Emotional Turmoil
Last night, I told Rain. I told him it was over; our MU relationship had to end. He was devastated. I expected that. We had 10years of this kind of relationship. He loves me, and I loved him. Loved. But all that changed when a few months ago, someone else won me over. All my romantic feelings slowly shifted to KIVEGA. Rain wanted to win me back. His desperation showed. But I couldn’t lie. I had no more romantic feelings for him. I love him as a friend, but as something more than that? No. And it hurt me to hurt him because he’s my bestfriend. Rain wanted us to talk in person, since this all happened through phone. And I agreed to it. But the aftertaste left me a mess. I couldn’t think straight. I started doubting myself: did I make the right choice? Is KIVEGA worth the 10 years I had with Rain?
It haunted me till this morning. I wanted to talk to KIVEGA, because I wanted an open communication with him: no secrets. But as I told him my woes, I noticed the tone of his voice change. And I didn’t realize what I had been doing until after the phone call with him while I was doing rounds in the hospital.
I still considered weighing pros and cons between him and Rain, when I shouldn’t have. And I realized, shit. I just fucking did a low blow to my boyfriend. I was so blinded, I couldn’t differentiate pity from love. I love KIVEGA.
I immediately messaged him saying I’d give him a final answer after I was done with my duty. I wanted to be poetic. I wanted to pour my feelings in writing, because that’s what I’m best at.
But his reply was like a million stabs to the heart: “We’re done.”
And at that instant, while I was doing my rounds, everything went blank. Something was wrong. That’s not what I expected. But when I think about it, it was my fault. I hurt him. I hurt the person I love most. Now he won’t talk to me anymore. My messages are unseen. In fact, I’ve made public all the entries on his journal about him, because I sent him the link just so he could see how sincere I am with my love for him.
An ironic tragedy. A man is desperate to win me back, and here I am; desperate to win another man back. I don’t know what will happen from here. I’m hanging on as much as I can, juggling my emotional state and my duty.
My doubts have been cleared.
Did I make the right choice? I don’t know. I just followed my heart and my brain. Only the future will tell me if it’s right.
Is KIVEGA worth the 10 years I had with Rain? Honestly, I look at our couple pictures together and I think about everything we’ve been through the past few months. Yes. Yes, KIVEGA is worth it. And that’s why I chose him the first time. And I will choose him again.
It haunted me till this morning. I wanted to talk to KIVEGA, because I wanted an open communication with him: no secrets. But as I told him my woes, I noticed the tone of his voice change. And I didn’t realize what I had been doing until after the phone call with him while I was doing rounds in the hospital.
I still considered weighing pros and cons between him and Rain, when I shouldn’t have. And I realized, shit. I just fucking did a low blow to my boyfriend. I was so blinded, I couldn’t differentiate pity from love. I love KIVEGA.
I immediately messaged him saying I’d give him a final answer after I was done with my duty. I wanted to be poetic. I wanted to pour my feelings in writing, because that’s what I’m best at.
But his reply was like a million stabs to the heart: “We’re done.”
And at that instant, while I was doing my rounds, everything went blank. Something was wrong. That’s not what I expected. But when I think about it, it was my fault. I hurt him. I hurt the person I love most. Now he won’t talk to me anymore. My messages are unseen. In fact, I’ve made public all the entries on his journal about him, because I sent him the link just so he could see how sincere I am with my love for him.
An ironic tragedy. A man is desperate to win me back, and here I am; desperate to win another man back. I don’t know what will happen from here. I’m hanging on as much as I can, juggling my emotional state and my duty.
My doubts have been cleared.
Did I make the right choice? I don’t know. I just followed my heart and my brain. Only the future will tell me if it’s right.
Is KIVEGA worth the 10 years I had with Rain? Honestly, I look at our couple pictures together and I think about everything we’ve been through the past few months. Yes. Yes, KIVEGA is worth it. And that’s why I chose him the first time. And I will choose him again.