Some Dresden wisdom
I've been having trouble concentrating on anything, lately. They tell me this will go away eventually -- here's to hoping. I'm glad Spring Break is coming; I really need it, just to set my thoughts in order.
Who'd've thought college would still be hard once you got accepted? I feel like there are so many things I need to do just to be ready to show up there in September. Housing and course sign-ups are the least of it -- I feel like there's some mental preparation I need but I'm not getting.
I can't let myself quit yet, but boy, is that easier said than done. I need to gear up during break to pull myself through these last few months.
(Not to mention that there are more than just school things piling up around me, and I feel this insistent pressure to get them done, but it's not enough to make me actually do anything.)
But I read this today, and it made me feel a little better about my life.
"We still hadn't learned, though, that growing up is all about getting hurt. And then getting over it. You hurt. You recover. You move on. Odds are pretty good you're just going to get hurt again. But each time, you learn something.
Each time, you come out of it a little stronger, and at some point you realize there are more flavors of pain than coffee. There's the little empty pain of leaving something behind--graduating, taking the next step forward, walking out of something familiar and safe into the unknown. There's the big, whirling pain of life upending all of your plans and expectatinos. There's the sharp little pains of failure, and the more obscure aches of successes that didn't give you what you thought they would. There are the vicious, stabbing pains of hopes being torn up. The sweet little pains of finding others, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life as they grow and learn. There's the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend and help them bear their burdens.
And if you're very, very lucky, there are a few blazing hot little pains you feel when you realize that you are standing in a moment of utter perfection, an instant of triumph, or happiness, or mirth which at the same time cannot possibly last--and yet will remain with you for life.
Everyone is down on pain, because they forget something important about it: Pain is for the living. Only the dead don't feel it.
Pain is a part of life. Sometimes it's a big part, and sometimes it isn't, but either way, it's part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things: It teaches you, tells you that you're alive. Then it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another."
~from White Night by Jim Butcher
It sounds odd, to hear that this made me feel better about life...but it really does. It gives my pain a purpose. I can look at that second paragraph and recognize all of those sorts of pains--some of them are the ones I'm feeling right now, as I try to create a new life for myself while still holding on to what I liked about the old. And I can aspire to that pain of perfection.
Without pain, life would be meaningless. Without true pain, could there be true joy? If we didn't die, why would living be worthwhile? Would we do nearly as much with our lives if they weren't so limited? Half of the time, I think mankind acts out of the frenzied desire to not be forgotten after death, to not disappear when the curtain falls. And the way to do that is by acting, by creating, by being. If people had all the time in the world, procrastination would reign supreme.
I need to know that my pains are worth something. I need to be reminded that I wouldn't be the person I am today without them.
"I don't lie to myself," I responded. "Anger is just anger. It isn't good. It isn't bad. It just is. Whad you do with it is what matters. It's like anything else. You can use it to build or to destroy. You just have to make the choice."
"Constructive anger," the demon said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Also known as passion," I said quietly. "Passion has overthrown tyrants and freed prisoners and slaves. Passion has brought justice where there was savagery. Passion has created freedom where there was nothing but fear. Passion has helped souls rise from the ashes of their horrible lives and build something better, stronger, more beautiful."
~from White Night by Jim Butcher
I also sometimes need to be reminded that passion is worthwhile, that it's okay to want things in life. This helps me remember that.
Who'd've thought college would still be hard once you got accepted? I feel like there are so many things I need to do just to be ready to show up there in September. Housing and course sign-ups are the least of it -- I feel like there's some mental preparation I need but I'm not getting.
I can't let myself quit yet, but boy, is that easier said than done. I need to gear up during break to pull myself through these last few months.
(Not to mention that there are more than just school things piling up around me, and I feel this insistent pressure to get them done, but it's not enough to make me actually do anything.)
But I read this today, and it made me feel a little better about my life.
"We still hadn't learned, though, that growing up is all about getting hurt. And then getting over it. You hurt. You recover. You move on. Odds are pretty good you're just going to get hurt again. But each time, you learn something.
Each time, you come out of it a little stronger, and at some point you realize there are more flavors of pain than coffee. There's the little empty pain of leaving something behind--graduating, taking the next step forward, walking out of something familiar and safe into the unknown. There's the big, whirling pain of life upending all of your plans and expectatinos. There's the sharp little pains of failure, and the more obscure aches of successes that didn't give you what you thought they would. There are the vicious, stabbing pains of hopes being torn up. The sweet little pains of finding others, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life as they grow and learn. There's the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend and help them bear their burdens.
And if you're very, very lucky, there are a few blazing hot little pains you feel when you realize that you are standing in a moment of utter perfection, an instant of triumph, or happiness, or mirth which at the same time cannot possibly last--and yet will remain with you for life.
Everyone is down on pain, because they forget something important about it: Pain is for the living. Only the dead don't feel it.
Pain is a part of life. Sometimes it's a big part, and sometimes it isn't, but either way, it's part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things: It teaches you, tells you that you're alive. Then it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another."
~from White Night by Jim Butcher
It sounds odd, to hear that this made me feel better about life...but it really does. It gives my pain a purpose. I can look at that second paragraph and recognize all of those sorts of pains--some of them are the ones I'm feeling right now, as I try to create a new life for myself while still holding on to what I liked about the old. And I can aspire to that pain of perfection.
Without pain, life would be meaningless. Without true pain, could there be true joy? If we didn't die, why would living be worthwhile? Would we do nearly as much with our lives if they weren't so limited? Half of the time, I think mankind acts out of the frenzied desire to not be forgotten after death, to not disappear when the curtain falls. And the way to do that is by acting, by creating, by being. If people had all the time in the world, procrastination would reign supreme.
I need to know that my pains are worth something. I need to be reminded that I wouldn't be the person I am today without them.
"I don't lie to myself," I responded. "Anger is just anger. It isn't good. It isn't bad. It just is. Whad you do with it is what matters. It's like anything else. You can use it to build or to destroy. You just have to make the choice."
"Constructive anger," the demon said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Also known as passion," I said quietly. "Passion has overthrown tyrants and freed prisoners and slaves. Passion has brought justice where there was savagery. Passion has created freedom where there was nothing but fear. Passion has helped souls rise from the ashes of their horrible lives and build something better, stronger, more beautiful."
~from White Night by Jim Butcher
I also sometimes need to be reminded that passion is worthwhile, that it's okay to want things in life. This helps me remember that.