"you do it to yourself
just you, you and no one else
and that's what really hurts." ~radiohead~
So me and ace spent the weekend away. And well..... it was amazing of course. 2 days at edgefield was just what we both hella needed. but it was not nearly long enough. It was like camp. we never wanted to come home. It was really freakin' fun, but I think the biggest reason we didn't want to come home is because there was a part of us that knew that it would be the last time in a really long time that we would be able to be together like that. in 2 months or less ace will be off to trucking school. 3 months in school and then who knows how long on the open road. It's exciting. And brings us, especially him hope for a better future than pumping gas. But it also terrifies me. Change makes me crazy axious, even when it's fr the better. we have also never been away from each other for more than 3 or 4 days at a time. I suppose this will be the true test of the strenght of us as well as our relationship..... I just hope I can at least pass..... I don't need an A.... but I would like to pass.
other things are going better for me both in my brain in and in my heart. It's super slow fucking going and is taking every ounce of me but I'm tring to be the better person I use to be. Not the bitter nasty jaded moody bitch that I have become. It took losing the the person who was most important to me in one of the most painful ways possible to make me realise all this stuff. So much of this shit as life that we live is shit ass because of out imperfectness.
I need to get down with my imperfectness, wollow in it, roll around, wear it as a hate, tatoo it on my face. because it's not going anywhere and all this comparing and talking down to myself is not getting me anywhere. two steps forward two steps back...... hehehehe palua!!!!
but yeah. that's the rant for today. much like the rant for last month.... and probably will be alot like this next month. but that's the way it goes. slam slam slam slam goes my skull against the brick wall untill I break through the wall or my skull. all the while keeping an open heart..... ooooo it sounds soo easy when I say it. but the practice of such things are hard to execute.
on anouther note..... RE deadly silence for the DS is the fucking shit!!!!! oooo many. head popping action ANYwhere. but now I crave silent hill and RE 3 for my ds. some one tell nintedo to bring it! and bring it good.
I don't care what anyone says. old school anime is the shit! devil hunter yokho! oooohhh yeah rock on with your bad self!
me and my brother want nintendo tatoos!!!! oooooo yeah. we neeeed to make that happen.
Evey
" I wish that I was..... bulletproof
and that's what really hurts." ~radiohead~
So me and ace spent the weekend away. And well..... it was amazing of course. 2 days at edgefield was just what we both hella needed. but it was not nearly long enough. It was like camp. we never wanted to come home. It was really freakin' fun, but I think the biggest reason we didn't want to come home is because there was a part of us that knew that it would be the last time in a really long time that we would be able to be together like that. in 2 months or less ace will be off to trucking school. 3 months in school and then who knows how long on the open road. It's exciting. And brings us, especially him hope for a better future than pumping gas. But it also terrifies me. Change makes me crazy axious, even when it's fr the better. we have also never been away from each other for more than 3 or 4 days at a time. I suppose this will be the true test of the strenght of us as well as our relationship..... I just hope I can at least pass..... I don't need an A.... but I would like to pass.
other things are going better for me both in my brain in and in my heart. It's super slow fucking going and is taking every ounce of me but I'm tring to be the better person I use to be. Not the bitter nasty jaded moody bitch that I have become. It took losing the the person who was most important to me in one of the most painful ways possible to make me realise all this stuff. So much of this shit as life that we live is shit ass because of out imperfectness.
I need to get down with my imperfectness, wollow in it, roll around, wear it as a hate, tatoo it on my face. because it's not going anywhere and all this comparing and talking down to myself is not getting me anywhere. two steps forward two steps back...... hehehehe palua!!!!
but yeah. that's the rant for today. much like the rant for last month.... and probably will be alot like this next month. but that's the way it goes. slam slam slam slam goes my skull against the brick wall untill I break through the wall or my skull. all the while keeping an open heart..... ooooo it sounds soo easy when I say it. but the practice of such things are hard to execute.
on anouther note..... RE deadly silence for the DS is the fucking shit!!!!! oooo many. head popping action ANYwhere. but now I crave silent hill and RE 3 for my ds. some one tell nintedo to bring it! and bring it good.
I don't care what anyone says. old school anime is the shit! devil hunter yokho! oooohhh yeah rock on with your bad self!
me and my brother want nintendo tatoos!!!! oooooo yeah. we neeeed to make that happen.
Evey
" I wish that I was..... bulletproof