Random Assed Rambling That Eventually Has A Point But Only If You're Extremly Nerdy
Okay so there is a definite lack-luster feeling to the new Fall line-up, not that I get to watch a ton of TV or anything but still. The most intresting show is the Fables rip off and I probably won't watch it because its...an uncredited Fables rip off. I don't even like Fables and I am somewhat annoyed at the situation.
If you want to make a comic-based show just make a freaking comic-based show. I mean A&E didn't make a zombie story that was incredibly simmilar to Walking Dead and call it someone else they just fucking made the comic into a show and called it what it was, Walking Dead.
BUT FOR GOD'S SAKE MAKE IT RIGHT!
Thank God the Wonder Woman abortion they attempted to pilot never took off. It is the stuff of nerdy nightmares.
Still, after Heroes went down the tubes is telivision ready for more super heroes?
Maybe not.
Still I have a couple of ideas that, with the right creative spin could work much like the Walking Dead or, I shudder to even utter it, Smallville.
1) Y The Last Man
Yeah yeah I know theres been talk about a movie adaptation for years, but honestly you can't shove the series into a movie and make it work. It's too complex and frankly, too good. It would be like making Game of Thrones into a movie, it simply works better in a telivision format. The set up is very Lost-ish in the fact that theres a big mystery that you only figure out at the end and lots of drama to get there. Science, political intrigue, international espionage, action, romance, freaking astronauts - you name it and this show has it.
Without going into a long synopsis here's the deal. One day Yorrick Brown is on the phone with his girlfriend. Dorky boy meets hot girl, dating ensues and then she goes to Australia to study Anthropology. Yorrick loses the call, which is a total bummer for him. Meanwhile every other man on the face of the earth suddenly and inexplicably dies a horrible, painful, instant death. No joke. Now what follows is, well, the end of the world as we know it. But why oh why is our hero Yorrick still alive? So our story begins. Yorrick Brown, Last Man versus the World.
Only he is no hero. He's not Batman, Superman, hell he's not even Brett the Amazing Bouncing Boy. He's an unemployed dude with a useless English degree and a few magic tricks and no clue what to do next. Oh also he has a monkey....who throws poo. The monkeys name is Ampersand and besides Yorrick he is the last creature in the world with a Y Chromosome. Keep all that under your hat, though, you'll need to remember it later.
While the media touted Shia Le Bouf as a possible Yorrick I vehmently and violently disagree. You need someone young and relativly unknown. You're not casting Superman, you're casting for...oh I don't know Seasons 1-3 Xander Harris from Buffy The Vampire Slayer...with room for growth later. I have no cast suggestions for this...I want them to go find a real diamond in the rough kind of actor and show me Yorrick's adventure and growth organically.
Now the rest of the show, the entire rest of the cast...women. All WOMEN. We're talking a shmorgesborg of females. It's like the L Word except MORE CHICKS. Since I cannot list an entire cast, I will go with the top three ladies of the story.
Hero Brown - Yorrick's sister. This chick, again trying not to be Sally Spoiler, has some major issues. She's tough, she's vulnerable, she makes bad decisions, she has to deal with some f'ed up stuff. She's important in the story because she's the face of the women of America. Confused, scared, trying to survive the best she can and....really on the road to redemption. There are allot of actresses who could tackle this role and do pretty well by it, but if I were casting I would hand it to -
Jennifer Carpenter. Why?
This is Hero.
This is Jennifer Carpenter.
That is the closest you're gonna get to going into the comic and pulling the charecter from the pages kicking and screaming. Now, apperance is not everything. If you've seen Carpenter on Dexter you know she's a good actress. She's gritty, not afraid of showing some real emotion, and she's done some pretty dark stuff. Exactly the sort of experience you need to portray Hero.
Next: Agent 355.
Yes, that's her name, Agent 355. We never, ever, as readers learn her given name. With skills like hers you don't need a name, folks. She's a trained secret agent/spy/assasin/all-around badass and she's assigned by the President to protect Yorrick whether she likes it or not. She's Black, beutiful and deadly, and not even in that specific order. She's the muscles of the operation with a heart of gold that glimmers through every once and a while. Honestly, I'm thinking Zoe Saldana but I want to see the screen test first, just in case...because if 355 falls flat the whole movie is going to freaking suck.
That leaves us with....Dr Mann.
