.
“So, you guys have been together for how long now?” Blaine had asked in what Kurt guessed was supposed to be a light tone, but the question came with a terribly put out undercurrent.
“Six years in June. Crazy, isn't it?” Kurt had kept his voice upbeat. “Definitely a record.”
“Yeah.” Blaine said. “That's like, three times as long as we were together.” He sighed, and the pain in his voice made Kurt hold on to his phone a little tighter. “So.” Blaine began. “So you must really love him, huh?”
Crap. Crap crap crap.
“Well, he's definitely been nice to have around.” Kurt said finally, and before Blaine could say anything about Kurt avoiding the question, Kurt continued. “Blaine, I have to let you go - Mark's going to be home in fifteen minutes and I promised him dinner. Talk to you later, bye!”
Kurt had hung up so quickly, Blaine didn't even have a chance to interject.
Four months later, Blaine called Kurt gushing over thinking he wanted to marry Rick. Kurt had burst into tears the second the dial tone hit his ears. Of course, Mark had wanted to know what was wrong, and why he was so upset.
Kurt probably shouldn't have answered that question so honestly.
Crying inconsolably over Blaine's musings on marriage shouldn't have been done on Mark's shoulder. The conversation ended with Kurt watching Mark's heart break right before his eyes.
Needless to say, that was the end of that. Mark had said he'd suspected that Kurt didn't love him, but had kept trying because he'd loved Kurt. They broke up, and Kurt decided he wasn't going to call Blaine anymore. It was impossible to move on while being reminded of Blaine all the time, and it'd just deeply hurt someone who'd done nothing wrong but love Kurt Hummel.
And Kurt had moved on. Kind of. He'd dated here and there, but never anything serious. A few times he got drunk enough to do more than he would have cared to admit to himself in the morning, but other than that - nothing notable happened in the way of relationships.
He just tried to get his career off the ground, and had his small successes. Though not enough to make a solid living, he had enough under his belt to get his mediocre manager - he figured mediocre was better than not having one take interest at all.
Thinking of his idiot of a manager brought Kurt's mind back to present time, and very nearly got his mind on a subject other than second guessing and over-analyzing whatever was going on between him and Blaine.
Tonight was supposed to be 'just a date', after all.
Kurt hadn't quite lost his resolve to move on, yet. His mind and his heart were playing a bit of tug-o-war in the Blaine department. The heart might want what the heart wants, but it'd have to fight Kurt's memories of his heart's grieving process, first.
Kurt was so confused. When he was around Blaine, he just wanted to stay around him. As soon as he got away though, the white noise in his brain lifted and he was reminded that the last 14 years happened, they happened without Blaine, and they'd hurt because it was Blaine who had chosen not to be there. Kurt may have stopped calling eight years in, but Blaine hadn't picked up the phone either.
If Blaine would have called, they probably would have saved each other a lot of confusion. If only Kurt had known that Blaine was just getting ahead of himself with Rick - that he hadn't actually gone and married the guy.
Kurt would have likely given in on his decision not to call Blaine if he'd not been terrified of hearing a Mr. Rick whatever-hyphen-Anderson answering the phone.
He just couldn't deal with the idea of Blaine getting married to someone else.
And it was a selfish thing to feel. Kurt knew it. Kurt knew that he should just want Blaine to be happy no matter what, and all that crap about loving someone and letting them go - but, well, he just couldn't.
The only name that belonged hyphenated with Anderson was Hummel.
And Oh.
He'd just really went there, hadn't he.
He really needed to get his mind off of this subject, and he needed to do it now.
Kurt sighed and pulled his phone out of his pocket - three missed calls, two messages.
The first missed call was Blaine's from back in the office. Kurt saved the number to his contacts and forced himself to move on.
He was still waiting for whatever response he was going to get from his last audition, though his hopes were low. He really wanted that part, too. It was a new adaptation of Peter Pan, and he'd nailed it up til the point where 'kickboxing Wendy-wannabe' broke his wrist. Though that had been at the end of the audition, so it was still possible, he supposed. Barring heavy choreography, maybe he could pull it off if he was called back. His wrist wasn't going to be broken forever after all - he should probably talk to his doc-
Wait, no, not thinking about Blaine right now.
Moving on. The other two missed calls, and Kurt assumed the messages as well, were from the one and only
Rachel Berry.
Like it or not, Kurt had become accustomed to seeing that name on his cell phone now and again - Rachel had been here as long as Kurt had. They didn't cross paths everyday, but they kept in touch - especially when one of them had landed a role. Kurt figured that was probably the case this time, and hit his voice mail button.
“Kurt! Kurt! Why aren't you answering your phone? I heard you got hurt auditioning for Peter - ran into your manager at the grocery store. Are you okay? Oh, I have another call, I'll try again in a bit.”
Kurt sighed. He really needed to fire his manager. Such a big mouth.
