Playing Ping-Pong at the Dinner table
There is so much going on with father, brothers and my (ex) stepmother . . .
In September, my father filed for divorce which has just gotten nastier and nastier. My (ex) stepmother’s lawyer is trying to fight with and get the boy out of home schooling. The boys like their schooling (or at least they told me that did.)
Let me step back and explain why he filed . . . as much I as like facebook for games, chatting, and expression: I have noticed that facebook can have you be in contact with those who are from your past. I have read articles where people have gotten fired over something they said on facebook or broke up with their current significant other to be with an ex.
My (ex) stepmother wasn’t any different. She had too much time on the computer got in touch with one of her ex’s and it started simple. . . just a note to see how they were and of course escalated into something more of the erotic fantasy trigging something in her head thinking that she could go back to her past and relive it so to speak. It started in 2009 when she tried to get back with a boyfriend who had beaten her really bad before she met my father, but my father only knew pieces and parts of the story. (My stepmother actually had a kid with that guy, but she gave him up for adoption. There is even more of her past that she barely spoke of until thing came back to haunt her and I am not going to mention much about as I don’t know much, I just know some of it was abusive. . . she always treated me like a kid who didn’t understand. I have seen violence in my past, I know it can scar you mentally.)
Anyway my father found out that her first ex was married and my father told his wife about the online affair. . . I am not sure how many times they snuck out and visited each other. The wife was understanding and appreciative that my father told her what was going on, because she felt out of the dark for while. However my father says that he still feels guilt, because the wife kicked him out for having an affair. I think there is nothing to feel guilty about; (I personally would want to know if my husband was cheating on me. I appreciate the fact that Tom and I both value being open and brutally honest with each other.) Anyway my stepmother declared her sorrow and confessed and tried to make things better for a while anyway.
However almost a year later, she found another ex online who was friends with her (ex) sister-in-law who doesn’t like my father at all. (I think she believe that my father smothers my stepmother.) The (ex) sister-in-law convince that chatting with him online wasn’t bad, again . . . innocent chat quickly moved into something more serious. My (ex) stepmother lied to everyone as she was trying to hide talking to him, sneaking down stairs to the computer at night and lying about going to places just so she could hang out with the guy who live several states away, but had things going on in Columbus. My father eventually realized what was going on as he got his own spy-wear program to watch what she was saying online. She would say one thing to the family and then say something completely different online. (For example, I live with my great, loyal, supportive boyfriend who most of my family seem to like, but we are not married and I don’t plan to be married unless I know it will be more beneficial to us to be married than not. We like where we are right now, so it is staying this way. . . she has never said anything to my face, but I know she has said things to other people as they have told me what she had felt. I also read a few things online where I feel she was hinting at it.)
My father says that her lawyer keeps trying to use the fact that we are not married against my brothers, which has kept me away from them for awhile. (We did go over this past weekend for my 12 year old brother’s birthday party; my father really needed the help.)
I really feel sorry for the boys, because they are stuck in the middle. . . my (ex) stepmother wanted to take them out of their school, and try to have them visit her every other week, which means one week with my father and the next week would be with her. . . I hope the courts have enough common sense to see how taxing that would be on the boys.
Please keep positive vibes, hopes, thought and prayers with my younger brothers as they have to talk to the judge this Monday. I just hope that judge really listens to what my brothers want.
My father always said that she was bipolar. . . I think since she was Sociology major in college that she answered the questions in away that the therapist wanted to hear them. . . because my father and (ex) stepmother both had to take a few psychology tests as they did go to marriage counseling.
The thing I did notice is that my (ex) stepmother has emotional cycles. (I also think she would get bored, especially after my brothers went to school.) It starts out that she would be okay, keeping busy with small things, errands, and then once things got into a mundane schedule, she would get bored, depressed, lazy, and curious . . . that was when she would seek out fights with me, my 26 old brother or my father . . . she would also get into gossip with people at church and other things. Then she would seek out forgiveness and go back to the okay part of the cycle.
She has gossiped so much with the people at church that she makes herself look like the victim, and my father the bad guy. (However it was not my father who cheated on their marriage.) My brothers, on more than one occasion, have had to defend my father; and they are getting really sick of it. My father has been looking for another church, because of all the gossip and rumors. My brothers just really want their lives back.
Something that happened to me over the weekend was that my (ex) stepmother left her wedding dress. She and my mom both knew, if for some reason I marry, I wanted one of my own. I have had my dream wedding dress since I was in elementary school . . . it’s a girl thing. (Off the shoulders, lacy, medium train, with lacy veil.)
The only good thing of all of this is I do feel a bit closer to my father, because of this. (On a bittersweet note: my father changed his will, I am not the executive of his will, which is good; it’s freeing. However I am cut from it, because my father felt wasn’t fair that I receive something and that my 26 year-old brother not receive anything. My father also said, because I am stable with my boyfriend was another factor. I think it’s good, one of father’s friends is the executive of the will and he will help my younger brothers if something happens to my father. It is very freeing. I love my brothers, but we will get one each other nerve. They know though that I always have their backs. My father thought I would be mad, but I just understand his thinking. I thought about it; I could sit there and sulk about it, how there is some unfairness, but there is just a piece of me in my head that is screaming “fuck it!” Sulking and bitterness is not going to help; if that situation comes, both of my brothers know I will take over and organize everything and I am sure that they will share with me.)
Again, please keep positive vibes, hopes, thought and prayers with my younger brothers as they have to talk to the judge this Monday. I just hope that judge really listens to what my brothers want.