Dr Mann, really? Yeah, really. It's a long story but she's Chineese-Japaneese, a genius and a lesbian. She's the brain of the opperation. Her mission is to clone Yorrick and save the human race and trust me it's not an easy burden to bear and she doesn't always bear it gracefully. Allison Mann is a complicated charecter who needs a vetran actress. So yeah, I'm gonna play the type-casting card and say Ming Na is the best bet here.
So the cast is set and the story can pretty much be lifted from the comic to the screen, with some side story ommisions and slight charecter tweeks. What network is going to carry it? NOT CW is my first response, and please God, not FOX. This show would probably do well on cable. It's a little too fantastic for TNT, but I hesitate to say Syfy is a good home for it due to the fact that Syfy has no idea what it's audience wants anymore. A&E's budget might be a little tight but USA might make a go of it if they truely wanted to. Showtime would be a good and solid channel for it. It's edgy and has a built-in audience and might give HBO a run for it's money. Also that means Carpenter could still work in episodes of Dexter, which would make me extremly happy.
Is any of this going to happen?
Not likely.
2) Gotham Central.
Yes, this again.
There are TONS of cop dramas on the air. Everything from big franchise names like CSI, Law and Order and NCIS to smaller affairs like The Closer and In Plain Sight.
It's time to take it to the next level, folks. I'm looking at you, DC. You've been re-vamping your image, I get it. You're edgy and new and ready to show your stuff. Cool. I like new things just as much as the next person, but don't forget that you already have some gems laying around just waiting to be used.
Gotham is dark, gritty, and dangerous. It is the city of Batman and Joker and dozens more costumed heroes and criminals. The city has been through hell and back and shows both it's age and it's glory in the same block. The police force is a national joke. It's bloated, its corrupt and it's regularly handed it's butt by a guy who runs around in a Halloween costume.
The Major Crimes Unit regularly handles cases that most cops pray they only see once or twice a career. Let's meet them.
Capitan Maggie Sawyer - The leader of the unit and second only to Commisioner Jim Gordon. She's a cop's cop who got to where she is by working and working hard. She's seen some messed up shit and lived to tell the tale. She's worked Star City, Metropolis and Gotham and knows the job through and through. She's a little troubled on the personal front, kids from the first marriage, a rocky long distance mate in Metropolis...oh and she's a lesbian. It's like the trifecta of personal problems for a cop. Honestly I think Stephanie March could do it. She showed a ton of depth in her role as Alex Cabot on SVU. Here's the thing, though, you've got to lose the long locks, Sawyer is a dyke and has an unapologetic dyke haircut, and the beloved glasses of justice. Fans would eventually warm up to her new role (hopefully a little better then they did in the short-lived spin-off she got)
Harvey Bullock - Old school. Very very very old school. He's built like a brick and is about as thick as one too. He doesn't do nice. Harvey smokes, drinks, eats all the red meat he wants and doesn't mind sharing his opinions on any number of issues. He's a bull-dog and once he gets his teeth into something he doesn't let go. The thing here is that Bullock would have a definite sell-by date. He would exit the series eventually, and very dramatically, to make way for another officer. Bullock is ingrained in every fan's mind as we saw him on Batman the Animated Series. Thick around the waist and uncomfortable in a tie. Personally I think this is the kind of role that James Gandolfini could really take and run with.
Renee Montoya - Female, Hispanic, bad attitude, good cop. Renee has allot of sides to her, not all of them perfect. You can go so many diffrint directions because the charecter, as written by Rucka, is a freaking gold mine of stories. She's a closeted lesbian. Two Face is obsessed with her at one point. She's done some things for Gotham that aren't exactly moral...or legal for that matter. The list goes on and on. Now I know what you're thinking...Michelle Rodriguez. Physically yes, she is a great choice...but Renee is more then a Latina with abs, she has depth and that's something Rodriguez simply doesn't do well. I think Rosario Dawson could really stretch her wings and do some great dramatic acting as Renee. Also, yes, I wanna see Rosario Dawson kiss another chick. Sue me.
Crispus Allen - Cris transfers in to Gotham and doesn't like the way things are run. He's not a fan of Batman, he's not a fan of people at all really. He's a great cop but he tends to be on the prickly side. He's a family man with a chip on his shoulder and he's got a real down-to-earth feel that you can't help but like. He doesn't start in the first season and maybe not even the second. He's a later addition to the cast and for a while he simply doesn't fit...but eventually he earns some respect and a place in the MCU. Omar Epps, of House fame, is a percect fit physically and the man can ACT.
