My Heart's Passions
I am UNBELIEVABLY BLESSED! Praise God for little glimpses of Heaven on earth. I think I've already mentioned some of the great times of fellowship and worship I've been a part of in the last few weeks; now there's another to add on top of them. Last night a bunch of us celebrated Liz's 20th birthday at the compound. We played games like Taboo and Catch Phrase and had so much amazing homemade cake and frappucinos (however you spell it). It was awesome! I got to hang out with people I don't normal do and I had so much fun. Eventually it turned into a time of musical worship to God and we even made some instruments out of kitchen items. Lol. By the time that died down most people had left, but there were still 6 of us that weren't tired and Brady suggested we go night hiking at Mini Haha. So we did! It was my first time ever being there and it was so cool. The 6 of us (Chandra, Liz, John, Patricia, Brady and I) squeezed into Chandra's little 5-seater car and drove out there. When we got near the top (Liz didn't want to go all the way to the top even though I did), we just stood/sat there looking out over the city and prayed. It was so special. I don't know how long we were out there, but it was 3:00 in the morning by the time Trish and I got home. Lol. And then Trish forgot her key and we were throwing pine cones at Jesse's window cause we didn't want to wake any of the boys who were sleeping! That was priceless. Lol. (Oh yeah, and earlier at the compound they had those big exercise balls that we were sitting on, but I was so hyper from all the sugar that I was just bouncing up and down really hard along with someone else and we were just laughing so hard eventually I let myself fall off. Man, good memories.) After we got into our respective units and did whatever we needed to, Trish came back over and we just sat on the couch and talked for probably an hour and a half. It was so nice. I have realized that I really do like to talk a lot when people want to listen. I guess that's rarer than I thought for me because I felt like I just wanted to keep talking on and on, but I had to stop myself and let her talk. It was good to get to know her better. She's so sweet. Then she got tired and went to bed, but by that time I had determined to stay up all night so I did. I got a nice long bath (which I really needed) and then spent an hour working on my "Encouragement Project". But I was getting pretty tired by that time and so I decided I would watch the sun rise and then go to sleep for a few hours. So I did. I went out in the street at 6:30 am in my pajamas and watched the sun rise. It was beautiful and I could hear the lovely birds singing different songs than you hear in the afternoon. It was so beautiful. God really knows how to be creative and artistic. Which makes me think about one of the ministry positions I've been looking at for my Missions for Me paper: an art teacher. I am so passionate about God's creation and I want to share that with kids, which is exactly what the job description is!
*Sigh* I think I have finally come to grips with what I think God is asking me to do. That verse about having to give up everything to be Jesus' disciple has been stuck in my head for weeks now and I keep thinking back to that piece of paper from my Royal Servants mission trip where I gave up all my rights (I called Emily a while back and had her read it to me). I deserve nothing that I have or dream of having, but God has graciously given them to me (at least for a time). It is SO HARD to give up everything. Yes, I love adventure and going to new places, but I hate leaving home and all the people I care about. How can I separate myself from those that I love the most? How can I live to where my love for people looks like hate compared to my love for God?! My heart is so torn! And it seems like it always is, maybe always will be. "Why have you asked this of me, Lord? *Sigh* God, give me peace to remember that you are still God and I am not. Help me to trust you with my whole being, not just in words, but in actions. Heavenly Father, my heart breaks! To know I have no claim to what I want most dearly and to see such a hurting world! Why have you created me? For what specific purpose did you form me with your own hands? 'Show me how to love like you have loved me! Break my heart for what breaks yours. Everything I am for your Kingdom's cause as I walk from earth into eternity.' God, thank you. Thank you for everything you have given me: life and breath and health, relationships and a loving family, opportunities for the future and the present, a passion, your love, your Son! I am yours, God, to do with as you please. Lead me in the way everlasting. For I long to do your will above my own; 'Here am I! Send me!' Father! I pray in Jesus' name. Amen."
*Sigh* I think I have finally come to grips with what I think God is asking me to do. That verse about having to give up everything to be Jesus' disciple has been stuck in my head for weeks now and I keep thinking back to that piece of paper from my Royal Servants mission trip where I gave up all my rights (I called Emily a while back and had her read it to me). I deserve nothing that I have or dream of having, but God has graciously given them to me (at least for a time). It is SO HARD to give up everything. Yes, I love adventure and going to new places, but I hate leaving home and all the people I care about. How can I separate myself from those that I love the most? How can I live to where my love for people looks like hate compared to my love for God?! My heart is so torn! And it seems like it always is, maybe always will be. "Why have you asked this of me, Lord? *Sigh* God, give me peace to remember that you are still God and I am not. Help me to trust you with my whole being, not just in words, but in actions. Heavenly Father, my heart breaks! To know I have no claim to what I want most dearly and to see such a hurting world! Why have you created me? For what specific purpose did you form me with your own hands? 'Show me how to love like you have loved me! Break my heart for what breaks yours. Everything I am for your Kingdom's cause as I walk from earth into eternity.' God, thank you. Thank you for everything you have given me: life and breath and health, relationships and a loving family, opportunities for the future and the present, a passion, your love, your Son! I am yours, God, to do with as you please. Lead me in the way everlasting. For I long to do your will above my own; 'Here am I! Send me!' Father! I pray in Jesus' name. Amen."