Message deleted, next message
“Kurt! I got Wendy! I'm so, so excited! Oh, and also, I talked to the casting director, and apparently they're still on the fence with who they're casting for Peter, and he mentioned you, Kurt! He did! Oh wouldn't that be amazing! I mean it's you or that big guy, and I mentioned that Peter Pan is just not that muscular, he's much more of a spry fluttery person, and he agreed with me! So keep your phone on! And oh, I hope you're okay. Call me!”
Kurt took his phone from his ear and stared at it. Then he shook his head, hit end, and fished out Rachel's number in the missed calls log.
“Kurt! I'm so glad you called! So, you need to tell me what happened at that audition, because the things I've been hearing - I've been calling around, I've been so worried, and I think that just made everyone else worried, and you should probably post a status update on Facebook or something because I think Mercedes is about to have a conniption fit and Finn's going crazy - probably because I called him after all these years and it was about you and getting hurt but Finn can just shove it because he married that Allyson girl and I married Broadway, and what was I saying?”
“I have absolutely no idea.” Kurt smiled. “Though I think at one point it involved concern for my health.”
“Yes! What happened?”
“I got kicked in the wrist. It's broken.”
“That's horrible! And Kurt, I'm so sure you're going to get this role, too. Do you have a cast? Oh of course you do, that's what they do for broken bones. How long is it going to be on?”
“Six weeks total, though I could get a color change after three. And there's probably some recovery time when it comes off too - I have to talk to Bl- my doctor about it.”
“Well they're still auditioning all the minor roles, plus production time and rehearsals, so it's going to be a while until the show actually goes on. You might just make it for getting the cast off, but yes, you definitely need to be cleared by a doctor first, you wouldn't want to re-break it or anything horrible like that. I know this great orthopedic surgeon with a sliding scale payment policy if-”
“I'm fine with my doctor, Rachel, and I highly doubt yours has better rates than mine.”
“Are you sure? Because getting someone else to look at it is a good idea and-”
“Rachel, unless they're paying me to wear their cast, this guy has them beat.”
“Kurt! You can't just go to street corner clinics like that! Some of them haven't even been to college, and -”
“Are you serious? Never mind, of course you are. Rachel, I'm going to a legitimate doctor, alright? Your concern, while appreciated, is completely unnecessary - and borderline neurotic.”
“I want names! No one does that kind of treatment for free unless you're on medicaid - Kurt, are you on medicaid? You didn't get get someone pregnant did you? Oh, wait, no, that wouldn't happen, would it? Kurt, what is going -”
Kurt sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head.
“Ugh. Fine. It's Blaine. He's my doctor. The cat's out of the bag. Do not go spreading this around, I'll update everyone tonight.”
The line was silent for a few moments, and Kurt instinctively held his phone a good foot away from his ear.
Rachel let out an ear piercing squeal.
“Oh my God! Kurt! Blaine, Blaine? Like, Blaine Warbler, Blaine? Oh this is amazing! I haven't seen him in years! And you! Oh.” she paused; her tone changed. “Oh, wait, Kurt. Oh, are you okay?”
“I've had less confusing days and weekends, but I'm managing. I have to let you go though Rachel, I have plans for tonight, and I have to call my manager - see if he's heard anything.”
“Oh. Well, alright then. Text me if you hear anything, and please Kurt, be careful with your heart. He may be adorable and a great kisser, but -”
“Bye Rachel.”
Kurt found a message on his answering machine once he got home.
“Kurt, it's Bruce. You got Peter. They're willing to work with your injury, but you need to discuss with your doctor what you can handle - have him write something up for you, they need a release for legal reasons before they can green-light you. Ha! Bet you're glad you didn't fire me, huh? Call me!”
Kurt stared at the machine for a moment, then replayed the message a few times to make sure he'd heard correctly. Then he went to the bathroom, splashed cold water on his face, and went back to replay it again.
He was almost surprised at the pitch of his squeal.
He would make this work. He had to make this work. It was finally happening. Finally.
He had to tell Blaine. Now? No, he was going to see him in an hour or so, he could wait. It'd make for good dinner conversation.
Dinner! He needed to get ready, and what was he going to wear? And wow had that phone call fried his brain - the adrenaline must have short circuited something somewhere.
His hands shaking, he tapped out a text message suggesting they go for something casual and low key.
Kurt was keyed up enough already.
The response came five minutes later -
Casual's great, I don't think I can get a reservation on this short notice, anyway. Where should I pick you up?
Kurt frowned a bit as he looked at the screen. That was a good question - did he really want to give his address this early on in whatever he and Blaine were doing? Then again, this was Blaine, not some complete stranger he'd met through a dating agency - not that Kurt had ever tried one of those. Well, maybe once.
Kurt decided he really had to stop over-thinking things, and sent Blaine his address, telling him to ring when he got there.
Awesome, finished up a bit ahead of schedule, just need to head home and make myself presentable. Be there at 7:30ish.
