OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS
I had the worst weekend of my life i dont feel like going into details i just know now that i have no friends in rotc becides gayle.She is my only true friend in there i hate this shit sooooooo much i should have never went camping this weekend.I had my head up maj ass and that was the wrong thing to do and i learned that the hard way.RIght now i just wanna go into a fucking corner and stay there!I have a very big trust issue and i dont like it i hate myself for it.I loose people that are close to me for it. but i do have a reason to not trust ONE-i have been cheated on by all but one bf so fasr and that one bf would be dan.And i just mindlessly let it all happen by being a push over girlfriend and saying that everything was good.and dan has a LOT of girls that are his friends and im ok with that but when i see pix of him with his hands on girls thighs i think hmmm i dont like that he should be touching mine and mine only but then i think damn if i saying something im gunna sounds liek a pushey/controll freak gf and i hate that but then if i dont say ne thing am i allwoing myslef to be hurt AGAIN i unno i hate myself sometimes and know one knows that about me.everyone thinks im happy and im not i dont have a fucking father and that kills me inside every damn day more and more and the fact that my own father is a big fat loser and the fact that maj was getting close to me and starting to fill in and now he hates me and so does sfc.burton. And i dont know what i did. and every time i think i get a close friend it ends up taht they were using me for something or they start getting really mean and taking advantage of me.and i know taht tomorrow at scholl is going to be hell!BUT i mean it the first person that gets shitty with i swear im fighting them i will kick the shit out of them im tried of it and i cant take it ne more.IM tired of feeling alone!and i feel i cant talk to dan about ne of this bc i will just become the "complainer" i feel very sick to my stomach right now.I feel full of hatrid and saddness.i unno im going to go and lay down now and hopefully i feel better.