(no subject)
I miss having this as a place to vent. It's been a long time since I was able to come on here and just talk. I haven't had the motivation. And even right now I have a million other things on my mind (like why this part of my room smells like gross mayo). I almost had a panic attack earlier while trying to find headphones at the drug store. It wasn't because they didn't have them (they didn't) or because I felt awkward looking around for nothing (I got other stuff too) I just felt off as soon as I woke up this morning. Attribute that to the fact that I woke up more than an hour late because I set my alarm for PM not AM, it's a good thing all I had to do was move my car, not go to class or something. I was just freaking out. I woke up to a picture of my boyfriend that he sent to me. I feel extraordinarily stressed out, even though I shouldn't because I'm pretty well on track.
Next week is spring break. I'm going to New Hampshire to see my cousin this weekend because we're going to see Mindless Self Indulgence on Saturday. Then I'm going home, and I'm staying home for a week. I'm exhausted, and all I want is to to decompress.
I've been trying to conquer George RR Martin's "A Song of Ice and Fire" I got through Game of Thrones and now I'm about 200 pages into Clash of Kings. I'm enjoying them, despite what other writers say about him. He isn't the greatest writer in the world, that's true, but I like the story and I'm invested it in for now. Until he kills all of the good characters, like I know he will.
I'm going to try to post more. I need this outlet. I don't feel as obligated to post about interesting things or have perfect grammar when I post here. I should, but I don't see LJ as part of my professional life. It's not WordPress or school work. Wordpress makes blogging seem more like work because I feel like I have to be constantly interesting and have purpose to each post.
My brain is scattered, therefore all of my posts are scattered.
I'm not sure how to be a professional. The entire notion of growing up terrifies me. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be doing, but I'm pretty sure whatever it is I'm not doing it. And that is terrifying and full of stress and I honestly can't get un-stressed right now.
gah.
Seriously, fuck responsibilities and growing up.