Hog Wars, Part XVIII, The Return
darth dickhead came back. actually i'm calling him philip now, ala eddie murphy in beverly hills cop. phil for short. who is phil? come on, pay attention. he's the persistent ground hog.
and of course, i really resemble carl the groundskeeper now. freeze, varmint!
let me back up. when last we encountered dear philip, he was digging under my shed. so i went out there and dug a trench along the shed, put in wire, rocks, filled the trench. all when he was out eating in the field (i actually know his schedule). and pow, the shed is secure. well, a few days later (now a week and more in the past), i went out and found a new hole, not near the shed, but on the other side of the deck. in the little mulch bed by my evergreen bushes. doh! not happy. i immediately used my last smoke bomb on the hole. i briefly inspected it to make sure it wasn't mr rabbit or his little girlfriend first. nope. hog hole. smoked it good. i got the bomb way down the hole and put a plank over it. smoked for ten minutes. then down went the hose with the new brass head. it took a half hour for the hole to fill. i didn't take the hose out until the water bubbled out. then i buried the hole. days pass. no new hole. i gleefully picture a waterlogged philip floating in his new tomb.
then i went out to cut the grass. found phil signs. he tried to get back under the shed. first at the trench. wire kept him away. then by the steps to the shed where i'd done the wire/rock thing too. he was turned away. where did he go? dunno. still looking. saga to continue.
man, i'd love the next chapter to be called "When Sally Met Philip." but that would draw the policia and i don't think i have enough points in contacts, streetwise, or fast talk to get out of that one.
and of course, i really resemble carl the groundskeeper now. freeze, varmint!
let me back up. when last we encountered dear philip, he was digging under my shed. so i went out there and dug a trench along the shed, put in wire, rocks, filled the trench. all when he was out eating in the field (i actually know his schedule). and pow, the shed is secure. well, a few days later (now a week and more in the past), i went out and found a new hole, not near the shed, but on the other side of the deck. in the little mulch bed by my evergreen bushes. doh! not happy. i immediately used my last smoke bomb on the hole. i briefly inspected it to make sure it wasn't mr rabbit or his little girlfriend first. nope. hog hole. smoked it good. i got the bomb way down the hole and put a plank over it. smoked for ten minutes. then down went the hose with the new brass head. it took a half hour for the hole to fill. i didn't take the hose out until the water bubbled out. then i buried the hole. days pass. no new hole. i gleefully picture a waterlogged philip floating in his new tomb.
then i went out to cut the grass. found phil signs. he tried to get back under the shed. first at the trench. wire kept him away. then by the steps to the shed where i'd done the wire/rock thing too. he was turned away. where did he go? dunno. still looking. saga to continue.
man, i'd love the next chapter to be called "When Sally Met Philip." but that would draw the policia and i don't think i have enough points in contacts, streetwise, or fast talk to get out of that one.