Mommy Issues
I was in the Old Navy fitting room across from Deer Park Towne Center while Natalie and Mike were trying on clothes. A little girl about 10 years old was trying on clothes with her mother. The mother was obviously annoyed with her daughter and every word the mother said was clipped. At one point the girl came out with an outfit on that was really cute; she was clearly feeling really good about how she looked. Before she could actually enjoy the moment, her mother jerked the sweater she was trying on up exposing this girl's stomach to examine the fit of the waistline snapping at her daughter about how it fit, commenting on how it's hard to find her clothes. The girl's demeanor immediately turned to sadness and she was obviously self-conscious about how public her mom's public humiliation. I can't even count how many times I was in that little girl's shoes, day dreaming about how cute something looked on me only to have my mother yell at me for being too fat. I wanted to tell that girl not to worry, to give it ten more years and she'd be able to be herself without constant scrutiny and not to go relying on food for comfort in the meantime or anything more detrimental. I didn't say anything to her, not being a good role model myself at this point, and it's typically not a good idea to tell mothers they're bad at being one and girls in fitting rooms life advice. She'll work it out on her own, like I'm doing now.
That spawned this big internal analysis phase I'm going through. Like, trying to remind myself the importance of non-profit work and getting into grad school instead of sinking into the warm embrace of good pay and mindless work. I plan to cancel my cable subscription at the end of the year to save money and mind. It's disconcerting that I feel and sound like an adolescent again. I'm going to go grocery shopping and cook a lot of legitimately good food in effort to relax and try my hand at not being totally lazy.
That spawned this big internal analysis phase I'm going through. Like, trying to remind myself the importance of non-profit work and getting into grad school instead of sinking into the warm embrace of good pay and mindless work. I plan to cancel my cable subscription at the end of the year to save money and mind. It's disconcerting that I feel and sound like an adolescent again. I'm going to go grocery shopping and cook a lot of legitimately good food in effort to relax and try my hand at not being totally lazy.