Twirling Thoughts: Turning Head, Churning Stomach
It’s 4 in the morning and all of the thoughts are completely jumbled; to make things worst, my headache is coming back.
I have so much on my head (I will secretly admit I always like being this busy . . . just without as much drama.)
A friend of ours broke his arm . . . he needs surgery tomorrow, so please pray and send positive healing vibes his way. I did light a candle for him (That is the way I pray now.) To make a long story short, his broken arm was caused by lack of communication . . . the little bit of communication that was there was actually being ignored.
Then on Thursday, I completely chewed out someone. . . It was bottled up stress and in any other situation I would have handled it so much differently. (The worst part was the day before she was really nice.) I felt stressed, pressured, and cornered. I walked over to simply speak what the group wanted to say for a few weeks . . . there were members who were uncomfortable with her for varies reasons, and I personally couldn’t handle the complaining, negativity, and bitterness from her anymore. (I used to be a very positive, perky, bouncy person, but I have been used, mentally beaten down, and picked on that it really takes a lot to keep that perkiness. There are only certain people that can bring out that positive side, but the person I chewed out actually smoothers it.)
The other reasons I exploded were simply bottled tension, between some issued that had happened in between practices dealing with the kids. (I held it for the peace of the group, but I realized that I should have just released it.)
(What kills me is that yesterday; I got a guilt trip for chewing out this person. . . I was told she contemplating suicide. I just wanted her to the message; everyone was agreeing on . . . not to hurt her. I feel like a monster.)
Wednesday the day was all screwed up, but over all, I really did have fun in the end. I made London broil for the first time, and it turned out really good or at least I thought. We had some good company and we really had some fun.
This week has been really fucked up. . . I blame it all on the damn blood red eclipse.
I am just frustrated, because I finally feel I am getting involved, making awesome friends, and I feel important and now it’s all crumbing at our feet . . . what did we all do wrong? (I am worried about our injured friend and the future of our group.)