(no subject)
Im not in a debbie downer mood, so do not think I am.
Tonight, I realized that my parents are far from being those superhuman people that I have always thought they were. Its like I have spent the past 19 years of my life, being their little baby... the angel. You mess up once (and when I say mess up, I mean mess up by my/their standards) and it gets held against you over and over again. I am trying to run away from the thought that I lost "control," and yet I am constantly being reminded about it. Twice this week, someone who I thought was close to me (one:my mom, two:a friend) has started out their convo. with me being, "you're not going to like this, but..." But what??? If im not gonna like it, and its gonna make me upset, why the fuck tell me it? Isnt there some sort of saying, "whatever makes you happy"??? If I am able to get over it, you should too. Worst thing of all, confiding in your mom, and being let down. I don't even know where to begin now, I feel like im tainted now, and there is no fixing that in my families eyes. How did I all of a sudden turn into the out of control-needs help-child? screw it all.
Thankfully, this day has not been total shit. Started out with a good cause for breast cancer... moved onto meetings..... and some sweet texting that still makes me smile.... then being able to share with katie... and now, although pissed off, sitting here listening to Grey's anatomy.
Weirdest thing of all.. my life is freakin weird right now, like prety much anything but ordinary, and I absolutely love it.
Tonight, I realized that my parents are far from being those superhuman people that I have always thought they were. Its like I have spent the past 19 years of my life, being their little baby... the angel. You mess up once (and when I say mess up, I mean mess up by my/their standards) and it gets held against you over and over again. I am trying to run away from the thought that I lost "control," and yet I am constantly being reminded about it. Twice this week, someone who I thought was close to me (one:my mom, two:a friend) has started out their convo. with me being, "you're not going to like this, but..." But what??? If im not gonna like it, and its gonna make me upset, why the fuck tell me it? Isnt there some sort of saying, "whatever makes you happy"??? If I am able to get over it, you should too. Worst thing of all, confiding in your mom, and being let down. I don't even know where to begin now, I feel like im tainted now, and there is no fixing that in my families eyes. How did I all of a sudden turn into the out of control-needs help-child? screw it all.
Thankfully, this day has not been total shit. Started out with a good cause for breast cancer... moved onto meetings..... and some sweet texting that still makes me smile.... then being able to share with katie... and now, although pissed off, sitting here listening to Grey's anatomy.
Weirdest thing of all.. my life is freakin weird right now, like prety much anything but ordinary, and I absolutely love it.