(no subject)
So I was home this past weekend...and I was looking at this booklet I put together in 9th grade. Inside there were a bunch of pictures, from what seemed like a lifetime ago. I started getting upset with everything that changed, and thinking about the directions we've all taken. But then I flipped the page, and on the back cover were two pictures, one had my Aunt Mar, and another had Mike Carnegie, and I just sat there starring for what seemed like hours.
I want to say something profound about how this made me think about the past, or about how I've changed, or about how the world changed me...but I guess the truth of it is, I don't know. I don't know what to think about the past anymore, because it seems like the pain overwhelms everything else. The people in those pictures seem so naive, I never thought then, that I would be the person I am now...and I think thats whats hitting me the most...I guess I'm looking for someone to tell me what I'm feeling, because guilt isn't it, remorse isn't it, relief definitely not...disappointment not quite...
Its more like just feeling lost.
I want to say something profound about how this made me think about the past, or about how I've changed, or about how the world changed me...but I guess the truth of it is, I don't know. I don't know what to think about the past anymore, because it seems like the pain overwhelms everything else. The people in those pictures seem so naive, I never thought then, that I would be the person I am now...and I think thats whats hitting me the most...I guess I'm looking for someone to tell me what I'm feeling, because guilt isn't it, remorse isn't it, relief definitely not...disappointment not quite...
Its more like just feeling lost.