My first poem since high school
I haven't even decided what the title will be. I'm open to ideas, though. Anyway, let me know what you guys think. Criticize me! Don't hold back. Oh, by the way, this is NOT a final draft. It's actually my third draft, but I figure it is good enough to post on the notes and get the feedback.
She gazes out at the Pearly Gates, bright and warm,
Her spirit lifts up, she goes past the gates.
There she stays forever. But forever doesn't last.
Soon, golden bricks falls, brick by brick
Til there is but only dust and ashes.
The light was lost. The Pearly Gates had lost its magic.
It is now dark and cold, yet she stays.
It is all she ever knows, her comfort, she stays.
What she does is not under her command.
Does she do because she is under his wings
Or is she under his spell?
At last, she wants to move forward, but there she stays
In a pit of tar no one sees but her.
Gazing out at nowhere, she sees the real herself.
And she must break out to get her back.
Does she or does she not?
She gazes out at the Pearly Gates, bright and warm,
Her spirit lifts up, she goes past the gates.
There she stays forever. But forever doesn't last.
Soon, golden bricks falls, brick by brick
Til there is but only dust and ashes.
The light was lost. The Pearly Gates had lost its magic.
It is now dark and cold, yet she stays.
It is all she ever knows, her comfort, she stays.
What she does is not under her command.
Does she do because she is under his wings
Or is she under his spell?
At last, she wants to move forward, but there she stays
In a pit of tar no one sees but her.
Gazing out at nowhere, she sees the real herself.
And she must break out to get her back.
Does she or does she not?