Virginity, or the lack thereof

[freespirit_me]

 Hi there!

So, I gave up my virginity a couple weeks ago.  I've grown up in a Christian household where premarital sex is a definite no-no and my parents still think that I'm a virgin, and give me 'rules' about how to stay 'safe'.  Last year I flirted with the idea that premarital sex is okay, and my own religious views have changed a lot, but I

Comments

[kayla1906]

I am not married and have no intention of doing so; thus' I may not be the best one to answer your question. I do think many of us make our own problems, we listen to what others tell us, go out and do what we wanted to do in the first place, the we fell bad because we did not follow the other person. Many times we forget times change, the world is not the same today as it was when your mother was your age, and it was not the same for your mother as it was for her mother. The circumstances your mother faced were different then the circumstances you faced. So in many ways you are comparing apples and oranges. Today we have relatively reliable forms of birth control, this has not always been so women who had sex outside of marriage were much more likely to get pregnant. This caused them to be looked down on because women did not generally support them self and had to rely on a man. Men did not want to marry a woman who came with a child so sex before marriage was pretty much a taboo. To back all of this up religion entered the picture with their narrow views and control of people, especially women. All of this led to guilt, shame, and doubt among women while men were pretty free to "sow their oats". Women were also expected to provide sex not enjoy sex. We are not all that far away from those days so it is not surprising some of the thinking is still with us. However, times have changed, women are gaining freedom, we are able to care for our self, and we have found sex is a pretty good natural thing we can engage in without the stigma of having a child. I have no way to know for sure, but it seems most men and women now engage in sexual activities at any point in their life. Many religions have even backed off their stance on sex before marriage. You have worked through the things you were told growing up and have found sex is a pretty good thing. However, you still have some lingering doubts which seems to be natural. A couple of things to try to remember is that having sex does not make you any less of a person. No matter how many people you might have been with you are still the same person, your sexual organs still work the same way, and you have not been worn out like an old car. Sex is a very private and personal thus our activities are not something with have to share with anyone, even our parents. Lastly sex is a very natural enjoyable thing, it is not something that suddenly appears when we get married. This tell me nature intended for us to learn and engage in sex as part of our maturing process. Finally rather then looking at sex through the eyes of someone born 100+ years ago, see it as it is today. You are now an adult, you are not under your mother's control. Your mother raised you, she did a good job of teaching and preparing you to face the world. Now that you are an adult you are free to believe and do as you see fits your lifestyle the best. Some of these things will be based on what your mother told you and some will not. You have been prepared to be your own thinker, you are doing that - sometimes exactly as your mother, others times to some differing degree of difference.