After that there are so many charecters to pick and chose from that the possibilites are positivly dazzling. It's all in where they want to start telling the story and how true to the series they want to stay. Showing Batman and his Super Muk Muk Squad is barley on the radar. Villans, on the other hand, would be nice. Two Face is a must. A MUST, but several big villans have awesome arcs to play with. Freeze, Mad Hatter, hell you could devote half a season to Joker. There could also be a flashback arc to No Man's Land or even a few spot-light episodes on Gordon that show some Year One, Killing Joke or Long Halloween action.
We've not even talked about the Organized Crime yet. There's so much to do and there's so little time!
Cameo apperances to let smart fans enjoy the show even more. Say you don't want to do a Huntress episode, but what about Helena Bertenelli the school teacher with big mob connections. Or how about Dinah Lance the florist, daughter of a cop...and the vigilante Black Canary. Jim Gordon's own daughter is one of the biggest movers and shakers in the super hero community...but she's also a wheel-chair bound computer nerd to the normal world. Then, need I say it, there's Bruce Wayne.
C'mon, DC, you have a golden oppertunity here, why not take it?
3) Queen and Country
Greg Rucka gives another stellar option in his creator-owned comic and novel series - Queen and Country. Jack Bauer wishes he were Tara Chace, folks. The main charecter of the show is a British Inteligence Officer, known as a Minder. Her job is to work for Brittan's intrests in the world. You wanna talk about action? Terrorists, shoot-outs, explosions and that's just in one episode. Politics and personal lives are a messy mix for a spy and Rucka paints a beautiful world for us to enjoy.
It's not James Bond, its real and relevant and so adrenaline pumping that you wonder if you're gonna survive the ordeal.
The key here is budget, casting and network.
This is the kind of show that needs to go to HBO or Showtime...or possibly FX. FX may struggle with the budget but I think it has the cajones to do the show properly.
But what do you mean properly?
I mean import some freaking English actors. No crappy fake accents and no cutting corners. Do it right.
I'm only going to cast one charecter for this...because if she doesn't work the show isn't going to work.
Tara Chace - When you think spy you don't think her. She's blonde, she's beutiful, she's got more vices then you can shake a stick at, and she's deadly. She's the best of the best and casting will make or break her.
Two words: Louise Lombard. She's hot, she's British, and while she's a little older then I would like she also carries some wieght stateside for her appearnces on CSI and NCIS.
THERE! See 3 ideas that would make Fall look better, way the hell better.
If you want to make a comic-based show just make a freaking comic-based show. I mean A&E didn't make a zombie story that was incredibly simmilar to Walking Dead and call it someone else they just fucking made the comic into a show and called it what it was, Walking Dead.
BUT FOR GOD'S SAKE MAKE IT RIGHT!
Thank God the Wonder Woman abortion they attempted to pilot never took off. It is the stuff of nerdy nightmares.
Still, after Heroes went down the tubes is telivision ready for more super heroes?
Maybe not.
Still I have a couple of ideas that, with the right creative spin could work much like the Walking Dead or, I shudder to even utter it, Smallville.
1) Y The Last Man
Yeah yeah I know theres been talk about a movie adaptation for years, but honestly you can't shove the series into a movie and make it work. It's too complex and frankly, too good. It would be like making Game of Thrones into a movie, it simply works better in a telivision format. The set up is very Lost-ish in the fact that theres a big mystery that you only figure out at the end and lots of drama to get there. Science, political intrigue, international espionage, action, romance, freaking astronauts - you name it and this show has it.
Without going into a long synopsis here's the deal. One day Yorrick Brown is on the phone with his girlfriend. Dorky boy meets hot girl, dating ensues and then she goes to Australia to study Anthropology. Yorrick loses the call, which is a total bummer for him. Meanwhile every other man on the face of the earth suddenly and inexplicably dies a horrible, painful, instant death. No joke. Now what follows is, well, the end of the world as we know it. But why oh why is our hero Yorrick still alive? So our story begins. Yorrick Brown, Last Man versus the World.
Only he is no hero. He's not Batman, Superman, hell he's not even Brett the Amazing Bouncing Boy. He's an unemployed dude with a useless English degree and a few magic tricks and no clue what to do next. Oh also he has a monkey....who throws poo. The monkeys name is Ampersand and besides Yorrick he is the last creature in the world with a Y Chromosome. Keep all that under your hat, though, you'll need to remember it later.
