Self-pity leaves a horrible taste in my mouth
Im hungry. Nasea and weight loss surgry are not a good combination. Eating has become almost near impossible. Which is not good. I feel like Ive made myself an accidental buliemic. I dont like it. I think I might stick to liquids and mushy foods until the nausia goes away. I started the IBS meds again...and the blurred vision isnt as bad as before, but still sucky. The supposed nasea meds dont seem to work very well. Plus what good are pills for nasea when you throw them up.
I had a date last night. It was ok, I guess. I havent really dated in a while so it was kind of weird. There was no real connection. It was too forced. So, you know how the first kiss with someone you like is after a long awkward, but good silence...The sexual and emotional tension mounting til you think you are just going to burst. And just when you think its not going to happen, someone caves...And its perfect. Well, this wasnt like that at all. It was an ok kiss, but I didnt feel anything. No butterflies or heart fluttering or any other of the cliched things that I have come to cherish.
I was going through some entries and came across a couple of my declarations of swearing of men or taking a vow of celebacy for some amount of time. I think it was late feburary when I said I was going to be celebate for 3 months starting in March...Well, that was quickly forgotten. But I think I might start thinking about trying to do that. I dont want to make a final descion yet because I hate going back on my word. I guess Ive just come to miss romance. Getting to know someone, becoming close, staying up all night talking about nothing really. I think all of this reevaluation of dating in general first came about last weekend at a party my friend had. I ended up having my first real kiss with a girl- Kelly, who has become one of my best friends. It was fun, but not sexual. I know Im not interested in her like that, shes just a great friend. Disscusions with her, and a strange connection with her friend Brent gave me some new perspectives on relationships. Friendships or otherwise.
Ughh...I dont really know what I want. Something different. Passion, excitment, connection, laughter, depth. Including, but not limited to, of course.
Appartly sleep and I are in a fight. I was unaware of this until I took my medication and sleep did not come. I guess its giving me the silent treament. I think it might have something to do with the dreams Ive been having. Either way, its not a good thing. This isnt the good kind of lack of sleep where I get really hyped up and giddy. Instead I feel lathargic and irritable. My mind is a fog. And Im cold. I wish I had someone to hold me for a while. Or at least keep me company and make me smile. Make me breakfast in bed and lay around watching movies and reading out loud. I guess I will attempt to fill this void with a movie marathon and cookies and cream ice cream. If I can keep it down.
I had a date last night. It was ok, I guess. I havent really dated in a while so it was kind of weird. There was no real connection. It was too forced. So, you know how the first kiss with someone you like is after a long awkward, but good silence...The sexual and emotional tension mounting til you think you are just going to burst. And just when you think its not going to happen, someone caves...And its perfect. Well, this wasnt like that at all. It was an ok kiss, but I didnt feel anything. No butterflies or heart fluttering or any other of the cliched things that I have come to cherish.
I was going through some entries and came across a couple of my declarations of swearing of men or taking a vow of celebacy for some amount of time. I think it was late feburary when I said I was going to be celebate for 3 months starting in March...Well, that was quickly forgotten. But I think I might start thinking about trying to do that. I dont want to make a final descion yet because I hate going back on my word. I guess Ive just come to miss romance. Getting to know someone, becoming close, staying up all night talking about nothing really. I think all of this reevaluation of dating in general first came about last weekend at a party my friend had. I ended up having my first real kiss with a girl- Kelly, who has become one of my best friends. It was fun, but not sexual. I know Im not interested in her like that, shes just a great friend. Disscusions with her, and a strange connection with her friend Brent gave me some new perspectives on relationships. Friendships or otherwise.
Ughh...I dont really know what I want. Something different. Passion, excitment, connection, laughter, depth. Including, but not limited to, of course.
Appartly sleep and I are in a fight. I was unaware of this until I took my medication and sleep did not come. I guess its giving me the silent treament. I think it might have something to do with the dreams Ive been having. Either way, its not a good thing. This isnt the good kind of lack of sleep where I get really hyped up and giddy. Instead I feel lathargic and irritable. My mind is a fog. And Im cold. I wish I had someone to hold me for a while. Or at least keep me company and make me smile. Make me breakfast in bed and lay around watching movies and reading out loud. I guess I will attempt to fill this void with a movie marathon and cookies and cream ice cream. If I can keep it down.