(no subject)
" I have come round full circle" ~Tool~
There is something happening in me. Something interesting. Pushing , flowing, falling, rushing me to the future. as in the next moment. To push me out of the past wich I have always half lived in. probably ever since I started school and was able to remeber a time better than that horror.
I have a HUGE post in me. All access to evey's brain so to speak but the time at this internet cafe does not allow for a full purge of my feelings. For the moment I will only say that there are things lifting from me like fog from a city. things that I thought I had purged wich indeed where still hanging around. What I had not realised is that in my desprate attempt to purge the bad of the past I purged part of myself as well. Leaving a hole. a hole for the memories of these bad things to grow and fester and rot me from the inside out like a cancer.......... so much is in my brain. I wish I had time.
what a wild and eye opening weekend...... but in all reality the wild part is only with in me.
We finaly put nigel down. I am both realived and devestated. the gost of his memory still wanders the house. kitty toys and empty food bowls, unused litter box, bathroom door unscratched on. I am realived that his suffering is no more. But pained by the lack of his presence and companionship. That cat was like our son. And now that he is gone I am unashamed to admit it. Deciding exactly when anouther living creatchers dies is making me seriously contemplate not eating meat anymore. But confound me..... I love att the different little foods. I love them to get in me.
so I think that should me all for now. I realise that that is kinda leangthy for most people. But I messed up.....My writters brain always has pages and pages to say.
I hope all are well out there. Both of the past and of my future. I have no regrets. Blessed and changed by each one. Glad for the chance to love so many.
Evey
"people you've been before. that you don't want around anymore"
~elliot smith~
There is something happening in me. Something interesting. Pushing , flowing, falling, rushing me to the future. as in the next moment. To push me out of the past wich I have always half lived in. probably ever since I started school and was able to remeber a time better than that horror.
I have a HUGE post in me. All access to evey's brain so to speak but the time at this internet cafe does not allow for a full purge of my feelings. For the moment I will only say that there are things lifting from me like fog from a city. things that I thought I had purged wich indeed where still hanging around. What I had not realised is that in my desprate attempt to purge the bad of the past I purged part of myself as well. Leaving a hole. a hole for the memories of these bad things to grow and fester and rot me from the inside out like a cancer.......... so much is in my brain. I wish I had time.
what a wild and eye opening weekend...... but in all reality the wild part is only with in me.
We finaly put nigel down. I am both realived and devestated. the gost of his memory still wanders the house. kitty toys and empty food bowls, unused litter box, bathroom door unscratched on. I am realived that his suffering is no more. But pained by the lack of his presence and companionship. That cat was like our son. And now that he is gone I am unashamed to admit it. Deciding exactly when anouther living creatchers dies is making me seriously contemplate not eating meat anymore. But confound me..... I love att the different little foods. I love them to get in me.
so I think that should me all for now. I realise that that is kinda leangthy for most people. But I messed up.....My writters brain always has pages and pages to say.
I hope all are well out there. Both of the past and of my future. I have no regrets. Blessed and changed by each one. Glad for the chance to love so many.
Evey
"people you've been before. that you don't want around anymore"
~elliot smith~