(no subject)
Well here I am again! I actually like this whole journal thing because it gives other people a chance to see what is truly on my mind without having to verbally explain myself. I spoke to my brother-in-law last night for like an hour on the phone and it wrecked me. God! I hate this shit man....How can I explain what my is going on through my sister's head? I know that he loves her and I know how bad he is feeling but I cannot change what another person is doing and alas I cannot fix it.
It's cool though how much closer all of this has made Lauren and Larry. I wanted nothing more than for the two of them to get along well and it has really happened. Figures...when the chips fall as they may everyone learns how to co-habitate even if it isn't in the same household huh?
My babygirl is doing so well! When Mom was alive (God protect her soul) she used to watch Lauren sleep with her arms wide open and tell me that that meant that she was secure in her environment. Now I watch my little girl and she sleeps like that. How cool is that? It sure makes me feel good! I know that she has a good life and yet I still wonder if I am doing enough, interacting enough, and being a good enough Mommy to her on a daily basis. Is this part of being a mother? I hate it if it is. But then again, I wouldn't change it for the world because she is such a little person and she is so great!
As for my marriage, not too much has changed since we got married other than the name and that still isn't legal because I haven't gotten to DMV yet. Despite the age difference we get along so good that it's scary almost. There is an understanding between us and I love it. I am very grateful that my husband accepts me for all that I am and all that I have been which is why I put that in our vows when we got married. He supports me in all the decisions that I make and treats me the way a woman should be treated! After almost 31 years it's about time that I found a good man.
So there are my contemplations for the day...............