Family
I just can't figure it out apparently. It doesn't matter what I do or say around my house, I am being obnoxious or lazy or overreaching or annoying or any thing that is viewed negatively. This is the kind of crap that kept me from coming home during the schoolyear. Maybe, I should just move away at the first opportunity.
Ashton has been sending out jokes to people via text. So I started sending some back. The last two were dead baby jokes. I understand that dead baby jokes are usually pretty gruesome, but that is what makes them funny. Ashton now is trying to make me feel stupid for sending dead baby jokes because they're inappropriate. That is b.s. They are jokes, jokes can be inappropriate. If I can't joke around with my siblings about stuff like that, then who can I. It's like because I am not like them, I am unacceptable. That is the frustrating part, I can't be myself with these people. I have to put on this front all the time and retract and keep my head down otherwise I get chewed out or made fun of or told I am being obnoxious or I don't understand.
All of them do it, my brothers, sisters and parents.
This is after I spent easter weekend with the finns and maybe I am a finn. I want to be part of this family, but this is too much trouble and stress and frustration. They want nothing to do with me and no matter how I reach out they push me away. They don't tell me what is going on and when they do and I show up I am the butt of all the jokes and suggested to be a deadbeat or always disagreeing.
Maybe I should leave, when I get my first chance. Get my future in line and get out of here. Then leave bottom rung for someone else to fill, see how they like it. I doubt they would miss me much anyways. It doesn't seem that they missed me while I was at school, why should it be any different if it were permanent?
Ashton has been sending out jokes to people via text. So I started sending some back. The last two were dead baby jokes. I understand that dead baby jokes are usually pretty gruesome, but that is what makes them funny. Ashton now is trying to make me feel stupid for sending dead baby jokes because they're inappropriate. That is b.s. They are jokes, jokes can be inappropriate. If I can't joke around with my siblings about stuff like that, then who can I. It's like because I am not like them, I am unacceptable. That is the frustrating part, I can't be myself with these people. I have to put on this front all the time and retract and keep my head down otherwise I get chewed out or made fun of or told I am being obnoxious or I don't understand.
All of them do it, my brothers, sisters and parents.
This is after I spent easter weekend with the finns and maybe I am a finn. I want to be part of this family, but this is too much trouble and stress and frustration. They want nothing to do with me and no matter how I reach out they push me away. They don't tell me what is going on and when they do and I show up I am the butt of all the jokes and suggested to be a deadbeat or always disagreeing.
Maybe I should leave, when I get my first chance. Get my future in line and get out of here. Then leave bottom rung for someone else to fill, see how they like it. I doubt they would miss me much anyways. It doesn't seem that they missed me while I was at school, why should it be any different if it were permanent?