Same BullS***, Another Day
Its been forever and a day since i posted here! But since i need to get all my emootions and feelings out i mine as well do it here... Im just so depressed, and so tired. I feel like giving up. Elias has been the only thing that has been keeping me sane, because i HAVE to be for him. I just feel like worthless shit, at least this is how a few family members make me feel. I hate feeling this way. I dont deserve to be treated like this. I try my best to be a good daughter, mom, sister, friend, fiance, mom and person. Ive changed so much since becoming a mom. And i see alot of other ppl have changed too, but not for the good. I'm a ride or die type of person for the ppl i love. For kelvin, and Elias, my mom and my dad, and my sister Amanda and my brother Anthony, and THATS IT... thats literally IT. Of course my in laws (mariela, genesis, iris, and pito)...but i mean in MY family tree. Like, if someone fucks with you i'll be in it too, even if it has nothing to do with me... If you don't like something about someone and dont want to tell them yourself, I'LL tell them. I'll be there for you no matter what, and try to help you if i can. If you don't have and i do, its yours... isn't that how its supposed to be? I'm very loyal, and i have morals and respect for the ppl i love. Its sad to see that some ppl just don't think that way, especially towards their parents. How can you take, take and take and NEVER give? I could never! But i'm the bad guy. I'm just lazy Bianca, who don't do shit... I think i'm disliked because i'm honest, and don't lie. If i don't like you i won't pretend to like you... If i have a problem i will tell you... I'm very vocal that way i guess. I don't think thats a bad thing. I mean i'm vocal when i REALLY need to be. For a long time i let shit go on that i stood quiet about. But how long was i supposed to be quiet, with ppl running over my mom and not say nuffin!? I blew up! And now im so fuckin depressed its sad....i cry everytime i talk about the situation. How can my mom be like that towards me? How could she treat me and kelvin like that when we were there for her after the split with my dad, and my sister flat left us to go with dad? But yet she gets treated like a freakin princess and she didn't earn it! I've been there! I be there when mom has ever cried about how bad we had it! I was there when we didn't have anything! Kelvin was feeding us, supporting her STUPID smoking habit! And this is how she shows her apprieciation? Bitch and nag us at every turn, treat us like shit... Its not fuckin fair! What did i do? I give her as much money as i can, i've gone broke sometimes to give her money and i don't work, i don't got shit! But i do it cuz shes my mom and i love her, and i appreciate all she's ever done for me. But i guess thats not enough....i guess my name has to be Yvette or someone else's name to have some respect and love huh? Its so fuckin sad... 10 minutes i ask her to watch my son so i can bathe and i get a stink ass attitude! But she'll watch my sisters daughter for like 3 days str8 and get nuffin in return. I cook, she eats. I clean as much as i can, Kelvin cleaned and took the garbage out, bought her cigarettes if she asked, ran errands as asked. Her own faggot ass son Braulio wouldnt do that! My sisters man don't do that. My sister don't give her money... and she makes more then my mom! I'm just so fuckin tired of this shit man. I can't type no more, i'm getting to worked up. BYE