Twisted Frustration: Drama follows me
I have been looking for local friends for awhile now. Just someone to do things with, laugh and joke around with, just other physical people to get me, accept me.
I was hanging with friends of Tom, and they introduce us this guy, and I really tried to avoid him simply because I grew up with his sister. She was hyper, irksome, and when she didn't get her way she made everyone pay for it. (I was afraid her brother would be just like that, but he was cool, and funny. . . and really cute, okay, very attractive.)
The thing is this kid (I can call him that as I am 9 1/2 years older than he is) and I had alot of things in common and I feel like we have an innocent connection. It's like two people that just get each other. We both are into music, writing, and just understand little things. Everyone keeps trying to take this thing to another level, and they making it way messier than it really it. It is simply two people enjoying each other's company.
We have talk all night long and laughed, but to me that isn't flirting like everyone says we were doing.
Tom and I have been together off and on for three years (as of Sept 27th), and after three years you get comfortable with each other. We don't talk until the sun comes up, we barely do writings together anymore. I just wanted a friend where I can talk about stuff, or where I can just laugh with and relate to: I don't care if they are male or female. I just want someone to get me.
The thing was this young man was interested in stuff I knew I like my New Age Stuff: Dream Symbols& Interpetion, Astrology, Palm Reading, Tarot, Mediation, and whatever else can explain to him. I like helping him learn. (Yeah, I know my father tried pushed me into teaching, but I just don't have patience with just anyone.)
However Tom and my mom both think that something was going on between us (the young guy and me): First of all, no, just laughter and chat. Secondly we were never alone, so no one can ever say that we could have done anything. Thirdly he never even touched me and I only hit him a few times, because guys will be guys. (I hit Tom in the shoulder the same way when he does something completely stupid.) Fourthly, I don't believe I am his type, even if he doesn't know his type yet. (I am always the best friend to that type of guy, I have years and other friends who are that type and it is proven over again, I will always be the big sister/ good friend type.)
(I was and still am completely embarassed when they asked me what my intentions were in front of him. I was looking for a friend, yes, he is attractive, but we just wouldn't do things like that. However the more I laughed or wanted to hang out with him, the more I feel Tom is jealous, concerned, and possessive. His clinginess, possessiveness, and me feeling trapped is what scared me the first two times we broke up. I really don't feel anyone trusts me.)
The thing is this young guy says "Please" and "Thank you." He even said my food was perfect. He also said that he would have my back and comments that just brighten my day. He just made me feel better about myself. (From previous blogs, many of you could easily tell that I have self-esteem problems.) He really did remind of me of Jack from Titantic that warm breeze that just make the sting on life just a bit less cold and bit more barable. You take it for what it is and enjoy it while it's there . . . a friendship in the wind.
(Why does everyone have to blow everything up in my life? Can't thing just be simple?)