Everybody's Gotta Learn Some Time
I'm unhappy with my period induced state of mind. All I want to do is drink wine and watch girly love movies and cry. Which so far I've been doing although replace wine with Diet Pepsi. My hormones usually never affect me this much but right now all I want to do is sob and my loneliness for a partner is so strong right now. I miss so very much the familiar smell of someone and leaning into that comfortable spot on his stomach. I just can't let that happen right now because I hate my monstrous body. It's a protective fat suit with a broken off zipper and it's not coming off easily. I don't want it anymore. All I can do is chip slowly away before I can let anyone touch me. It'll take two years to lose 100 lbs. That's so much more loneliness. I haven't felt anything like this in a really long time so in a way I'm happy. I haven't felt much of anything in a long time. Sadly, I am out of girly movies to watch :( I think if I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind again I'd lose the moment. My life needs meaning and purpose instead of only lasting as long as a slow food suicide takes. This cellulite cocoon will one day shed.