fucking ghey
and sooo another day has passed, one jus like the other, no different. in fact. the same exact. if we were to replay the days and stop at certain moments. it would be a replica of the next and the before days. Friday I worked, and then i got hiiigh, Saturday...got high, BUT went to a hookah bar with tony(BTW TONY, they dont run a very respectable joint there. you gotta friggin put coals on the hookah anddd you gotta get the hookah started? mayne W. T.F mate. imm no expert on this whole hookah thing, but ive been to several, and uhhm, when you inhale the smoke and exhale. you get a lot of smoke. white smoke. and ytou can taste the flavors, melon and apple arent supposedd to taste tyhe same. but i hadd a relatively fun time,. considering i didnt know anyone there, or the fact that I kept wanting to bring up stereotypes that probably would have gotten me killed. hahah. and nobody knew how to use their force poweers. meh..
ohh, and then i went to sleep at 4 sunday morning. sunday I awoke at 2.30(knowing me, thats about a 3hour change) and uhhm, smoked up. went to the guy-m(SAY IT LIKE HOMER SAID IT) and uhh, pretty much stayed in the haze all day. except for when JO JO(joanna. my ex-geeeee <3)picked me up and we ate soup somewhere and i took a lot of crackers. heh. they are all in my car right now, and i plan on waking up at 4am one of these days to feed the ducks with them.
Today, i woke up with the most interesting feeling. it was that of not caring. at all.
Heres what i neeeed, badly. A HUG. yes, a fucking hug. a great big hug to show me that someone gives a shyt about me. i neeeed a girlfriend, i neeed more friends, i neeeed a purpose for getting up in the morning. other than to smoke.weed. i wish i were more social. or socially adept. i cant talk to people if i dont know them. not unless i get a vibe, and when i doo, they end up thinkin im weird, which is the best feeling in the world. i constantly feel judged by strangers. even though they may not be..its quite hard for my brian to switch from thinkin everyone is a potential nme. uhhm, i think one of my burn marks got infected, cuz its started to change colors and that damn white liquid is coming out. but its still fine, i see it as part of the process. its happened many times to my hand and it always heals later. i need someone to care for, so that i can make someone happy. at least one person. i feel like such an affection whore. thats the only time i feel happy. when someone shows mee some. it doesnt even have to be a real thing. its all the same to me.
I wish someone would tell me they loved me. not in a I love you cuz yer soo cool kind of way, but in a "i respect you and care for you cuz yer a great person to be with"
so perphapsssss. perphaps what i really need is a girlfriend. probably. but uhhm, i mess those things up quite quick. considering i dont have any more pills to control my mooods. it' would most likely be too depressing around me and then they'd be like ,bitch, imma dump you foo. and yes, btw. everyone in my head is ghetto and talks straight up from the hood. hoooodieee hooooooo. mayne. seriously. i want one of those forms that says be my girlfriend, cept none of those damn questions are important to me. i jus want somone sincere, and carrring ,and loving, and cuddleable(?).
ohh and..uhhm
i dun feel like typing anymore. but if i do today, ill jus adddd on to this thingy. and stuff.
ohh, and then i went to sleep at 4 sunday morning. sunday I awoke at 2.30(knowing me, thats about a 3hour change) and uhhm, smoked up. went to the guy-m(SAY IT LIKE HOMER SAID IT) and uhh, pretty much stayed in the haze all day. except for when JO JO(joanna. my ex-geeeee <3)picked me up and we ate soup somewhere and i took a lot of crackers. heh. they are all in my car right now, and i plan on waking up at 4am one of these days to feed the ducks with them.
Today, i woke up with the most interesting feeling. it was that of not caring. at all.
Heres what i neeeed, badly. A HUG. yes, a fucking hug. a great big hug to show me that someone gives a shyt about me. i neeeed a girlfriend, i neeed more friends, i neeeed a purpose for getting up in the morning. other than to smoke.weed. i wish i were more social. or socially adept. i cant talk to people if i dont know them. not unless i get a vibe, and when i doo, they end up thinkin im weird, which is the best feeling in the world. i constantly feel judged by strangers. even though they may not be..its quite hard for my brian to switch from thinkin everyone is a potential nme. uhhm, i think one of my burn marks got infected, cuz its started to change colors and that damn white liquid is coming out. but its still fine, i see it as part of the process. its happened many times to my hand and it always heals later. i need someone to care for, so that i can make someone happy. at least one person. i feel like such an affection whore. thats the only time i feel happy. when someone shows mee some. it doesnt even have to be a real thing. its all the same to me.
I wish someone would tell me they loved me. not in a I love you cuz yer soo cool kind of way, but in a "i respect you and care for you cuz yer a great person to be with"
so perphapsssss. perphaps what i really need is a girlfriend. probably. but uhhm, i mess those things up quite quick. considering i dont have any more pills to control my mooods. it' would most likely be too depressing around me and then they'd be like ,bitch, imma dump you foo. and yes, btw. everyone in my head is ghetto and talks straight up from the hood. hoooodieee hooooooo. mayne. seriously. i want one of those forms that says be my girlfriend, cept none of those damn questions are important to me. i jus want somone sincere, and carrring ,and loving, and cuddleable(?).
ohh and..uhhm
i dun feel like typing anymore. but if i do today, ill jus adddd on to this thingy. and stuff.