7.
the end of the semester is approaching rather quickly, now. we have around 4 weeks left. i was thinking last night if four weeks is enough time to fix my relationships here. maybe with alex and billy, they're pretty forgiving. i'm not so sure about allison. i love her to death and i still have feelings for her. i've been thinking that those feelings i have will get in the way of fixing our relationship. i know that i hurt her. and i don't think that the thing that really hurt her was my running mouth, i think that it was more of the idea that she knew i wouldn't stop running my mouth and that i didn't care about hurting people. i've had many talks wiht mom and dad about hurting everyone i meet. when i talked with allison last monday (2004/3/31) this was one of the many things that we discussed. and talking with tristan last night was the talk that finally made me realize what i've been doing. i only hurt the people who i open up to; the people i really care about. tristsan has a new girlfriend, autumn, and she's been over our room nearly every day (and night) since they started dating, early this semester. i was getting fed up wiht it. i'd come into the dorm and the room would be locked, with autumns' shoes outside the door. i'd go into the room to unpack from classes or to get ready to go out and i'd walk in on them making out, or getting on eachother, or whatever... i was getting fairl tired of it. sunday night, i'm down in the computer lab and it's late; around 1:30am-2am genny comes online and says "there's a sock on your door." well, the agreement at the beginning of the year was that we'd put something on the dooror door handle. ok, so then i assume of course that those two are having sex... which i don't mind; everyone needs a little play, right? so i wait a while, and then a group of us goes to rosies... we get back and i'm tired as all hell it's like 3:45am, and i need to go to bed, so i go into my room, say "hello" and strip then climb into bed... ok, so, it wouldn't be so bad if i could fall asleep and not hear them talking.... they talked all night.... they were also doing *something else* i don't know what... but when you hear a sound like the stirring of a mayonaise jar, you pretty much assume that there is sex. and there was a lot of the heard sexing last night. ughhh, you know, they could have asked me to leave, they could have gone back to autmun's room... they could have just stopped??? why didn't they? no one knows for sure.... no one knows anything about tristan or autumn, they're so elusive.... they really only talk to eachother. ok, so last night i'm talking with tristan about autumn, and her always being over, and the *noises* that i heard, and that i can't sleep because she's always in our room.... and i guess what i said really hurt tristan, especially me supposedly telling evryone in the dorm that they were fucking; fucking a lot. i don't understand him... he blames all this shit that he does to ruin his reputation on his friends, maybe that's why no one likes him?