(no subject)
I am a terrible person. I haven't posted in more than 6th months. I haven't even looked at LJ since then probably. And not so much because I was busy (although that's such a huge part of it) but also just because I'm lazy. I've never been able to keep a journal. Even my music blog is irregularly updated. I can't seem to keep any of this straight. Although, I'd love to. I'd love to really make some internet contacts. To really reach out to people and really let go of some of the shit I hold in on a daily basis. It's so hard to tell myself that I should just let homework wait for five minutes so I can write. Write about my life right now. Because I do a lot of writing. In fact as far as homework goes that's pretty much all I do.
So let me give you a bit of an update. I started my senior year of college a month ago. In eight months I will graduate with a B.S in Professional Writing. I currently have an internship at a music venue doing press releases, website stuff, and social media (eventually). I also work part time at a cafe on campus. What I do there consists of closing up the cafe at 7pm, and before that just hanging out with my friends who also work there.
I'm also writing a book, because someone told me to. Not the cool kind of book either, the kind that my college wants to publish and wanted to shove off on someone so they picked me. It's going to be fun, I think, but it's also going to be a shitload of work, which is something I'm not sure I'm ready for since I like having free time.
Besides that I'm scared. I'm scared out of my mind that I'm not going to find a job when I'm done. That I don't really know what I'm doing. That I want too badly to be a novelist and that is never going to happen. But I want it to. I want to be one of the lucky ones. But to be lucky you either have to be amazing, or write about sex. I'm not sure how amazing I am, but I refuse to sell out for money and popularity. I'm going to write what I love and hope other people love it too and in the meantime I'll probably do some copy-editing or something.
I don't know what to write about my own life.
Maybe that's why journals always fail.
I'm not very good at sticking with things. I probably should learn how to do that before I go out in the "real world" and need to do it to keep food on the table.