While the media touted Shia Le Bouf as a possible Yorrick I vehmently and violently disagree. You need someone young and relativly unknown. You're not casting Superman, you're casting for...oh I don't know Seasons 1-3 Xander Harris from Buffy The Vampire Slayer...with room for growth later. I have no cast suggestions for this...I want them to go find a real diamond in the rough kind of actor and show me Yorrick's adventure and growth organically.
Now the rest of the show, the entire rest of the cast...women. All WOMEN. We're talking a shmorgesborg of females. It's like the L Word except MORE CHICKS. Since I cannot list an entire cast, I will go with the top three ladies of the story.
Hero Brown - Yorrick's sister. This chick, again trying not to be Sally Spoiler, has some major issues. She's tough, she's vulnerable, she makes bad decisions, she has to deal with some f'ed up stuff. She's important in the story because she's the face of the women of America. Confused, scared, trying to survive the best she can and....really on the road to redemption. There are allot of actresses who could tackle this role and do pretty well by it, but if I were casting I would hand it to -
Jennifer Carpenter. Why?
This is Hero.
This is Jennifer Carpenter.
That is the closest you're gonna get to going into the comic and pulling the charecter from the pages kicking and screaming. Now, apperance is not everything. If you've seen Carpenter on Dexter you know she's a good actress. She's gritty, not afraid of showing some real emotion, and she's done some pretty dark stuff. Exactly the sort of experience you need to portray Hero.
Next: Agent 355.
Yes, that's her name, Agent 355. We never, ever, as readers learn her given name. With skills like hers you don't need a name, folks. She's a trained secret agent/spy/assasin/all-around badass and she's assigned by the President to protect Yorrick whether she likes it or not. She's Black, beutiful and deadly, and not even in that specific order. She's the muscles of the operation with a heart of gold that glimmers through every once and a while. Honestly, I'm thinking Zoe Saldana but I want to see the screen test first, just in case...because if 355 falls flat the whole movie is going to freaking suck.
That leaves us with....Dr Mann.
Dr Mann, really? Yeah, really. It's a long story but she's Chineese-Japaneese, a genius and a lesbian. She's the brain of the opperation. Her mission is to clone Yorrick and save the human race and trust me it's not an easy burden to bear and she doesn't always bear it gracefully. Allison Mann is a complicated charecter who needs a vetran actress. So yeah, I'm gonna play the type-casting card and say Ming Na is the best bet here.
So the cast is set and the story can pretty much be lifted from the comic to the screen, with some side story ommisions and slight charecter tweeks. What network is going to carry it? NOT CW is my first response, and please God, not FOX. This show would probably do well on cable. It's a little too fantastic for TNT, but I hesitate to say Syfy is a good home for it due to the fact that Syfy has no idea what it's audience wants anymore. A&E's budget might be a little tight but USA might make a go of it if they truely wanted to. Showtime would be a good and solid channel for it. It's edgy and has a built-in audience and might give HBO a run for it's money. Also that means Carpenter could still work in episodes of Dexter, which would make me extremly happy.
Is any of this going to happen?
Not likely.
2) Gotham Central.
Yes, this again.
There are TONS of cop dramas on the air. Everything from big franchise names like CSI, Law and Order and NCIS to smaller affairs like The Closer and In Plain Sight.
It's time to take it to the next level, folks. I'm looking at you, DC. You've been re-vamping your image, I get it. You're edgy and new and ready to show your stuff. Cool. I like new things just as much as the next person, but don't forget that you already have some gems laying around just waiting to be used.
Gotham is dark, gritty, and dangerous. It is the city of Batman and Joker and dozens more costumed heroes and criminals. The city has been through hell and back and shows both it's age and it's glory in the same block. The police force is a national joke. It's bloated, its corrupt and it's regularly handed it's butt by a guy who runs around in a Halloween costume.
The Major Crimes Unit regularly handles cases that most cops pray they only see once or twice a career. Let's meet them.
