So how’s that living thing going
So I think that I’m reverting a bit to what I was stress at work has got me all forms of irritated to the point that I’ve become vary short with people. I’ve also kinda deluded my minds so I can cope with it to the point that I’ve detached myself and have been living in my own head so I can try to get away from work. This in turn makes my work suffer witch in turn make me more miserable, frankly I haven’t felt this bad since high school. And this leads to the next point since I’m there I think that I’m insane or at least not right according to societal standards. What does this mean? Am I here by my mind I forget whether I am or not or what I’m doing I‘m constantly living in confusion due to this. That being said the amount programming that I put into myself in order to deal with people I dislike or just to let go and give autonomy to my body to move and use the data at my disposal is paying off. Though it is not complete autonomy I just can drift in and out of consciousness.
That is work; work leaves me unfulfilled and angry for existing.
Why do people think so highly of me? I think I’m not that great though I’m with myself all the time so it gets boring for me. Human interaction is an odd thing; most of the talk is bland and doesn’t apply to me. I wonder why I cant relate to people?
Again the world seems so far away and I’m the only one here at the end. I can hear and still see, feelings a bit numb but that’s not the point I feel as though I’m a stranger in my own land.
My head seems about the same, sort of like a fever with a slow pulse of pressure in the front that in creases and fades at about 20 second intervals. I can see hands and still have control on what they do but they don’t seem like mine nor does the rest of me. recanization of myself has never really been a strong point of my mind since years of self loathing and hatred have whittled away at the ego and left as I am. A hollow and somewhat cold being, what I must ask is why don’t I seem that way toward others, is it simply that I hate myself and is that I feel this way? Or is it that I feel unsatisfied at what I am? I think for the most part I’ve just lowered my standards for people.
I guess I do have hope though, the fool that I am at my core always looks for it, but it’s not really over I just think we need to see what is important. Are we to see what we can gather monetarily or see what we can find out about ourselves? There is no real answer in the end everything will fall apart, but the think that I look forward to is to see what type of ripple can I leave on society. I wish I could show people how I view the world. I wish I could convince people to try to understand themselves. What do we bring this world and its people?
And in the end I’m alone in my own head looking at the word wondering what I can do.
That is work; work leaves me unfulfilled and angry for existing.
Why do people think so highly of me? I think I’m not that great though I’m with myself all the time so it gets boring for me. Human interaction is an odd thing; most of the talk is bland and doesn’t apply to me. I wonder why I cant relate to people?
Again the world seems so far away and I’m the only one here at the end. I can hear and still see, feelings a bit numb but that’s not the point I feel as though I’m a stranger in my own land.
My head seems about the same, sort of like a fever with a slow pulse of pressure in the front that in creases and fades at about 20 second intervals. I can see hands and still have control on what they do but they don’t seem like mine nor does the rest of me. recanization of myself has never really been a strong point of my mind since years of self loathing and hatred have whittled away at the ego and left as I am. A hollow and somewhat cold being, what I must ask is why don’t I seem that way toward others, is it simply that I hate myself and is that I feel this way? Or is it that I feel unsatisfied at what I am? I think for the most part I’ve just lowered my standards for people.
I guess I do have hope though, the fool that I am at my core always looks for it, but it’s not really over I just think we need to see what is important. Are we to see what we can gather monetarily or see what we can find out about ourselves? There is no real answer in the end everything will fall apart, but the think that I look forward to is to see what type of ripple can I leave on society. I wish I could show people how I view the world. I wish I could convince people to try to understand themselves. What do we bring this world and its people?
And in the end I’m alone in my own head looking at the word wondering what I can do.