(no subject)
OK, been a while since I posted. (And I was doing so well.)
Anyhoo, church sucked today. That's because ever since I started embracing the spiritual more, I've heightened an ability of mine. I am able to read people's emotions if they are close enough to me and they are strong. (No facial recognition needed and faces don't always reveal emotion anyway.)
Going to a church that places so much emphasis on family can be difficult for those of us who are childless. For the record, my wife has had 21 miscarriages and we can't adopt because my life-long depression landed me in the hospital in 2003. However, young families that are new to the ward (church unit) don't know that. All they know is we don't have kids. We look selfish.
So here I am fucking surrounded by families that have small children. It's not the kids; they are pretty well behaved. No, it's the parents. They are sending off judgment in *waves*. It's about the equivalent of someone being really pissed off, only there are four or five couples. I can't block out the negative feelings because the spiritual in me has been emphasizing the need to accept things as they are, including everything that is negative.
Are they idiots? Really? We *chose* this lifestyle while being in a church that practically worships children??? Fuck you.
Sometimes I think I'm still in this church for the sole reason that we are still receiving assistance from them. It's like the sarcastic definition of a Democrat: Someone who dreams of someday being rich enough to become a Republican. Sometimes I dream of being rich enough to leave.
And yes, it could just be a judgment in my head. Only it's not. I've had this discernment skill for years, testing it by asking people how they feel. ("You seem angry today.") It's just stronger now.
I couldn't deal today; I left after Sacrament Meeting instead of staying for the full three hours.
I have no idea how I'm going to deal in the future.
Anyhoo, church sucked today. That's because ever since I started embracing the spiritual more, I've heightened an ability of mine. I am able to read people's emotions if they are close enough to me and they are strong. (No facial recognition needed and faces don't always reveal emotion anyway.)
Going to a church that places so much emphasis on family can be difficult for those of us who are childless. For the record, my wife has had 21 miscarriages and we can't adopt because my life-long depression landed me in the hospital in 2003. However, young families that are new to the ward (church unit) don't know that. All they know is we don't have kids. We look selfish.
So here I am fucking surrounded by families that have small children. It's not the kids; they are pretty well behaved. No, it's the parents. They are sending off judgment in *waves*. It's about the equivalent of someone being really pissed off, only there are four or five couples. I can't block out the negative feelings because the spiritual in me has been emphasizing the need to accept things as they are, including everything that is negative.
Are they idiots? Really? We *chose* this lifestyle while being in a church that practically worships children??? Fuck you.
Sometimes I think I'm still in this church for the sole reason that we are still receiving assistance from them. It's like the sarcastic definition of a Democrat: Someone who dreams of someday being rich enough to become a Republican. Sometimes I dream of being rich enough to leave.
And yes, it could just be a judgment in my head. Only it's not. I've had this discernment skill for years, testing it by asking people how they feel. ("You seem angry today.") It's just stronger now.
I couldn't deal today; I left after Sacrament Meeting instead of staying for the full three hours.
I have no idea how I'm going to deal in the future.