Glancing at his clock, Kurt's eyes went wide. Forty-five minutes was not enough time! Especially since he needed to shower and oh no. The cast.
Five minutes were spent finding a suitable bag to cover the damn thing. Ten were spent obsessing over making sure it was as waterproof as possible. Twenty minutes were spent having the most half-assed shower Kurt had ever taken - he was clean, but he'd been forced to skip the creams and moisturizers and had left out the repeat in rinse and repeat - all because of the godforsaken hunk of plaster on his stupid, stupid arm.
Kurt had just stepped out of the shower and thrown a towel around himself when the doorbell rang.
Blaine was early.
Shit.
Running over to his buzzer and pushing the button, he tried to keep his voice calm.
“Blaine?”
“Yeah, it's -”
“I had some technical difficulties, I'm going to buzz you in. It's 12B, up two flights. I'll leave the door unlocked.”
“Are you sure? I could wait outside.”
“It's fine, so long as you don't break anything. I'm going to be a little while.” Kurt paused. “Don't jump on my furniture.”
“Funny.”
Kurt pressed the door button and after hearing it click open and shut on the intercom, he ran to his bedroom and tore open his closet.
Blaine took a breath to steady himself before opening the door to 12B, and was immediately glad he had - the dwelling screamed Kurt, from the careful placement of everything to the coordinated coloring to the - oh god, the pictures on the wall.
They were all framed in various shapes and sizes, artistically placed in a waving pattern along the far wall, cut off by a bookshelf at one end and an entertainment center at the other. If the placement had thrown him for a loop, the contents of the frames pretty much blew him out of the room.
Various pictures of high school Kurt and the members of New Directions were down the first flowing column, but it was the second column that caught his eye first.
At the top was a candid of Kurt with Nick and Jeff hiding Wes' gavel in a hanging plant. Below was one with David elbowing Wes in the side while Kurt was helping Trent with a side-step. Right at eye level was a picture of Kurt and himself with their arms around each other, laughing at something Blaine wasn't sure he remembered.
There were just so many.
The next section was more of McKinley - Blaine noticed their prom picture right away - but in the fourth column, almost dead center, Blaine saw one that made his breath catch in his throat.
It was Kurt, sitting with his back against a tree with Blaine on his lap. Blaine's head was against Kurt's chest, his eyes closed and smiling serenely as Kurt toyed with his hair and looked at him with a level of affection that made Blaine just want to break down and cry. In front of them was a red and white checked picnic blanket, an open basket, and the crumbs from their lunch laying on empty plates.
Blaine just stared at it with his mouth hung open until he was startled by Kurt sliding up next to him.
“I love that picture.” Kurt said, and for a minute, Blaine could only dumbly nod.
“Kurt, who even - who took that?” Kurt smiled.
“Tina, actually. She had been in the park taking pictures for her senior year art class and caught us in the moment. She'd actually lost the roll of film, but found it during a college break, developed it, and called me up gushing over it until I gave her my address so she could send it to me.”
“It's amazing.” Blaine exhaled, then turned to look at Kurt.
And just how did he do that breathing thing again? Because Blaine was having trouble remembering.
Kurt could definitely still work a pair of black skinny jeans. He also didn't seem to have any problems with accentuating every feature of his entire physical being - the black fitted short sleeve shirt clung in all the right places and its splashes of blue and green detail made his eyes pop stunningly.
Kurt just chuckled, then brought his fingertip to the bottom of Blaine's jaw and closed his mouth for him.
“You don't look too bad yourself, Blaine.”
Blaine hardly thought his fitted jeans, black tee and leather jacket could be classified anywhere near Kurt's level at the moment, but he smiled anyway.
“So,” Blaine cleared his throat. “Should we head out, or -”
“Oh, one minute, sorry - I have to do something on the computer real quick. Five minutes quick. Rachel made a mess and everyone's freaking out-” Kurt sat down at his desk, turned on the monitor, and navigated to Facebook. “Oh my god, I'm going to kill her.”
Blaine blinked. “What, why?”
“My wall's full of people freaking out. Look.” Blaine did, and did a double take at what he saw. It was full of questions about Kurt's well being, many mentions of 'heard you had an accident' and a few threatening bodily harm to who ever had 'beaten him up.'
Kurt sighed. “Hey, Blaine, do me a favor and smile at the camera for me.” Blaine laughed.
“Why?”
“Because a picture is worth a thousand words.”
Blaine shrugged, put his head on Kurt's shoulder, and smiled. Kurt took the picture, smirking with mischief, then typed out the caption: 'Broke my wrist. I'm fine. Ran into this guy and got a little distracted.'
“Oh, I distract you, do I?” Blaine said, grinning coyly. Kurt shook his head.
“No, never. I just write stuff like that on Facebook because I like going through fifty notifications an hour. Seriously though, we should go before that happens - I'd kind of rather have dinner with you than sit in front of the explosion that's about to go down in my group of friends and family.”
Blaine grinned. “Can't argue with that.”
NEXT