(no subject)
Nice responses to my last entry, guys, thanks. But I wasn't advocating the serious loss of all emotion, as that would indeed be impossible, even from a biological standpoint, I think. However, you can still keep it as an ideal and lead a stoic lifestyle? That's the nearest direction I can see myself headed: just supress all emotion, deny the urge to change, and simply ride the wave to wherever I end up.
But becoming boring? Do I have to? I doubt it. It's easy to mask one's emotions, so I could just do that. As a matter of fact, the worst time in my life was living in Canada, as I'm sure you all heard. I was a miserable kid with practically no friends and no hope. I was fat, and I wasn't losing any weight, and I was sufferring mentally. Hell, look at all the pathetic emotional baggage I have right now, right? But still, mom refuses to believe that I was even depressed back then. She actually believes that sinc eI lost weight, I've been acting cold and distant towards her, and she actually one day bought out some photos from an indeterminable number of years ago and exclaimed that she wanted her "fat Rohit" back. Of course, she's only looking at one variable, and an insignificant one at that, but that's not the point. The point is, the parents had no idea, and I live with them every day, right? So needn't worry about losing my soul, or becoming dull, I can fake it if worse comes to worst, right?
But look at Swarthy. He's closer to the goal than I am. He's stoic, and he just won't allow things to get to him, excising from his life things that will hurt him if needs be, making sure to supress any dangerous emotion. It's just being calm, cool, and collected. He's still got emotion, though, like his dislike towards his mother. I can't tell if it's a dislike or a disdain, as I think the latter's better than the former, but I can't even begin to explain that random thought. O_o
But maybe I'm not even thinking of losing emotion? Maybe I just want to disconnect myself from my life? There is no self, you know, and there's definitely no me. I don't know. That's too abstract for I.
But becoming boring? Do I have to? I doubt it. It's easy to mask one's emotions, so I could just do that. As a matter of fact, the worst time in my life was living in Canada, as I'm sure you all heard. I was a miserable kid with practically no friends and no hope. I was fat, and I wasn't losing any weight, and I was sufferring mentally. Hell, look at all the pathetic emotional baggage I have right now, right? But still, mom refuses to believe that I was even depressed back then. She actually believes that sinc eI lost weight, I've been acting cold and distant towards her, and she actually one day bought out some photos from an indeterminable number of years ago and exclaimed that she wanted her "fat Rohit" back. Of course, she's only looking at one variable, and an insignificant one at that, but that's not the point. The point is, the parents had no idea, and I live with them every day, right? So needn't worry about losing my soul, or becoming dull, I can fake it if worse comes to worst, right?
But look at Swarthy. He's closer to the goal than I am. He's stoic, and he just won't allow things to get to him, excising from his life things that will hurt him if needs be, making sure to supress any dangerous emotion. It's just being calm, cool, and collected. He's still got emotion, though, like his dislike towards his mother. I can't tell if it's a dislike or a disdain, as I think the latter's better than the former, but I can't even begin to explain that random thought. O_o
But maybe I'm not even thinking of losing emotion? Maybe I just want to disconnect myself from my life? There is no self, you know, and there's definitely no me. I don't know. That's too abstract for I.