Capitan Maggie Sawyer - The leader of the unit and second only to Commisioner Jim Gordon. She's a cop's cop who got to where she is by working and working hard. She's seen some messed up shit and lived to tell the tale. She's worked Star City, Metropolis and Gotham and knows the job through and through. She's a little troubled on the personal front, kids from the first marriage, a rocky long distance mate in Metropolis...oh and she's a lesbian. It's like the trifecta of personal problems for a cop. Honestly I think Stephanie March could do it. She showed a ton of depth in her role as Alex Cabot on SVU. Here's the thing, though, you've got to lose the long locks, Sawyer is a dyke and has an unapologetic dyke haircut, and the beloved glasses of justice. Fans would eventually warm up to her new role (hopefully a little better then they did in the short-lived spin-off she got)
Harvey Bullock - Old school. Very very very old school. He's built like a brick and is about as thick as one too. He doesn't do nice. Harvey smokes, drinks, eats all the red meat he wants and doesn't mind sharing his opinions on any number of issues. He's a bull-dog and once he gets his teeth into something he doesn't let go. The thing here is that Bullock would have a definite sell-by date. He would exit the series eventually, and very dramatically, to make way for another officer. Bullock is ingrained in every fan's mind as we saw him on Batman the Animated Series. Thick around the waist and uncomfortable in a tie. Personally I think this is the kind of role that James Gandolfini could really take and run with.
Renee Montoya - Female, Hispanic, bad attitude, good cop. Renee has allot of sides to her, not all of them perfect. You can go so many diffrint directions because the charecter, as written by Rucka, is a freaking gold mine of stories. She's a closeted lesbian. Two Face is obsessed with her at one point. She's done some things for Gotham that aren't exactly moral...or legal for that matter. The list goes on and on. Now I know what you're thinking...Michelle Rodriguez. Physically yes, she is a great choice...but Renee is more then a Latina with abs, she has depth and that's something Rodriguez simply doesn't do well. I think Rosario Dawson could really stretch her wings and do some great dramatic acting as Renee. Also, yes, I wanna see Rosario Dawson kiss another chick. Sue me.
Crispus Allen - Cris transfers in to Gotham and doesn't like the way things are run. He's not a fan of Batman, he's not a fan of people at all really. He's a great cop but he tends to be on the prickly side. He's a family man with a chip on his shoulder and he's got a real down-to-earth feel that you can't help but like. He doesn't start in the first season and maybe not even the second. He's a later addition to the cast and for a while he simply doesn't fit...but eventually he earns some respect and a place in the MCU. Omar Epps, of House fame, is a percect fit physically and the man can ACT.
After that there are so many charecters to pick and chose from that the possibilites are positivly dazzling. It's all in where they want to start telling the story and how true to the series they want to stay. Showing Batman and his Super Muk Muk Squad is barley on the radar. Villans, on the other hand, would be nice. Two Face is a must. A MUST, but several big villans have awesome arcs to play with. Freeze, Mad Hatter, hell you could devote half a season to Joker. There could also be a flashback arc to No Man's Land or even a few spot-light episodes on Gordon that show some Year One, Killing Joke or Long Halloween action.
We've not even talked about the Organized Crime yet. There's so much to do and there's so little time!
Cameo apperances to let smart fans enjoy the show even more. Say you don't want to do a Huntress episode, but what about Helena Bertenelli the school teacher with big mob connections. Or how about Dinah Lance the florist, daughter of a cop...and the vigilante Black Canary. Jim Gordon's own daughter is one of the biggest movers and shakers in the super hero community...but she's also a wheel-chair bound computer nerd to the normal world. Then, need I say it, there's Bruce Wayne.
C'mon, DC, you have a golden oppertunity here, why not take it?
3) Queen and Country
Greg Rucka gives another stellar option in his creator-owned comic and novel series - Queen and Country. Jack Bauer wishes he were Tara Chace, folks. The main charecter of the show is a British Inteligence Officer, known as a Minder. Her job is to work for Brittan's intrests in the world. You wanna talk about action? Terrorists, shoot-outs, explosions and that's just in one episode. Politics and personal lives are a messy mix for a spy and Rucka paints a beautiful world for us to enjoy.
It's not James Bond, its real and relevant and so adrenaline pumping that you wonder if you're gonna survive the ordeal.
The key here is budget, casting and network.
This is the kind of show that needs to go to HBO or Showtime...or possibly FX. FX may struggle with the budget but I think it has the cajones to do the show properly.
But what do you mean properly?
I mean import some freaking English actors. No crappy fake accents and no cutting corners. Do it right.
I'm only going to cast one charecter for this...because if she doesn't work the show isn't going to work.
Tara Chace - When you think spy you don't think her. She's blonde, she's beutiful, she's got more vices then you can shake a stick at, and she's deadly. She's the best of the best and casting will make or break her.
Two words: Louise Lombard. She's hot, she's British, and while she's a little older then I would like she also carries some wieght stateside for her appearnces on CSI and NCIS.
THERE! See 3 ideas that would make Fall look better, way the hell better.