Why Should We Promote You?
Last year, the training committee asked me this question at around this time.
Given the circumstances I was in (incident reports galore, failing academic grades, consultants blatantly bullying the shit out of me), it was a very difficult question to answer. I didn't know what to answer because I had really had no cards to play. My answer was more like a plead to keep me here in the hospital. And well, here I am, a 2nd year repeater.
Soon, I'm sure I will be called again and I'm certain that question will be thrown at me again, especially considering that there are five of us 2nd years and they say only three can be promoted. I'm pretty sure of two who will make it. The other one failed the CERES exam, I failed he in service exam, and the other repeater passed both. But even if she passed both, her obstacle is tarnished reputation our chief resident is presenting to the consultants, which also makes things difficult.
Anyway, for a while now I've been thinking about how I could answer the question. Compared to last time, I feel that I have more to offer this time around despite my failure. As I've said in previous entries, I feel more confident. But is it enough? Everyday I am more and more afraid. The agony of not yet knowing what will happen to me is torture. And yet, when I tell these things to other people: my parents, my friends, a certain previous pre resident, and even favorite consultant and his wife; all would give me positive answers.
Lusot yan.
I'll pray for you!
We believe in you!
I'm confident you'll make it.
I hear these things and it kinda makes me feel bad that they believe in me more than I believe in myself. But it's because of them that I feel so much stronger than I was before, and that I can answer the question with more ease.
After two years of grinding in 2nd year work, seeing my own improvements through my own eyes and through other people's feedbacks, I think I deserve a 3rd year slot. I deserve the chance to continue forward and take on newer challenges as a 3rd year resident. I may have failed the last exam by one point, but does that one point really matter? I leave my fate now to the training committee and the chairman. If I am promoted, then that's good news! I'll be buying food for the people who believed in me. If I am finally booted, then I will transfer to another hospital and continue on until I reach my goals. If I am once again retained, I will also transfer out. Staying three years in the same position in the same hospital is exhausting and repetitive. No matter the decision, I will continue striving to become a surgeon. Revenge may be my strongest motivation, but my strength comes from the people who believe in me. If there is anything I am confident of, it would be that the day will come when my goals will become a reality.