HP: (FIC) The First Time (PG-13) RL/HP Past RL/SB RL/SS
Title: The First Time
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: RL/HP Past RL/SB, RL/SS.
Summary: Remus is scared of his new relationship.
He doesn't want to voice how much this breaks him. Chips away at his defenses. For if he does, he fears that it will all disappear. Just like before.
Sirius came to him at night, safe behind the concealment of the curtains. It is never about love or even desire, but release. Sirius never touches him more than necessary, or kisses him at all. He decides to bury any pain or want for more by convincing himself that it is a phase for him too. However, he was never given to self-delusion and it ends the first time he refuses to say Nox
It hurt. It still hurts. Nobody wants to be anyone's dirty little secret. He decided soon after that he didn't really need those touches. He never really liked to be touched anyway. He vows to distance himself when school ends because he cannot deny that looking in those cold gray eyes is more painful than any transformation.
Severus was far more insidious than Sirius ever was. And far more complicated. He comes with whispered words and wolfsbane. Standing too close with those deliberate touches and lustful stares. Promises made to himself to withstand crumble under the all too human desire for touch. He felt so alone and Severus knew it. Severus never bothered with anything more than the perfunctory lubrication. He was appreciative of the fact that Severus never made any pretense about what their relationship was. It was the after that tore him inside. Severus never failed to sneer as he straightened his robes. Always reminding him how grateful he was to get something in return for all his hard work. He usually drank until he could forget that he was just called, and was used like, a whore.
That is why he is so frightened right now. Harry comes to him with the lights on. Harry kisses him and holds him and tells him how much he is loved. Harry never makes him feel used and he is not afraid to hold him close when the moon is no longer overhead. He is quite certain that he has never been more fragile or scared. His breath hitches every time Harry says, 'I love you' because no one has ever told him that before. He sits back and smiles, because Harry is always happy when he does, but he is terrified inside. He knows that he is in love, because it is far more powerful than the emotions he ever had for Sirius, and that scares him too. Yet, he is also excited. He relaxes in Harry's warm embrace and knows, when they are ready, he will finally be able to make love for the first time.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: RL/HP Past RL/SB, RL/SS.
Summary: Remus is scared of his new relationship.
He doesn't want to voice how much this breaks him. Chips away at his defenses. For if he does, he fears that it will all disappear. Just like before.
Sirius came to him at night, safe behind the concealment of the curtains. It is never about love or even desire, but release. Sirius never touches him more than necessary, or kisses him at all. He decides to bury any pain or want for more by convincing himself that it is a phase for him too. However, he was never given to self-delusion and it ends the first time he refuses to say Nox
It hurt. It still hurts. Nobody wants to be anyone's dirty little secret. He decided soon after that he didn't really need those touches. He never really liked to be touched anyway. He vows to distance himself when school ends because he cannot deny that looking in those cold gray eyes is more painful than any transformation.
Severus was far more insidious than Sirius ever was. And far more complicated. He comes with whispered words and wolfsbane. Standing too close with those deliberate touches and lustful stares. Promises made to himself to withstand crumble under the all too human desire for touch. He felt so alone and Severus knew it. Severus never bothered with anything more than the perfunctory lubrication. He was appreciative of the fact that Severus never made any pretense about what their relationship was. It was the after that tore him inside. Severus never failed to sneer as he straightened his robes. Always reminding him how grateful he was to get something in return for all his hard work. He usually drank until he could forget that he was just called, and was used like, a whore.
That is why he is so frightened right now. Harry comes to him with the lights on. Harry kisses him and holds him and tells him how much he is loved. Harry never makes him feel used and he is not afraid to hold him close when the moon is no longer overhead. He is quite certain that he has never been more fragile or scared. His breath hitches every time Harry says, 'I love you' because no one has ever told him that before. He sits back and smiles, because Harry is always happy when he does, but he is terrified inside. He knows that he is in love, because it is far more powerful than the emotions he ever had for Sirius, and that scares him too. Yet, he is also excited. He relaxes in Harry's warm embrace and knows, when they are ready, he will finally be able to make love for the first time.